Asperger's Syndrome and how it manifests for me

[Booze Zombie]

I'm a 23 year old male from the UK, I have Asperger's Syndrome. My difficulties with the syndrome confuse me, as they sometimes appear to be opposite to what most others suffer with the condition. I love being social, I love talking to people, making people laugh, smile, I want to be interesting and funny... my issues manifest themselves as acute and crippling paranoia attacks, that slowly build momentum until I've torn a relationship apart, as well as the occasional sensory overload and getting lost in my thoughts, as well as a general fear of people and their intentions. Anxiety, I suppose it might otherwise be termed.

My problems often seem to manifest when encountering new groups of people, in the form of continuous, almost unending questioning of if the other people like me. "Does he/she like me? I picked up this vibe, that vibe, they said this, do they mean this?" and it follows a typical pattern of either I'll let go of it or I'll burn through the relationship and the person will seemingly becoming exasperated with my unprovoked paranoia, as they see it. I've actually ended up with paranoia about people leaving me because I'm paranoid, due to my belief that being paranoid makes you annoying to interact with.

The worst place this manifests itself in... is romantic relationships or rather, my attempts at them. I seemingly overwhelm people with my emotions, showering them in affection and attention until I become something of a bore, it would seem. I'm not sure if this is reality or if it's just how I take their utter frustration with attempting to love me. The paranoia then carries with it a mood swing element in the context of romantic relationships, making me very unpredictable and aggressive.

I'm not sure if my experience is usual or even "the norm" for our "not norm" but can anyone advise me on the best way to escape this horrible cycle of paranoia, anxiety and explosive emotion? I would honestly appreciate it to no end.

 

[King_Oni]

Hi and welcome to Aspiescentral

Have you ever wondered if there's more than just Asperger's within you? Paranoia and anxiety could just as well linked to some kind of schizophrenia, albeit milder with no hallucinations. Have you officially been diagnosed with AS? Quite often therapists are thrown off if certain things aren't apparent. And since you mention you're rather social this might confuse them a bit to see what's going on.

I do have similar moodswings, yet I can control them most of the time and I know when to step back and retreat and do "my own stuff". It makes me unpredictable as well, but by figuring out what triggers it and understanding when to "retreat" and not expose myself and others to violent behaviour. That being said; this is, according to my therapist something totally different then AS.

Of course, when you get in touch with a therapist that might label you with something, there's also the option of taking meds to surpress certain things so you can manage it. But meds are a longshot IMO since you don't exactly know how someone reacts to it.

 

[smith2267]

Yeah I wonder if you have multiple conditions, or maybe even were misdiagnosed

 

[Booze Zombie]

Hi and welcome to Aspiescentral

Have you ever wondered if there's more than just Asperger's within you? Paranoia and anxiety could just as well linked to some kind of schizophrenia, albeit milder with no hallucinations. Have you officially been diagnosed with AS? Quite often therapists are thrown off if certain things aren't apparent. And since you mention you're rather social this might confuse them a bit to see what's going on.

I do have similar moodswings, yet I can control them most of the time and I know when to step back and retreat and do "my own stuff". It makes me unpredictable as well, but by figuring out what triggers it and understanding when to "retreat" and not expose myself and others to violent behaviour. That being said; this is, according to my therapist something totally different then AS.

Of course, when you get in touch with a therapist that might label you with something, there's also the option of taking meds to surpress certain things so you can manage it. But meds are a longshot IMO since you don't exactly know how someone reacts to it.

Hello and thank you for the welcome!

I was diagnosed offically, roughly... 8 years ago, I believe? I was still a teenager, at any rate. I havn't seen any therapists, I went through a different route to being diagnosed and I received no formal treatment for my condition despite it resulting in my avoiding education until I was 20.

My worst paranoia is always triggered by people, mind blindness plus being used to being bullied would appear to have set me up for some rather negative thought patterns. I suppose when everyone is a blank canvas to you, you see the worst when you think it's there.

 

[Bay]

Welcome to AC Booze Zombie.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Hello and thank you.

You know, it's odd. A friend of mine very recently highlighted to me why I'm paranoid. It's because I seemingly have an issue of people taking a liking to me and suddenly and abruptly disliking me after a few weeks.

She has attributed this to a disliking of the alien character of the Autistic mind in the eyes of neurotypicals, I have got to say, it's certainly the most logical reason I've ever heard.

 

[King_Oni]

One can wonder if it really is "abruptly". I've lost friendships in the past "abruptly" because I apparently didn't pick up on clues that those people didn't like to be around me. And apparently a lot of people aren't honest and dare I say, blunt enough to just tell you "I don't like you".

What your friend said... I can see some logic in that. I don't know if it's true. If it is, wouldn't that mark some kind of discrimination? It's not like we aspies don't have prejudices against us already...

 

[Booze Zombie]

One can wonder if it really is "abruptly". I've lost friendships in the past "abruptly" because I apparently didn't pick up on clues that those people didn't like to be around me. And apparently a lot of people aren't honest and dare I say, blunt enough to just tell you "I don't like you".

What your friend said... I can see some logic in that. I don't know if it's true. If it is, wouldn't that mark some kind of discrimination? It's not like we aspies don't have prejudices against us already...

That is true and I originally believed that but this occurs even in people who don't lie, I've discovered. In fact the girl who informed me of this, said she herself was disturbed by my own alien personality, that it made her act oddly around me and that she noticed she acted in the same way around all Autistics.

Well, I'm not sure if a prejuice so much as... the unconscious mind hating the alien. We can hardly help that we're strange and slightly out of place, can we? It'd certainly explain the bullying when I was younger as well, but perhaps I am too eager to accept this explanation.

 

[Loomis]

Hello and thank you.

You know, it's odd. A friend of mine very recently highlighted to me why I'm paranoid. It's because I seemingly have an issue of people taking a liking to me and suddenly and abruptly disliking me after a few weeks.

She has attributed this to a disliking of the alien character of the Autistic mind in the eyes of neurotypicals, I have got to say, it's certainly the most logical reason I've ever heard.

What I experience in my social life has similarities to your descriptions of your problems. I find it quite easy to make initial contact with people and make favorable first impressions. However, that is merely a setup for failure because I am unable to maintain the social relationship I so easily create. Like all aspies I cannot accurately assess the nonverbal communications that are implicit in social relationships so my initial good first impressions and the favorable responses I elicit from others are doomed by the fact I cannot fulfill the expectations I create. People expect me to be socially skilled because my initial encounters made it seem as if I were. In fact it looks very much as if I have mislead others or misrepresented myself. I have not mislead them; I merely acted the NT part too well and could not follow up. (All of this used to happen before I learned I was an aspie. I was mimicking the NT behavior because it was the only thing I knew how to do. Now that I know that is what I was doing I stopped and live my social life differently.)

I have learned it is better for me to enter social situations more cautiously so I do not create expectations I will be unable to meet. I find it very useful to tell others I am autistic early on. Inevitably they tell me I do not seem to be autistic because I have this ability to create favorable first impressions. Nevertheless by warning people in the beginning that I have social handicaps I have found they have a lower expectation later and I avoid creating confusion when I inevitably fail to be the socially fluid being they had expected.

 

[Bay]

What I experience in my social life has similarities to your descriptions of your problems. I find it quite easy to make initial contact with people and make favorable first impressions. However, that is merely a setup for failure because I am unable to maintain the social relationship I so easily create. Like all aspies I cannot accurately assess the nonverbal communications that are implicit in social relationships so my initial good first impressions and the favorable responses I elicit from others are doomed by the fact I cannot fulfill the expectations I create. People expect me to be socially skilled because my initial encounters made it seem as if I were. In fact it looks very much as if I have mislead others or misrepresented myself. I have not mislead them; I merely acted the NT part too well and could not follow up. (All of this used to happen before I learned I was an aspie. I was mimicking the NT behavior because it was the only thing I knew how to do. Now that I know that is what I was doing I stopped and live my social life differently.)

I have learned it is better for me to enter social situations more cautiously so I do not create expectations I will be unable to meet. I find it very useful to tell others I am autistic early on. Inevitably they tell me I do not seem to be autistic because I have this ability to create favorable first impressions. Nevertheless by warning people in the beginning that I have social handicaps I have found they have a lower expectation later and I avoid creating confusion when I inevitably fail to be the socially fluid being they had expected.

Well put and well thought-out, Loomis. I have noticed this most especially in regard to the workplace, myself.

 

[imagesbyholly]

Yeah Loomis, that's me too. I guess that is why working retail in a little specialty toy store worked so well for me- I could easily do the initial social contact thing and come off seeming fine and friendly, because after they paid or got a little help finding a child's gift, they walked out the door and I didn't have to deal with them any more .

 

[Booze Zombie]

Well, I suddenly feel a lot less confused and alone. I deeply appreciate the input I'm receiving here, thank you guys and gals.

Here's hoping I can push my own personality to the point that I can overcome such issues.

 

[Arashi222]

I'm not sure we are alien minded we have a different hard drive but I tend to agree with King Oni here that we often feel a friendship ended abruptly when we really didn't have the social ability to see that they just didn't like us or want to be around us or whatever they felt. Sometimes people don't like someone and it has nothing to do with being Autistic they just don't like you and we just don't see it. Most people in general don't want to just say I don't like you stay away from me they play mind games and hope that we pick it up. We don't have an alien character its the best way for NT's to understand.

 

[Booze Zombie]

I'm not sure we are alien minded we have a different hard drive but I tend to agree with King Oni here that we often feel a friendship ended abruptly when we really didn't have the social ability to see that they just didn't like us or want to be around us or whatever they felt. Sometimes people don't like someone and it has nothing to do with being Autistic they just don't like you and we just don't see it. Most people in general don't want to just say I don't like you stay away from me they play mind games and hope that we pick it up. We don't have an alien character its the best way for NT's to understand.

That's a very fair point, I may've failed to taken the power of subjectivity into account. Thanking you kindly for your input.