Are you "noticeably autistic"?

[Ronald Zeeman]

I am just one member of a strange family, my siblings and I.

 

[Aru]

- Online I find that almost no one can tell at all, I blend in rather well unless voice chats are included in which I struggle to maintain conversations unless a specific topic is there.

- In person people tend to notice instantly because of how I am with eye contact and being very uncomfortable and I fidget a lot, I've had a lot of "you ok, young man?" comments and all sorts which then make me feel a bit like "Am I that obviously awkward?" and then I tend to be twice as awkward XD

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Re: Are you noticeably autistic?

Personally, other than my psychologist, only one other person has ever suggested it---one of my co-workers who is a mother of an autistic son.

Like many of us who were diagnosed late, I suspect that because I was in a life that sort of forced me to be social and I had a desire to fit in. I consciously and unconsciously learned to "observe and imitate" my way through life. I taught myself to mask a lot of my natural behaviors.

Now, what was quite apparent throughout my life is the lack of social bonding with people, and my lack of context and perspective taking. The past few years after my diagnosis has been a huge learning curve and now I am highly self-aware and actively try to not come off as an impulsive jerk, but rather a more thoughtful, kind mentor to others. I don't have the hormones for social bonding, and it just comes off as "fake", so I tend to avoid that kind of behavior.

Most people in my past simply have a "moral diagnosis" of me and probably would not understand or accept an autism diagnosis. Most people in the present life, I suspect, probably know me as a "bit off", but not really understanding why and then there are people closest to me, my inner circle, that are aware and appear to be accepting of the diagnosis. Having said that, I think there remains a disconnect in what they know or think they know, of childhood autism and the person that they see before them, an older adult autistic.

I have said many times on this forum, that I have worked at one of the largest children's hospitals in the US. We see autistic children daily, yet for the exception of one person, NO ONE has ever recognized the autism "puzzle piece" ID lanyard I wear, nor when I have "outed" myself to them, had anything to say except "OK", which I am not sure what to think about that.

 

[Aladdin]

I don't think so. I feel awkward though, when they start prying into my life. Like I might appear autistic if I give away to much information. That's when my paranoia /self consciousness kicks in.

 

[GypsyMoth]

Is it apparent to other people that you have autism, or less specifically something "wrong" with you?

Um..., it's not apparent to me that I have autism. But what I'm learning here sure does seem to make a compelling case. It does describe me to a profound degree, although I am not sure that any of my traits are to the intensity of degree that autism defines. I’m also learning that we (my husband and I) really don’t know what autism is. Recently, I suggested to my husband that I might have some autistic traits. He replied, what are you saying, that you have autism? If autism could explain your hyper-literalism, then I’d believe it. Ahhh, well… that is one trait.

People who don’t like me frequently underestimate and misjudge me. People who like me just seem to take me as I am.

Whatever it is to be ‘normal’ covers such a wide range of behaviors. Normal people just expect normal people. It’s only when someone stands out to them as different in a negative way that they find it weird or odd; stand out to them in a positive way and you risk being made the center of attention. Look ‘normal’ and I find they’ll ignore you—that is, whatever ‘normal’ is.

 

[nukefusion]

It was never apparent to me, but once I suspected and approached family members the general response was "oh yeah, well we always knew that" or "Yeah we had a conversation about this between ourselves years ago". Seems they just forgot to let me know.

 

[Jumpinbare]

It was apparent to my wife. I didn't believe it for years. Of the first two people I told when I learned I was autistic, one replied he had known for years, and the other said he wasn't surprised at all.

But most people probably just saw me as weird.

 

[chincey_james]

The only people who know about my diagnosis are my partner and his family and then my mother and stepfather.

I think I am known as "eccentric" and "reclusive" by others. My work colleagues always playfully jest about things that could be seen as autistic if anyone made the connection: food phases, not enjoying small talk, not attending optional socialization events, and having sensory preferences, such as quiet and darker environments.

The longer I've been at my job the less I've been able to keep up the acting "normal" gig and the more people are probably starting to notice. One of my coworkers said that I reminded her of her brother who has Asperger's. In a way, I was shocked, because I put a lot of energy into Acting (my preferred word for masking). I didn't confirm it to her, but she probably suspects.

 

[Ursus Chainus]

People can’t even imagine that I am on the spectrum. I am pretty sure it is because I am very “ADD” and “ASD” (or what I call Extracultural Understanding driven).

The two seem to cancel each other about but create different challenges.

The worst part is trying to explain relationship challenges to people who expect you to understand the basics.

The past 5 years I have been having occasional emotional meltdowns (something I did not experience in my youth). These destroy relationships and hurt the other person. If I try to explain what happened (a state of extreme emotional overwhelm that is totally irrational), they don’t believe me.

Heartbreaking.

I also never had the male autism “not finding a girlfriend” thing. Women seem to like me when I can read the signs. I am so utterly wild, unfiltered and feral that nobody can see the whole “autism” thing.

Basically, if you took a pre-human hominid and bolted all of the new brain connections in that person… you get me.

I know others like me… I refer to us as bonobos (the main hominid troop strategy before culture is predicted to be similar to bonobos in my theoretical models)

Anyway, totally incapable of having normal relationships. People figure out that I am “mental” on some level once they get to know me well

I married one like me and we relate quite well. Much better than the narcissistic women I used to be with!

 

[Au Naturel]

Most of the time, I'm pretty chill, but if I get excited about something, someone who knows what to look for could easily see it.

People don't generally think "autistic", though. It doesn't enter their minds. They think nerd/geek and annoying/obnoxious.

 

[Judge]

People don't generally think "autistic", though. It doesn't enter their minds. They think nerd/geek and annoying/obnoxious.

This always reminds me of a scene in the film "War Games", when Matthew Broderick seeks the wisdom of two guys working at some computer firm, regarding the data he downloaded from hacking into a random source.

Both of these guys he spoke to were clearly directed to play such personalities.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Every time in my wife or I took a stem related course in university or college the professor asks are you in any way related to in regard to our surname, all heads snap looking at us being unknown and unrecognized has its advantages. No, as far as I know no relation, second does not the fruit fall far from the tree. I like puzzles.
good thing no one knows my grandmother's maiden name also significant enough to be in the who who's. So being an Aspie and incognito is good. like I told my wife sometimes the gold nugget just wants to lie quietly in the stream.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Is it apparent to other people that you have autism, or less specifically something "wrong" with you?

I can tell that other people know something is "wrong" with me because they react to me like they think I'm odd, and sometimes people avoid interacting with me due to it. I also get stared at sometimes.

People have treated me like this my whole life and it can frustrate me. I usually don't know why people are reacting like that since I try to act "normal", so it makes me self conscious and want to avoid interacting with others.

Whatever labels they use, they definitely notice a difference. Sometimes positive, often negative.

 

[vergil96]

Is it apparent to other people that you have autism, or less specifically something "wrong" with you?

No, I don't think so. I just get misinterpreted a lot.

 

[vergil96]

I don't consider it a secret, though, or something that is completely invisible. I have been asked countless times "Do you have Asperger's?" but more for my deep interest in math and science and long-winded logical rants about "intuitive" topics that I don't think are intuitive than for interpersonal difficulties or something obvious.

 

[Au Naturel]

People can’t even imagine that I am on the spectrum. I am pretty sure it is because I am very “ADD” and “ASD” (or what I call Extracultural Understanding driven).

The two seem to cancel each other about but create different challenges.

The worst part is trying to explain relationship challenges to people who expect you to understand the basics.

The past 5 years I have been having occasional emotional meltdowns (something I did not experience in my youth). These destroy relationships and hurt the other person. If I try to explain what happened (a state of extreme emotional overwhelm that is totally irrational), they don’t believe me.

Heartbreaking.

I also never had the male autism “not finding a girlfriend” thing. Women seem to like me when I can read the signs. I am so utterly wild, unfiltered and feral that nobody can see the whole “autism” thing.

Basically, if you took a pre-human hominid and bolted all of the new brain connections in that person… you get me.

I know others like me… I refer to us as bonobos (the main hominid troop strategy before culture is predicted to be similar to bonobos in my theoretical models)

Anyway, totally incapable of having normal relationships. People figure out that I am “mental” on some level once they get to know me well

I married one like me and we relate quite well. Much better than the narcissistic women I used to be with!

I didn't quite grow up feral but we did live way out in the sticks, and Dad was at work all day and Mom couldn't be bothered. I spent a lot of time wandering alone and naked in the forest. (Mosquitoes never bothered me.) I suppose that could be thought of as "feral."

At school, there were a few kids I got along with but some really didn't like me. The usual story of being bullied and ridiculed and teased. I was clumsy, tended to info dump about things nobody else cared about, and was clueless about "social" things. It wasn't until I left home for college that I began to find my feet. Once I had found them, it wasn't until I moved to California that I figured out how to walk on them. That took a decade of thought and self-examination and philosophizing.

Fast forward to 67 and I'm still out of place. But I have learned to accept it without judging it and that makes a difference. I still do the naked wandering thing. Some things do not change.

 

[Au Naturel]

This always reminds me of a scene in the film "War Games", when Matthew Broderick seeks the wisdom of two guys working at some computer firm, regarding the data he downloaded from hacking into a random source.

Both of these guys he spoke to were clearly directed to play such personalities.

I see a bit of myself in both of those characters. Of course, I wanted to be the socially adept Broderick character who always gets a girl. It wasn't gonna happen.

 

[Ursus Chainus]

I didn't quite grow up feral but we did live way out in the sticks, and Dad was at work all day and Mom couldn't be bothered. I spent a lot of time wandering alone and naked in the forest. (Mosquitoes never bothered me.) I suppose that could be thought of as "feral."

At school, there were a few kids I got along with but some really didn't like me. The usual story of being bullied and ridiculed and teased. I was clumsy, tended to info dump about things nobody else cared about, and was clueless about "social" things. It wasn't until I left home for college that I began to find my feet. Once I had found them, it wasn't until I moved to California that I figured out how to walk on them. That took a decade of thought and self-examination and philosophizing.

Fast forward to 67 and I'm still out of place. But I have learned to accept it without judging it and that makes a difference. I still do the naked wandering thing. Some things do not change.

Did you go through a tough spot in your early to mid 50’s? I am trying to understand these strange meltdowns. I am pretty sure it is part of a final transition… manopause maybe.

I spend at least several hours a week naked around others. I found a wonderful aspie woman ( who is safe) as mutual support at my favorite naked spot.

This stuff is tough…

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I can keep calm most of the time and avoid outbursts but if I’m under a lot of stress and people keep want me to do more and more before I can even take a short rest to breathe, I will get agitated and very frustrated. Luckily I don’t go into meltdown mode very often.