Are You Accepted By Your Family?

[sonia_cheryl]

My family tend to pretend like my diagnosis never happened. My mum in particular is extremely un-accepting. My situation is a slightly complex one because Asperger's was first mentioned when I was 17 - which is almost 11 years ago now. I was seeing a child and adolescent psychologist at the time, who happened to know my mum (I know awkward or what!) Anyway I chose to stop seeing her - I think out of fear and a bit of denial about my difficulties. After I stopped seeing her she met with my mum, and she told my mum that she felt I had Asperger's. My mum relayed this information back to me, but there was never any kind of support in dealing with it. I researched it because at that point I had never heard of it before. It was like a revelation because I felt like I was reading about myself. However for years I had to just try and get on with things like I hadn't even been told because that wasn't an official diagnosis and nobody was interested in the fact I had been told I might have it - in fact my mum completely shot me down if I mentioned it. It was when I reached 25 that I knew I had to pursue a diagnosis. I didn't tell my mum what I was doing, I just went ahead and did it. It was a long battle to get heard, but in the end I got the assessment I wanted and I received an official diagnosis. I eventually told my mum, but she is really not supportive. In fact she actually said that she wished she had never told me what my child and adolescent psychologist had said regarding AS because until then i was fine, but after that I went and researched it and I made myself into that person. Now most people would know that you obviously can;t make yourself an AS person - you either have it or you don't. That was a bit of a slap in the face, because it highlighted to me just how little understanding she has, and just how far from accepting me she is.

 

[Donein]

My family tend to pretend like my diagnosis never happened. My mum in particular is extremely un-accepting. My situation is a slightly complex one because Asperger's was first mentioned when I was 17 - which is almost 11 years ago now. I was seeing a child and adolescent psychologist at the time, who happened to know my mum (I know awkward or what!) Anyway I chose to stop seeing her - I think out of fear and a bit of denial about my difficulties. After I stopped seeing her she met with my mum, and she told my mum that she felt I had Asperger's. My mum relayed this information back to me, but there was never any kind of support in dealing with it. I researched it because at that point I had never heard of it before. It was like a revelation because I felt like I was reading about myself. However for years I had to just try and get on with things like I hadn't even been told because that wasn't an official diagnosis and nobody was interested in the fact I had been told I might have it - in fact my mum completely shot me down if I mentioned it. It was when I reached 25 that I knew I had to pursue a diagnosis. I didn't tell my mum what I was doing, I just went ahead and did it. It was a long battle to get heard, but in the end I got the assessment I wanted and I received an official diagnosis. I eventually told my mum, but she is really not supportive. In fact she actually said that she wished she had never told me what my child and adolescent psychologist had said regarding AS because until then i was fine, but after that I went and researched it and I made myself into that person. Now most people would know that you obviously can;t make yourself an AS person - you either have it or you don't. That was a bit of a slap in the face, because it highlighted to me just how little understanding she has, and just how far from accepting me she is.

I can relate to your story. I'm not AS but I wish my mother would have taken me in for my learning disability., but she never did. My mother pretty much denied any fault that any of us had. Every job that she had in raisng three children, she ignored and denied. One time my brother went out and got drunk, and walked through a glass sliding door. There was blood all over the floor, she ignored it and acted like it didn't happen. My brother has a scar on his nose and should have been taken to the doctor for stitches. He wasn't. I could go on and on about how my mother ignored her responisbilities but then it would be 75 pages ....When I was at a funeral a few years ago, a second cousing said to me "ya know the mental illness on your mothers side?"...I told my mom, she ignored that. She ignored everything. Ignoring is one of the two things a Narcisstic person does. The other is engulfing. I'm not sure about your mom but I'm sorry she can't handle the truth. In denying the truth, we bring pain and ignorance. I'm not sure you are ready to hear this, but what your mother did or did not do is child abuse. The damage done to you by IGNORING is huge. The things that could have been done to help you we will never know. I hope you understand this, and do not give your mommy dearest an "ok" for what she did or didn't do to you her daughter. There is a good book called "Will I Ever be Good Enough", but I'm not sure if it is for you. This book involves daughters of Narcssistic mothers. My mother was on every page. They give you test up front on 34 traits of a N mom...,,,My mom had 33...Regardless if your mom is a N or not, what she did or didn't do is wrong.

 

[Indigogrl79]

I don't get a long with over half of my so called family. They don't know anything about my problems (personal info).. ect except that I'm 34 and still live at home.