Are there any aspie forums...

[NiceCupOfTea]

... where you can actually freely express your own opinions? Please tell me if you know of any; PM me if it's a secret. I just want to be able to be free to say what I have to say - I'm sorry if my opinions upset some of you, but I don't see why they're any less valid than yours or why I should have to suppress them. I've remained polite and given my reasons for thinking the way I do.

 

[AGXStarseed]

... where you can actually freely express your own opinions? Please tell me if you know of any; PM me if it's a secret. I just want to be able to be free to say what I have to say - I'm sorry if my opinions upset some of you, but I don't see why they're any less valid than yours or why I should have to suppress them. I've remained polite and given my reasons for thinking the way I do.

Just out of curiosity, can you explain what it is you've talked about that people don't seem to like?

 

[NiceCupOfTea]

It's all in the self-diagnosis vs. official diagnosis thread. The topic creator asked for people's opinions. I gave mine. The thread was closed. I daren't say any more than that.

All I can say is, I've remained a member of a certain site for nearly six years, despite disagreeing with nearly everyone at one point or another - I manage to hold some pretty strong opinions about Crohn's disease, I can tell you. It's quite strictly moderated too, but provided you avoid personal attacks moderators will tolerate a fair amount of dissent. Not everybody has to have exactly the same opinion.

 

[tree]

I couldn't see the problem in that thread, myself.
It closed before I could say so.
Maybe I just didn't understand the points people made.
Maybe I should have been 'upset' that people had
differing opinions.

It didn't seem so fraught with turmoil to me.
But as I say, maybe I just didn't understand.

 

[NiceCupOfTea]

Thanks, tree. Appreciated. I must admit, when I left this morning I didn't think I was going to come back to find it closed. Sometimes I get a feeling for when a thread has gone 'too far', but not this time.

I'm starting to feel a little depressed right now. There are issues about having autism that I would like to discuss. Instead, all I get is a load of 'aspie pride' stuff, or whatever. I'm not into all that. I'm not into cliques. I'm here because I have problems. Ideally I'd like to have support for those problems, and brainstorm possible solutions, but I'm not hopeful. At my age, it's looking increasingly unlikely I will be able to have the 'normal' life I crave.

 

[On the Inside]

We all have different experiences and perspectives, I for one like to be exposed to as wide a variety as possible. No reason that can't be done in a constructive manner. However, I consider myself practically immune to taking offense at anything, especially on an internet forum. What ever is said isn't going to have any lasting effect on me. I do try to be polite and understanding myself, and would certainly not deliberately try to be insensitive. So while I can see why some things might be sensitive topics that generate differing viewpoints, I don't see why there can't be differing views without animosity.

I hope you continue to participate, I have found your contributions valuable.

 

[King_Oni]

I haven't been around much to see what exactly went on in that thread, nor have I been the one who closed it.

Tracking back what I'm reading there, it's the person who opened the thread to start with, who requested it to be closed as it felt to go in a direction she hasn't anticipated and felt the thread had a bit too much animosity; and that's not really a "secret" as the thread is closed but not deleted or hidden from public view.

Whether people should request topics to be closed and if mods should agree with these actions is a totally different matter, which I feel would rather be a matter staff will discuss together, rather than a back and forth between staff and non-staff.

That said; feeling you can't express what you want isn't what we, or any forum, intends, but as it seems, in recent years online, people will get offended and angry over the most minor things, both aspie and non-aspie forums are susceptible to that... and as much as I hate it, and can't be bothered if someone is butthurt of whatever someone says, it does create a tense atmosphere. There's plenty I'd like to get off my chest at times, either on social media or on this forum, but I try to find a healthy balance in what I want to say, and how I want to say it, to make it feel a bit more neutral and less filled with some angry, raging rant which can be interpreted as "you can all die in a fire for all I care".

To get back to your question; is there a forum where this doesn't happen? No... there most likely isn't. I've been around on a few forums in the past, and from all I've been on, I think this one here is quite laid back in moderating even; some are way, way stricter.

 

[DC1346]

To get back to your question; is there a forum where this doesn't happen? No... there most likely isn't. I've been around on a few forums in the past, and from all I've been on, I think this one here is quite laid back in moderating even; some are way, way stricter.

The OP could always start a forum and be the site administrator ... just a thought ...

 

[Ste11aeres]

I'm the Moderator who closed it. I closed it sooner than I ordinarily would...the reason was that the OP requested it. There are always other threads on which members can express their opinions. Members also have their own blogs.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

In general, and speaking for myself, I trust people to know what their pain is. There's plenty of it going around without suggesting that people are wrong about it.

I'm not seeing how anyone's ability to express an opinion was frustrated. I am seeing a failure to acknowledge that insisting on a point of view was darkening the conversation.

While conversations are public, and may wander quite a bit, there's a lot to be said for respecting the original poster's intent. As with many introverts, aspies often dislike confrontation, and the social difficulties we have every day are especially hard to negotiate "in the heat." The "temper" of a site can be tricky, and it's a good idea not to take it for granted. People are apt to get a mite twitchy if they feel that anyone's suggesting that their pain isn't real.

 

[King_Oni]

The OP could always start a forum and be the site administrator ... just a thought ...

I'm a bit in the middle of this sentiment.

Yes, you're right... it does make sure you can run your own place with your own rules.

But, I'm not entirely on board with the idea in that I've seen many forums try to get of from the ground and it creates a really splintered "aspie culture" so to speak. I'm all for having more forums where people can find resources, but many small forums don't make aspies (or autistic folks) in general, a tight community, which... IMO is something we might, at times need, even if we're not all that awfully social. There are already enough small groups that misrepresent us (I've seen a few pretty nasty autism groups on social media in the past), and because of the small groups, there's often more of a herd/group mentality, rather than, for instance a big forum where, while there might be groups/cliques, there might be more than one group that hangs out and interacts with eachother. Essentially; small forums often make up a single clique, making it hard for outsiders to fit in; especially if you already struggle to find a connection to people, or in this case, more specific; aspies.

What's worth noting, and quite interesting; and I've seen this happen. People disagree with rules and start their own forum, only to realize people are not using their forum because apparently, the people who disagree with the rules on the forum I was at, weren't the most fun people. It's a pretty rough reality check when you notice that actually no one wants to hang around with you and the problem might be you, not the forum and/or enforced rules. That might be really alienating experience for plenty of people.

 

[NiceCupOfTea]

I'm in a little bit of a rush, 'cos I've got somebody coming to visit me at 11am and I'm dreading it. It isn't about anything bad, but I'm just not in the mood.

To get back to your question; is there a forum where this doesn't happen? No... there most likely isn't. I've been around on a few forums in the past, and from all I've been on, I think this one here is quite laid back in moderating even; some are way, way stricter.

I'm sure there must be some, if not because I've been a member of a few of them. I shouldn't imagine too many people are deeply interested in my forum history, but I do miss those days where almost literally anything went. The forums themselves have gone way of the dodo, sadly - and no it wasn't because trolls, or whatever, ran them into the ground.

That said, I can't seem to find any forums these days which don't have more rules about social etiquette than a Sunday church group. Unlike 10 years ago, I do understand the importance of having some rules in place now, but when you can say far less than you can at a church group, I cannot help feeling it's gone too far in the other direction. The moral guardians of the internet say: you wouldn't say those things in real life. Excuse me, I most certainly would.

Right, 8 minutes left until this person supposedly arrives. Let's read the other posts...

The OP could always start a forum and be the site administrator ... just a thought ...

I did it once. It was a small but thriving forum for a few years, but sadly is a ghost town nowadays. I'm Joch.

http://www.phantombabies.net/phpBB3/

I have actually thought about starting up a new forum, but my feeling is I'd get about 3 members and 2 of those would be my friends.

I'm the Moderator who closed it. I closed it sooner than I ordinarily would...the reason was that the OP requested it, and I feel that the person who started a thread should have the ability to make such a request. In a way, it is almost "their" thread (not completely, but sort of.) There are always other threads on which members can express their opinions. Members also have their own blogs.

Fair enough.

There was one forum I was at (now gone, 'cos the site owner decided to shut it down with only a day's notice) which had a thread ban feature, i.e. topic creators could ban anyone who posted in their thread, which meant the banned person could no longer post in that thread. As you can imagine, a few people wildly abused it, but as a self-moderation feature it actually didn't work that badly. Even the notorious t-ban users eventually calmed down, probably 'cos it got too boring when nobody replied in their topics anymore.

But, I'm not entirely on board with the idea in that I've seen many forums try to get of from the ground and it creates a really splintered "aspie culture" so to speak. I'm all for having more forums where people can find resources, but many small forums don't make aspies (or autistic folks) in general, a tight community, which... IMO is something we might, at times need, even if we're not all that awfully social. There are already enough small groups that misrepresent us (I've seen a few pretty nasty autism groups on social media in the past), and because of the small groups, there's often more of a herd/group mentality, rather than, for instance a big forum where, while there might be groups/cliques, there might be more than one group that hangs out and interacts with eachother. Essentially; small forums often make up a single clique, making it hard for outsiders to fit in; especially if you already struggle to find a connection to people, or in this case, more specific; aspies.

I tend to prefer larger, busier forums and I would happily join a big aspie forum, but only if it wasn't excessively moderated or had rogue mods going on power kicks.

What's worth noting, and quite interesting; and I've seen this happen. People disagree with rules and start their own forum, only to realize people are not using their forum because apparently, the people who disagree with the rules on the forum I was at, weren't the most fun people.

It's almost impossible to build up an active forum community from scratch these days: social media has been the death knell to most forums. It might be as you described it, but there might be other, perfectly valid, reasons why the forum never got off the ground.

And now this woman is 17 minutes late and counting.... :-/

 

[On the Inside]

And now this woman is 17 minutes late and counting.... :-/

That is both a blessing and a curse.

I guess I'm OK with someone starting a thread and then asking to have it closed if it strays from their intended topic or gets too out of hand for their comfort. If others wish to continue, they can start another thread and go with it. The more threads the better. And I do like the "sensitive topic" option, though that seems less about those who start the thread than it is about those who might wander into a hornet's nest.

 

[Nadador]

But, I'm not entirely on board with the idea in that I've seen many forums try to get of from the ground and it creates a really splintered "aspie culture" so to speak....(edit)

...(edit) but many small forums don't make aspies (or autistic folks) in general, a tight community, which... IMO is something we might, at times need, even if we're not all that awfully social. There are already enough small groups that misrepresent us (I've seen a few pretty nasty autism groups on social media in the past), and because of the small groups, there's often more of a herd/group mentality, rather than, for instance a big forum where, while there might be groups/cliques, there might be more than one group that hangs out and interacts with eachother. Essentially; small forums often make up a single clique, making it hard for outsiders to fit in; especially if you already struggle to find a connection to people, or in this case, more specific; aspies.

It's worth noting that AC was once a small startup. Looking back, could anyone say it wasn't worth doing? One never knows what the future of a venture will be. Personally, I prefer to be spoiled for choice, rather than confined to a single or pair of options. It isn't always about not favouring the rules. Not every big forum can maintain good atmosphere and oversight, which are of central importance to the experience of a place. [Those members who came here from somewhere else could likely attest to that.]

There are small groups [and large] which misrepresent any minority, as a matter of course. Social media is a hotbed of nastiness, anyway, so it's no surprise that this is where a number of more unpleasant or radical circles would be found. I find it curious, however, that one would think any online social community is meant to 'represent' an entire demographic. This one doesn't, nor does WP. These are places where individual members of the demographic in question represent themselves.

On a similar point, I find a strange contradiction between the desire for a 'tight community' and liberal use of the word 'clique' on forums. If small groups of people become genuine friends in a webspace, I would say it's an indicator that an effort to create community has been successful, provided those small units are friendly to others. It's terribly hard to make groups of close friends as an Aspie. We see evidence of this in threads constantly, as members describe their struggles forming bonds and fitting into a circle. We should celebrate any occasion on which people who would normally be isolated find good companions, yet, somehow, any sign of closeness between more than two people is roundly disparaged on many a forum, regardless of the temperament of the people involved. One can't have it both ways: 'Be a close community, but each of you should be equally close with everyone or you'll be branded with a term that has negative connotations.'

For the record, I don't see any combination of respondents in the thread which inspired this one that I would ever have identified as a 'clique'. It seems to me that it was simply a case of several people feeling invalidated by a strong opinion. I do absolutely support the right to state such opinions...as long as it's done with respect for others. When a subject is controversial, a degree of diplomacy is in order.