Any great social skills resources?

[Poppy98]

I've searched the internet but it seems like each skill requires 10's of hours of research. The best answers are generally directly from people, not the internet but noone who is interested knows much about it (so far).


Free resources are the only ones I can use right now, but you can include others for the future and for the benefit of other members.

I live in a very high- conflict situation.

 

[Grondhammar]

Two classics for conflict management are Crucial Conversations (Greeney & others), and Nonviolent Communication (Rosenberg). Most libraries have both, or can inter-library loan them. They aren't going to solve every problem... some situations are endemic. But I've found these to be helpful taking the sharp edge off situations.

 

[velociraptor]

it seems like each skill requires 10's of hours of research

Mine have taken hundreds and thousands. Only tens of hours of research sounds like a deal.

 

[Poppy98]

Mine have taken hundreds and thousands. Only tens of hours of research sounds like a deal.

how far through your list of questions do you feel that you've gotten?

 

[velociraptor]

how far through your list of questions do you feel that you've gotten?

Don't have a list of questions that I know of, but I spend many hours a week practicing reading microexpressions, analyzing body language, and learning about verbal cues to keep my skills up.

 

[Poppy98]

Don't have a list of questions that I know of, but I spend many hours a week practicing reading microexpressions, analyzing body language, and learning about verbal cues to keep my skills up.

Do you feel like you'll ever be close- enough to passing to stop researching new aspects/ topics? (Asking as a glimpse into the future for myself.)

 

[Shamar]

I've searched the internet but it seems like each skill requires 10's of hours of research. The best answers are generally directly from people, not the internet but noone who is interested knows much about it (so far).


Free resources are the only ones I can use right now, but you can include others for the future and for the benefit of other members.

I live in a very high- conflict situation.

I am probably the last person to ask about social skills. Trying to teach me social skills is like trying to teach a blind person to read the printed word. As soon as I think I have a handle on something, society changes, and what I had becomes useless. Years ago, I took up ballroom dancing as an attempt to learn social skills. I didn't learn any social skills, but I did get a lot of trophies. And since I am unable to ask a woman to dance, having the dance skills is sort of useless.

Despite years of searching, I know of no place that can actually teach social skills.

 

[Matthias]

I've searched the internet but it seems like each skill requires 10's of hours of research. The best answers are generally directly from people, not the internet but noone who is interested knows much about it (so far).

Only 10's of hours of research? If you want to learn something right, it will take at least that amount of time and most likely much longer. Anything less is nothing more than a "quick fix" that won't address the real problem.

The best social skills resource I've found is books on emotional intelligence. Despite taking longer initially, addressing the cause of social skills deficits is easier and works better than trying to learn or mimic correct responses to specific social situations.

 

[Poppy98]

Only 10's of hours of research? If you want to learn something right, it will take at least that amount of time and most likely much longer. Anything less is nothing more than a "qu

"quick fix" that won't address the real problem.

I was defining it pretty narrowly and also not really trying to be overly specific with the numbers.

For example I was talking about the realization that: as much as possible, I should try to discern the person's goal rather than just literally answering every question put to me, especially with cruel people. (Although technically someone else pointed this out, so I can't say I found it independently.)

I didn't mean "dealing with conflicts with friends, family, enemies, and every possible dynamic-- spatial or spoken-- innocent or criminal" as one skill. Idek if I'll ever get there fully.

Idek if I should stop putting my life on hold while I try to figure this out. I struggle at balancing multiple things.

The best social skills resource I've found is books on emotional intelligence. Despite taking longer initially, addressing the cause of social skills deficits is easier and works better than trying to learn or mimic correct responses to specific social situations.

Sounds like it's worth a try.

I did find that learning about boundaries, I've solved about 30% of my social situations because it helped me clarify and justify what is and isn't okay. Even if someone else isn't willing to be respectful and can pretty well communicate what I'm asking.
So i could imagine that some other topics that don't seem immediately obvious could also help.

I thought with autism, though social skills deficits usually are just a lack of knowledge. I guess learning about emotional intelligence still helps though?


Summary: cool, thank you!

 

[Poppy98]

Despite years of searching, I know of no place that can actually teach social skills.

That sort of makes sense with how my research has gone so far. I've yet to find a really great, all- encompassing resource.