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ANXIETY AND RELATIONSHIP

M

ManuelXX

Active Member
Good afternoon friends. For people who don't know who I am, I'm a 22-years-old italian boy and I study history and philosophy at the university. I am autistic and I have a generalized anxiosu disturb. In one month I will discuss my thesis and get my three-year degree. This period has been very difficult for me, because I faced some problems when I was writing my degree who changed my plans but also because I have a lot of anxiety for the future (for example: what i will be doing next year? How will be my future?)

I'm going to the psychologist and psychiatrist in this period. But the hard period and my anxiety are influencing my relationship. For my girlfriend is hard to stay with a person who is too much anxious, and the anxiety made me different from the person I was three years ago when this relationship has begun. Also the relations with other members of my family is harder than before, because of the anxiety.

If you have problems with anxiety, how do you manage these problems in order to not influence the relationship with your partner? What should I do, in your opinion, to don't let my anxiety to damage my relationship? (I'm sorry if me english is not perfect)
 
ManuelXX said:
If you have problems with anxiety, how do you manage these problems in order to not influence the relationship with your partner? What should I do, in your opinion, to don't let my anxiety to damage my relationship? (I'm sorry if me english is not perfect)
Click to expand...

I went to a psychiatrist who ultimately prescribed a particular medication to successfully address my symptoms of anxiety. I took the medication for a few years and then chose to successfully wean myself off of it.

In my own case there was no amount of advice that could ultimately subdue my symptoms of anxiety.
 
You could try to avoid the things that make you anxious, if possible. I guess if your girlfriend is a source then that could be trick. And you can also try to distract your mind with something else, such as by doing something that takes most of your focus, or in some cases thinking of something else.. though that one can take some practice and will likely not work too well in more extreme cases of anxiety.
Lastly you could look into medication for it, but I guess like Judge said above that option doesn't work for everyone.

Oh and therapy ofc, you can talk to your mental health professionals about it and try and work through it with them.

I do all of the above that I mentioned, but I do still have anxiety from time to time. I don't think there's a surefire way to fully get rid of it unfortunately. We can only try our best to manage it.
 
I meditate, and have been doing so for decades. It goes a long way to helping me, not just with my anxiety. It's not a cure, but it has helped me with way more than just my anxiety.

Now to relationships... I've never managed to have a relationship with anyone before, until now. It's a guy I met first about 6 years ago after moving to my current home. It is important who and how the other person is. He is really patient, because he never had any agenda with me, other than that he wanted to know me. After a couple years of suffering from anxiety around him abandoning me, I think I finally reached a point with him where I don't have that fear or anxiety anymore, and the way I did it was that I told him everything I was experiencing and why. Just by being himself and caring about me, he is healing decades of C-PTSD I got from a lifetime of living with my family members. But I had to become so self-aware and learn how to articulate why I was feeling anxious and other feelings I was having, and why those feelings were causing me to want to react in a way that damaged my relationship.

It's been a really long row to hoe. It took me more than half my life to become this self-aware, and to stop choosing to react from my ego in relation to people who actually care about me (i.e. not family)--this something I'm still in therapy to try to learn to do with family members.
 
ManuelXX said:
Good afternoon friends. For people who don't know who I am, I'm a 22-years-old italian boy and I study history and philosophy at the university. I am autistic and I have a generalized anxiosu disturb. In one month I will discuss my thesis and get my three-year degree. This period has been very difficult for me, because I faced some problems when I was writing my degree who changed my plans but also because I have a lot of anxiety for the future (for example: what i will be doing next year? How will be my future?)

I'm going to the psychologist and psychiatrist in this period. But the hard period and my anxiety are influencing my relationship. For my girlfriend is hard to stay with a person who is too much anxious, and the anxiety made me different from the person I was three years ago when this relationship has begun. Also the relations with other members of my family is harder than before, because of the anxiety.

If you have problems with anxiety, how do you manage these problems in order to not influence the relationship with your partner? What should I do, in your opinion, to don't let my anxiety to damage my relationship? (I'm sorry if me english is not perfect)
Click to expand...

@ManuelXX
Do know you are not alone in this situation. However, there are some strategies to help with the process of achieving your goals in life, despite the anxiety condition.

1. Do approach life with the understanding that NO ONE knows their future. As such one must not allow this to manifest as anxiety that affects your life in negative ways.
2. If you do not have a series of long and short-term goals in your life, you will have no direction, you won't have a purpose, and you will be forever "floating" through life as if you were on a small raft in a large sea. The lack of direction in your life, being subject to all the external forces in life, will exacerbate your anxiety.

Do take the time to sit and write down your long-term goals for education, your relationship with your girlfriend, career path, and financial goals. Once you have those long-term goals established, then write down the list of short-term goals that lead you reaching the long-term goals. There's a joke that says, "How do you eat an elephant?", the answer is "one small bite at a time".

As with life, there will be external forces that unknowingly pop up that will cause you to pause and redirect. This is normal and expected, but keep your focus. There are days at work when sometimes trying to get from "point A" to "point B" requires going through the entire alphabet! Life is like this sometimes. Your timelines for reaching your long-term goals may be pushed back. This is normal.

If you simply come to terms with the unknown and have plan "A", "B", and "C" ready to go, should something come along unexpectedly, you can pivot and redirect quickly. Another way to think of it would be like creating an "algorithm" for your life, "if this, then that", but keep moving forward.
 
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Thanks to all of you. I will speak with my psychologist and meditate. Than I will try to programme more my life and I will try new medicines (according with my psychiatrist) because now I'm taking one who is not useful for me
 
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