I began college for the second time yesterday, this time, not in Louisiana, but in New York, with a huge campus.
A Psychology major with a minor in Philosophy, taking 14 credits.
I almost didn't go to my first day.
I'm horrible with directions even with a map but I found my classes. I have to go three days a week but this isn't about that.
What I notice, as I'm feeling rather surreal, is what I already knew but haven't seen in so long. I have not been in the public eye for several years, really. But what I know to be true in my small interactions has proven to be something of a puzzle when I see it in a big place, tons of people around my age.
Sitting on windowsills in the hallway, talking to other people I assume "friends," whatever that may be, drinking coffee they must have had to go through some frazzling social interaction at the cafe' on campus to acquire. People standing outside, talking, waving at other people they know.
I listen to some of their words in passing. It sounds like gibberish even as I know the words. When they string them together, into their conversations, however, they become mutilated and menial. How do they do it? Why do they want to do it?
Better question: Why can I not do it?
Friendships, how do they happen. I'm not asking because it doesn't apply to me. It's a statement. How, do they happen. How they DO happen.
Conversations, how do they start. Also not a question, but a statement. How they do start.
Pondering. Why am I on the outside, and why can I not understand their interactions with each other, and why does it confuse me even though I do not desire to do what it is they do?
Dizzy
A Psychology major with a minor in Philosophy, taking 14 credits.
I almost didn't go to my first day.
I'm horrible with directions even with a map but I found my classes. I have to go three days a week but this isn't about that.
What I notice, as I'm feeling rather surreal, is what I already knew but haven't seen in so long. I have not been in the public eye for several years, really. But what I know to be true in my small interactions has proven to be something of a puzzle when I see it in a big place, tons of people around my age.
Sitting on windowsills in the hallway, talking to other people I assume "friends," whatever that may be, drinking coffee they must have had to go through some frazzling social interaction at the cafe' on campus to acquire. People standing outside, talking, waving at other people they know.
I listen to some of their words in passing. It sounds like gibberish even as I know the words. When they string them together, into their conversations, however, they become mutilated and menial. How do they do it? Why do they want to do it?
Better question: Why can I not do it?
Friendships, how do they happen. I'm not asking because it doesn't apply to me. It's a statement. How, do they happen. How they DO happen.
Conversations, how do they start. Also not a question, but a statement. How they do start.
Pondering. Why am I on the outside, and why can I not understand their interactions with each other, and why does it confuse me even though I do not desire to do what it is they do?
Dizzy