I have felt this presence in my life on a number of occasions, so profoundly that there can be no other explanation for it as far as I’m concerned. And without going into more detail, at least not at this time, this feeling allowed me to do things that I ought not to have been able to do.
I was able to move from one country to another, always knowing there would be somebody I would be able to be with, so essentially I was just travelling on a flying seat for awhile. Even though I find airports challenging, requiring earplugs and sitting alone, avoiding the constant overwhelming sensory input, it was doable because I felt like where I would end up and what would happen as a result would be more than worth going through the difficulty. This turned out to be true.
But even when I later ended up on an Ashram in India, where I knew where I was going and why, I didn't know what I would find when I got there, but I felt like I was being supported in a way that seemed like all I had to do was let it happen and everything would be okay. That turned out to be true too.
The feeling was like having a mother with me, always watching over me, not judging me, just helping me, just making me see what I needed to see, not letting any of the circumstances create anxiety or panic, and the more I experienced this, the more I was able to accept the situation as it was, whatever it was, without deciding that I couldn’t. I could allow it to be and trust that this was what I needed to experience. This turned out to be true as well.
Was that Grace? I don't need to define it really.
In Israel and especially in India, I was shown how much I was not how I had imagined myself to be. How I had been living. Such wonderful, sometimes miraculous things occurred, seemingly randomly, and yet definitely not, like everything was being orchestrated perfectly. I felt truly alive for the first time.
I wanted you to know that even though I am on the spectrum, it was still possible through surrender and acceptance to experience the world in a way that I would struggle to do now. Maybe struggle is not quite the right word, maybe it's more like I don't need to anymore. I certainly don’t want to. I got what I needed from it, my eyes were opened, and now any thoughts of going are just my idea of escaping from a situation I find difficult to be in. This was all 30 years ago.
I still like the idea of joining a spiritual community though. But right now even if I wanted to it isn’t possible. Sad.
I was able to move from one country to another, always knowing there would be somebody I would be able to be with, so essentially I was just travelling on a flying seat for awhile. Even though I find airports challenging, requiring earplugs and sitting alone, avoiding the constant overwhelming sensory input, it was doable because I felt like where I would end up and what would happen as a result would be more than worth going through the difficulty. This turned out to be true.
But even when I later ended up on an Ashram in India, where I knew where I was going and why, I didn't know what I would find when I got there, but I felt like I was being supported in a way that seemed like all I had to do was let it happen and everything would be okay. That turned out to be true too.
The feeling was like having a mother with me, always watching over me, not judging me, just helping me, just making me see what I needed to see, not letting any of the circumstances create anxiety or panic, and the more I experienced this, the more I was able to accept the situation as it was, whatever it was, without deciding that I couldn’t. I could allow it to be and trust that this was what I needed to experience. This turned out to be true as well.
Was that Grace? I don't need to define it really.
In Israel and especially in India, I was shown how much I was not how I had imagined myself to be. How I had been living. Such wonderful, sometimes miraculous things occurred, seemingly randomly, and yet definitely not, like everything was being orchestrated perfectly. I felt truly alive for the first time.
I wanted you to know that even though I am on the spectrum, it was still possible through surrender and acceptance to experience the world in a way that I would struggle to do now. Maybe struggle is not quite the right word, maybe it's more like I don't need to anymore. I certainly don’t want to. I got what I needed from it, my eyes were opened, and now any thoughts of going are just my idea of escaping from a situation I find difficult to be in. This was all 30 years ago.
I still like the idea of joining a spiritual community though. But right now even if I wanted to it isn’t possible. Sad.
