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Am I being selfish?

J

Julie Gross

None Of Your Business
Do I appear selfish to people? People have said "we went some too" and "things like couldn't you have taken over for someone" and stuff like "get over yourself" and people have acted like I think I am the only one in the world which I don't think this it'd just hard to help other people because I feel like I don't know how I just know how to help myself and it's easier for me to worry about myself. People just treat me like I am a selfish or self centered person but I am autistic. Also I said I love myself and this person was like yeah I know like iam selfish person in the world. I didn't mean it that way though. Can anyone help me with this? Isn't this just a reflection of how they feel? I don't know what to think.
 
People are afraid of self-love and self-care. Sometimes I see efforts through various media outlets for those issues to be dispelled, which is nice. Sometimes everyone is just trying to appear kinder and more selfless than everyone else. It's like a contest.

I come off the same way as you do sometimes.
And sometimes I come off as a psychopath.

But the way people see me generally doesn't affect me.
I know myself well enough. :cool:

I wouldn't worry about it. :) But perhaps you could be less vocal about things related to this topic, if people's responses are bothering you.

Or you could be even more vocal about it just to practice not caring! :D

That sounds fun. I think I'd do that.

Maybe I did do that and forgot. :eek:
 
First and foremost, the only person in this world you can truly help is yourself, so don't feel bad about that. As far as the negative comments go, I'd do my best to ignore them, or if it's well-meant constructive criticism listen and try to adapt.
 
Without having some scenarios it is an impossible question to answer. The indication with the comments you mentioned is that there have been situations where you may not have considered the needs of others. Maybe you didn't assess those situations correctly in relation to other people involved, but that could be taken as a point of learning. Ask questions and understand why people said those things in a non-self-defensive manner. Could be a good life lesson.
 
I believe that everyone is selfish.
I can't pour water to another person's cup when my cup is empty.
I've got to care for myself first before I can care for someone else, or else there will probably be massive disappointments on both sides.

"Can I have a cup of tea?"
"Yes, sure!"
"... There is no cup of tea coming from your container!"
"Oh..."
"..."
 
It's not uncommon for people like us to appear selfish to others. My family used to accuse me of being extremely selfish, in addition to other things, just because they couldn't understand how my mind worked.

The thing is, I find that those who are very quick to make assumptions of a person's character like that are guilty of rigid thinking. They think rigidly like that because they have unrealistic and unfair expectations of others, and they are also quick to compare others' thoughts and actions to their own thoughts and actions.

You know what really annoys the crap out of me? When people ask stuff like, "Couldn't you have done this? Couldn't you have thought of that? Didn't it occur to you that ...? Most people would do this, so why couldn't you...?" If people just stopped having a lot of unfair and inappropriate expectations and making assumptions, then we'd stop feeling so disappointed.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being selfish. Is it wrong to put your own needs before others'? No, because why the hell would anyone do that anyway? If you don't care about and look after yourself first, who else would?

When most people hear the word "selfish" they think, "inconsiderate," "rude," overly self-absorbed. Yes, those are common synonyms of selfish, but selfish can also mean that your priority is your needs. Does prioritizing your needs automatically equate to thinking everyone else's needs are far less important than yours? No. But this is how NT's think.

What they see in us as their limited version of selfish is often just lack of awareness of the environment and surroundings, being inside our own heads, trying to cope with various things at once that may be causing us stress.
 
You don't seem very selfish to me... People accuse others of being selfish, because they are unsatisfied with their own situation. They think, that the selfish person does something they don't dare to - that's why they get angry at them. If I can't have something, why can he or she?
 
Maybe you come across selfish without realizing it. If it helps, maybe tell people you are autistic, so they know it's not intentional on your part.
 
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