After-effects of recent diagnosis/self-discovery

[Slithytoves]

I just posted a thread here the other day about my experience getting diagnosed. Consider this Part II: The Post-Diagnosis Life Review.

I took an online Asperger's test, then went to my doctor and made it official. When I did these things it was really for my partner's benefit more than anything. He wanted an answer for his own suspicion that I am an Aspie. I was pretty bland about the whole thing, not expecting it to make much of a difference to me. Boy, was I wrong!

I've spent the past few days doing a complete recalculation of everything I knew about my life to date. I've always been pretty self-aware, so I thought I had a good grasp of things like my past relationships, jobs, you name it. Now that I look at it all through the lens of AS, I'm finding that many of the conclusions I've come to in the aftermath of various choices and events have all been pretty much wrong. I'm happy to report this hasn't upset me; I think I'm too elated by my AS epiphany to feel estranged from my own past by the sudden upheaval of understanding. I don't feel like my files have exploded all over the floor of my mental office. But it sure has been a revelation. What an amazing feeling, for everything to finally make sense.

What was it like for you in the days immediately following your discovery** that you have an ASD?

**I want to make it clear that I don't just mean official diagnosis; I know there are plenty of authentic Aspies here who haven't gone that route, and I respect self-diagnosis as much as any other method.

 

[Nitro]

I just posted a thread here the other day about my experience getting diagnosed. Consider this Part II: The Post-Diagnosis Life Review.

I took an online Asperger's test, then went to my doctor and made it official. When I did these things it was really for my partner's benefit more than anything. He wanted an answer for his own suspicion that I am an Aspie. I was pretty bland about the whole thing, not expecting it to make much of a difference to me. Boy, was I wrong!

I've spent the past few days doing a complete recalculation of everything I knew about my life to date. I've always been pretty self-aware, so I thought I had a good grasp of things like my past relationships, jobs, you name it. Now that I look at it all through the lens of AS, I'm finding that many of the conclusions I've come to in the aftermath of various choices and events have all been pretty much wrong. I'm happy to report this hasn't upset me; I think I'm too elated by my AS epiphany to feel estranged from my own past by the sudden upheaval of understanding. I don't feel like my files have exploded all over the floor of my mental office. But it sure has been a revelation. What an amazing feeling, for everything to finally make sense.

What was it like for you in the days immediately following your discovery** that you have an ASD?

**I want to make it clear that I don't just mean official diagnosis; I know there are plenty of authentic Aspies here who haven't gone that route, and I respect self-diagnosis as much as any other method.

I remember my day of awakening quite well...
it sure did explain a lot about my past and present

 

[Spiller]

I lived with about a million different problems, any one of which set me apart from my peers and all of which were just too much to deal with all at once.
Now I'm able to separate them into 'boxes'.. AS, Social Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, Emotional Abuse.. and deal with each seperately - medication, CBT/NLP, meditation.. councelling if I can get a diagnosis.
I finally know who I am now and it's great!

 

[Judge]

The after effects of self-discovery? I suppose it must be like one of those "moments of clarity".

When you realize that for the first time in your life, you have a concrete "frame of reference" to work with, and go from here. Whereas before your whole life may have been just one big confusing mystery.

 

[Progster]

I reacted in a similar way - first came relief that I'd last found a root cause for many issues in my life that I hadn't even imagined might be related until I learned about AS, then came the process of self-examination of my past and present behaviour. I really need to sort out what is down to AS, what is me, my personality, and what is other non-AS issues.

 

[Ellylldan]

It was surely a big revelation!

How it was, and still is, for me:

Asperger syndrome? What's Asperger syndrome?
--> Mmm, interesting. What? Hehe, are they talking about me? Naaah, I don't flap my hands. But... Ohh, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think it's worth some more deep research.
--> What can I say, it does explain a lot about me.. Actually, everything... Could it be that I...? Hmm.
--> Maybe I am just being an hypochondriac, let's find proofs for me not having this syndrome.
--> Well, now all these "proofs" make me kind of nearly sure I'm an Aspie.. Am I an Aspie?!
--> Hubby, look at this!! It looks like I'm not a freak after all! It seems I'm an Aspie!
--> Finally I can stop blaming myself for not trying hard enough, I can embrace myself now.
--> It all makes sense now!
--> [Process of continuous self-analising, reviewing of all my life, mumbling from time to time: "Aaaaah, that's why!". Wonderful process of re-discovering my real self buried under tons of masks.
Not easy process of readjusting all aspects of my life according to this new amazing knowledge. Lot's of work, yeah, but hey, it's way better than fighting with windmills!
Feeling that there is a hope at last and the new world is waiting for me.]

I must say it was the most important discovery about myself in my life!
(Still sometimes a fear kicks in that I'm not really an Aspie but just a freak.. )

 

[clg114]

It was my ultimate "ah ha moment". I have always known that I was different than everybody else. Now I know the why and how. Research showed me the technicalities of AS. Aspies Central showed me the personalities of AS.

 

[Nitro]

It was my ultimate "ah ha moment". I have always known that I was different than everybody else. Now I know the why and how. Research showed me the technicalities of AS. Aspies Central showed me the personalities of AS.

well put

 

[Warwick C]

for me it gave a clarity as to my differculties in the past and why i do some things.

now I want to learn more about aspergers and the differences in women.

 

[Sarsaparilla]

It was a bit of a shock at first. I hadn't gone to my psychiatrist for a diagnosis of Asperger's but I got one anyway. But then I read and learnt about it and it became an amazing journey of discovery, one I'm still on. It's such a relief to get answers to so much and to understand things that have happened clearly.

(Still sometimes a fear kicks in that I'm not really an Aspie but just a freak.. )

Me too - I go through phases where I doubt I have it and I start judging myself by NT standards.

I also sometimes get depressed about the past and the missed opportunities I've had, when I could have done with more support, but I'm trying to move on from that.

 

[Warwick C]

Sasparilla I hope in time you can come to judge your self in aspie terms, instead of trying to be something we are not. It makes things so much less stressful.

 

[AsheSkyler]

After the initial week of, "am I? am I? am I?" and heavy research, I then spent about a month resisting the urge to go dancing down the aisles going "I am autistic! It makes perfect sense! I don't have allergies or tumors! Yippee!!!" My sensory issues have kinda lead to some morbid speculation from others.

 

[Nitro]

After the initial week of, "am I? am I? am I?" and heavy research, I then spent about a month resisting the urge to go dancing down the aisles going "I am autistic! It makes perfect sense! I don't have allergies or tumors! Yippee!!!" My sensory issues have kinda lead to some morbid speculation from others.

I punctured a vein in the back of my hand once with welding wire. After a few minutes,a bulge appeared on my hand the size of a mouse. I blew it off until one of my helpers started talking about blood clots and brain aneurisms. I panicked. The doc at the emergency room laughed it off.
He said it was the same as when they drew blood and it was only bleeding under the skin.
I felt like an idiot

 

[AsheSkyler]

I punctured a vein in the back of my hand once with welding wire. After a few minutes,a bulge appeared on my hand the size of a mouse. I blew it off until one of my helpers started talking about blood clots and brain aneurisms. I panicked. The doc at the emergency room laughed it off.
He said it was the same as when they drew blood and it was only bleeding under the skin.
I felt like an idiot

But a happy idiot! It's a little different when it's your own body. Sounds painful though, didn't all that swelling itch?

 

[Nitro]

But a happy idiot! It's a little different when it's your own body. Sounds painful though, didn't all that swelling itch?

For weeks...laughs
I broke my brain,skull,jaw and trashed my neck and arm all at the same time...that has been hurting for over four years
I got Lyme's disease last fall as well...when I found out,I shook my fist at the sky and yelled "Really?"
I don't consider myself disabled,only in early retirement at 50 where I make the schedule that fits me best


The way I figure it,it will take a wall of bullets you can't see thru to kill me

 

[AsheSkyler]

For weeks...laughs
I broke my brain,skull,jaw and trashed my neck and arm all at the same time...that has been hurting for over four years
I got Lyme's disease last fall as well...when I found out,I shook my fist at the sky and yelled "Really?"
I don't consider myself disabled,only in early retirement at 50 where I make the schedule that fits me best


The way I figure it,it will take a wall of bullets you can't see thru to kill me

I'm not surprised, major damage like that tends to leave residual irritation. Worst I've done (excluding things I've stepped on) was a pulled muscle or something in my ribs. That still aches and sometimes a sharp pain goes through for no good reason. No broken bones, so I don't have any built-in little meteorologists to tell me when the humidity shifts and it's about to rain. At least, I hope you're lucky enough not to have that sensitivity.

Enjoy your retirement! Time for full-time hobbies and other fun stuff.

 

[Nitro]

Enjoy your retirement! Time for full-time hobbies and other fun stuff.

hittin' it hard

 

[Slithytoves]

I reacted in a similar way - first came relief that I'd last found a root cause for many issues in my life that I hadn't even imagined might be related until I learned about AS, then came the process of self-examination of my past and present behaviour. I really need to sort out what is down to AS, what is me, my personality, and what is other non-AS issues.

I can totally relate to what you wrote. Now that I've absorbed my diagnosis and done a general review of my life through this new lens, I'm starting to go back and examine everything in more detail, sorting all of my personal characteristics into figurative piles. So many of the things that are most Aspie-like about me aren't the Big Ones written up in the DSM. It's myriad other things, some them pretty obscure, that never caused me any functional impairment but still stuck out to me and others as peculiar.

My total experience worries me a little for other extrovert/especially well-adapted Aspies who have yet to be diagnosed, because I'm finding that Aspieness is as much about range of traits as it is about severity, yet formal diagnosis is hinged entirely on a very small handful of characteristics. If those aren't severe enough, a genuine Aspie can be denied proper validation.

I felt pretty awesome when I took the RAADS-R on my own and saw my score, but having a doctor tell me she agreed with my results, and seeing "Asperger's" typed up as an official dx, is what made it all completely real to me.

Research showed me the technicalities of AS. Aspies Central showed me the personalities of AS.

Beautifully stated!

 

[watersprite]

I just posted a thread here the other day about my experience getting diagnosed. Consider this Part II: The Post-Diagnosis Life Review.

I took an online Asperger's test, then went to my doctor and made it official. When I did these things it was really for my partner's benefit more than anything. He wanted an answer for his own suspicion that I am an Aspie. I was pretty bland about the whole thing, not expecting it to make much of a difference to me. Boy, was I wrong!

I've spent the past few days doing a complete recalculation of everything I knew about my life to date. I've always been pretty self-aware, so I thought I had a good grasp of things like my past relationships, jobs, you name it. Now that I look at it all through the lens of AS, I'm finding that many of the conclusions I've come to in the aftermath of various choices and events have all been pretty much wrong. I'm happy to report this hasn't upset me; I think I'm too elated by my AS epiphany to feel estranged from my own past by the sudden upheaval of understanding. I don't feel like my files have exploded all over the floor of my mental office. But it sure has been a revelation. What an amazing feeling, for everything to finally make sense.

What was it like for you in the days immediately following your discovery** that you have an ASD?

**I want to make it clear that I don't just mean official diagnosis; I know there are plenty of authentic Aspies here who haven't gone that route, and I respect self-diagnosis as much as any other method.

I feel similarly. Following your 'mental files' metaphor; definitely notice that certain key information was missing from my files, and now a lot of my memory is being rounded out and made more accurate. This is leading to connections and what seems to be the beginning of new pathways, as well as grateful closures of others. If that makes sense.