Les
Member
Hello everyone, after struggling for quite a while with disparities between myself and my girlfriend it finally made me realise (and after profuse encouragement from my girlfriend) to seek advice. Particularly, in the realm of "understanding" to say.
We've been together for about 3 years and 4 months, having finished high school together, moved out together, travelled across the continent and back, we've done a fair bit. However for this whole time, I have had difficulties which I didn't know would impede and erode my relationship with my partner. I was diagnosed and assessed about 8 years ago for mild Aspergers syndrome, and up until around last year I was blissfully unaware of the differences that meant for me with how I interact, treat, and think of people. Being from the country side the idea of "everybody is different" is touted and hence I never thought there was anything I had to deal with.
During the high school (first couple of years of our relationship) I discovered a fantastic group of friend I really clicked with. I saw my girlfriend at school every day and as quality time to me isn't something I really feel to yearn for, I thought as I was satisfied with that so was she, and so I often drove 6 times the distance (with one of the friends in tow as it was on my way, also a woman which made it more awkward) to drink, hang out, play games, whatever really. This caused my girlfriend to feel upset, blame herself, then blame me (rightfully so) for how she felt about my behaviour. Looking back after properly understanding how she feels about it and why from her NT perspective I know I'm in the wrong for it, and again how was I to know at the time?
Yet, here I am now struggling with ways to (for example) demonstrate my feelings for my girlfriend clearly, ensuring I spend enough quality time, paying attention to her when I should (and I really want to, trust me, but DAMN it's as if my mind declares nah not now mate), recognise when I should participate in helping her with something (say she's back after a long day of work and it's her turn to prepare dinner, but instead of offering to help her prepare dinner when she's tired I only greet her, give her a big hug, and then remain idle absolutely lost as to what to do now). With that previous point I must exaggerate, I understand some ways to demonstrate affection and to care for her properly when she needs it most, but when it comes time I can sometimes recognise how she is feeling and very rarely act upon it.
For these reasons, and others I may digress later, I am making this post here and will be attempting to see a behavioural psychologist (or something) to come up with sorts of strategies to be able to help her, or to be at a middle ground. Any input will be read and I'm hoping all you fellow spergs and autists here can ride my wavelength and may have figured out where I've been stuck at for over a year now. Hoping to hear soon guys.
We've been together for about 3 years and 4 months, having finished high school together, moved out together, travelled across the continent and back, we've done a fair bit. However for this whole time, I have had difficulties which I didn't know would impede and erode my relationship with my partner. I was diagnosed and assessed about 8 years ago for mild Aspergers syndrome, and up until around last year I was blissfully unaware of the differences that meant for me with how I interact, treat, and think of people. Being from the country side the idea of "everybody is different" is touted and hence I never thought there was anything I had to deal with.
During the high school (first couple of years of our relationship) I discovered a fantastic group of friend I really clicked with. I saw my girlfriend at school every day and as quality time to me isn't something I really feel to yearn for, I thought as I was satisfied with that so was she, and so I often drove 6 times the distance (with one of the friends in tow as it was on my way, also a woman which made it more awkward) to drink, hang out, play games, whatever really. This caused my girlfriend to feel upset, blame herself, then blame me (rightfully so) for how she felt about my behaviour. Looking back after properly understanding how she feels about it and why from her NT perspective I know I'm in the wrong for it, and again how was I to know at the time?
Yet, here I am now struggling with ways to (for example) demonstrate my feelings for my girlfriend clearly, ensuring I spend enough quality time, paying attention to her when I should (and I really want to, trust me, but DAMN it's as if my mind declares nah not now mate), recognise when I should participate in helping her with something (say she's back after a long day of work and it's her turn to prepare dinner, but instead of offering to help her prepare dinner when she's tired I only greet her, give her a big hug, and then remain idle absolutely lost as to what to do now). With that previous point I must exaggerate, I understand some ways to demonstrate affection and to care for her properly when she needs it most, but when it comes time I can sometimes recognise how she is feeling and very rarely act upon it.
For these reasons, and others I may digress later, I am making this post here and will be attempting to see a behavioural psychologist (or something) to come up with sorts of strategies to be able to help her, or to be at a middle ground. Any input will be read and I'm hoping all you fellow spergs and autists here can ride my wavelength and may have figured out where I've been stuck at for over a year now. Hoping to hear soon guys.