Adult son with Social Anxiety Issues/on spectrum

[DogzSpirit]

I had terrible social anxiety and a paralyzing fear of rejection. The way I found to relieve that was involvement with groups that were cooperative for activities. Being ND was not an issue and I was among a lot of quirky people, so I was accepted. That gave me the confidence to be both social and follow my internal ethics.

I believe he has found that in his work associates. He has found many a good friend there, and the more interactive he is, the more blunted that anxiety becomes.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I believe he has found that in his work associates. He has found many a good friend there, and the more interactive he is, the more blunted that anxiety becomes.

That is wonderful to hear. I just hope that he develops the confidence in his relationship to share some of the happiness with you. My extended family always got together for the big holidays and I enjoyed introducing Susan to everybody on Christmas before we left the next day to go XC-Skiing in N Michigan while camping in her popup camper.

 

[Hypnalis]

@DogzSpirit

You missed the point of my post.

Stop thinking of your 39-tear old son as a helpless child. Stop thinking of his relationship as a teenage romance.

You want to engage with your adult son and his adult GF you see as a potential life partner for him, and you're denying them both agency.

They're quite likely to be "playing" you because of this.

 

[DogzSpirit]

That is wonderful to hear. I just hope that he develops the confidence in his relationship to share some of the happiness with you. My extended family always got together for the big holidays and I enjoyed introducing Susan to everybody on Christmas before we left the next day to go XC-Skiing in N Michigan while camping in her popup camper.

I believe you hit upon something quite true, that it may indeed be developing a confidence in his relationship that is key. That, and the maturity that develops, alongside of such confidence.

 

[DogzSpirit]

Update: Immediately after his cruise vacation, there was a split in son's/girlfriend connect, due to incompatiblity issues (gf complained entire time about vacation-son more laid back). However, much good came of my communications with him, in that he said it made sense that a gf may wonder why she hasn't met parents and/or her family/friends might even keep pressing her as to what's up with that.

Turn the page and son announced before hand upon hearing that I planned to make chicken parmesan to bring over for our sleepover night dinner, that he was going to invite his (a different) girlfriend over for dinner/meeting us. Which is nice that he thought through some of my thoughts my letter to him. I sent that with a note at the end, no need to respond, just think about it.

So it's rather cool... good came of that turning this over and over in my mind and throwing out my thoughts here and in a letter to him.

I am so proud of him that he navigates life well (promo at work whoa), and while I still enjoy helping him (hubby and I just supervised a rec-room/basement flood repair of floors redone and H/I painting the walls, (officially his BD present) which he loved the end result. However, I love that if I were not here, he would do just fine on his own.

I am going off track here, but it's with a point. It is always good to be someone's kid, even if older... I myself miss my mom, and remember all the love and support she offered me. My story would have been so much more challenging without that unconditional and intense love. She is the reason that I am who I am, and am this powerful and able to see through the challenges presented in my wiring. Thus, I know the difference being loved and knowing someone thinks I am perfect and amazing makes.

Now with an adult son, ya have to step back a touch from that mother daughter relationship, as I have. Once he said to me (in private), it's not true that sons need less love and help, when he overheard (and was upset about) H's daughter saying that because he was a son, he didn't need help, and that only she needed help. He said, Sons don't tell you everything like a daughter might, but they do love being loved and cared for.

Thanks to everyone who shared their perspective, and while some of it did not quite fit my circumstances, I do appreciate the energy and time in responding. It reminded me of the differences in everyones experience and thus perspective of life.