First of all I would like to say I have been fairly inactive on these forums for the past few months mainly because I have gotten busy with other tasks like trying out video games I have never beat before, doing stuff like analysing malware and even just taking care of my pet bunny I have had since late June this year and it's been an interesting year to say the least because I got my first apartment of my own this year and I am trying to manage to live on my own(with some minor help/advice and visits from close relatives) and so far I have been doing it since early this year and in a few months I will have done it for about half a year or so.
Now what I am going to talk about is something I have been seeking professional help for and I will get a time this month so at the very least I am glad I am trying to fix it because this is a very serious issue that is and has been affecting my physical health and it's that I have been getting increasingly overweight during the months since I started living on my own and now I am approximately at 200 pounds or 90 kg with a huge pot belly and a large amount of stretch marks which makes it almost look like I am pregnant in the last month.
I have had issues before regarding that I tend to eat too much and too fast before I started living on my own and this does include things like ordering huge orders of fast food probably intended for several people and yet I consume all of it myself such as eating at Mcdonalds not only a double quarter pounder with cheese but also 20 piece chicken nuggets with side orders of large fries dip sauce and a large soda + dessert or doing ludicrously unhealthy special orders like ordering a big mac with 8 pieces of meat and 8 slices of cheese and eating it all with the side orders mentioned above.
I should also mention I am not very physically active and mostly just spend my days in front of my laptop or phone either watching youtube videos listening to music
playing video games or doing general technology related tasks and not only that but for a very long time since I was a young child I have always had issues regarding my sleep routine and this only got worse because during my early teenage years onwards to now I developed an extremely unhealthy addiction to watching pornography usually late at night and if I am not doing that I just watch youtube videos or just browse the internet generally often times to late at night or early in the morning
and this habit of staying up all night with technology also goes back to my childhood pre teen years even where I would stay up all night playing on my Nintendo dsi or my Nintendo 3ds just playing games like New super mario bros or the gen 5 pokemon games.
And for years as a child I also struggled with sleeping with lights out because of an event I am still often reminded of in my head that happened when I was very young probably no older than perhaps 5 years of age and it happened 16 years ago.
In case you have never experienced it and I hope you don't what I most likely experienced was a case of sleep paralysis and what happened was that I was having a dream of being at a preschool I was at during that age and I heard a horrible female/banshee sounding scream almost like somebody was being tortured that came seemingly out of nowhere and after waking up the bedroom was dark in the middle of the night and I heard this same scream again but what is terrifying was that I could very clearly see the outlines of a shadowy human like figure running inside my bedroom but I could not make out what it was and I suddenly I felt something grab one of my legs to pull me out of my bed and I resisted and eventually it stopped and I was so absolutely mortified I just hid under my covers and started crying for my mommy to go lay with me for what felt for literal hours if not years until she heard me and comforted me in the middle of the night and slept beside me.
Several other nights if I would wake up with my lights out I would again start calling for my mom because of the negative association of that single event and she would do the same thing she did the first time was sleep next to me but what I also do remember is that one night while she was sleeping next to me I could hear outside the bedroom this very same terrifying scream but luckily this time it was only the sound itself and nothing else happened so I must have been hallucinating and I went back to sleep thinking nothing of it.
And even now 16 years later I can still hear myself at that age doing exactly that and it's absolutely gutwrenching to listen to and I could only describe it as the sound of a child in emotional agony and distress unlike anything I have heard before or since.
Now as for what I think is the biggest reason as to why I am having issues controlling my weight is that I am in need of planning and routines regarding what to eat and when to eat because I have for example a tendency to eat dinner too late and when I do I might eat really unhealthy and too much of it which again also affects my sleeping routines and as I am writing this the clock is almost 2 at night and I should really be asleep but I could not care less because I have felt for some time now I need to write down my thoughts regarding these issues because it's easier to do it in written form than talking about it because I sometimes forget to talk about certain important details or events.
I did try once though to implement a japanese food only diet and I now have most of the common and easy to find basic ingredients needed to make it happen in my pantry but unfortunately what is kind of a huge pain in the neck is when I want to make popular recipes such as miso ramen soup link to recipe because often certain ingredients are simply impossible to find in a physical store even in asian specialty stores such as the commonly used fishcakes in ramen noodle soups or even something as basic as tuffed tofu and the other annoying part is when the recipe requires tools that I don't have and I am forced to buy it through some online store when I just want to buy them physically and not have to wait for what ever I need to arrive and it can get expensive as well too which only makes it more annoying because I just want to eat healthier but unfortunately I just can't even if I wanted to and it's the only diet I found that actually contains food that I could actually see myself eating and I have tried Sushi which I absolutely love eating when I get the chance but Sushi is expensive and I want to eat more than just that alone.
There is probably more I could add to this post in terms of details but as for now this is what I can add for now at least.
Now what I am going to talk about is something I have been seeking professional help for and I will get a time this month so at the very least I am glad I am trying to fix it because this is a very serious issue that is and has been affecting my physical health and it's that I have been getting increasingly overweight during the months since I started living on my own and now I am approximately at 200 pounds or 90 kg with a huge pot belly and a large amount of stretch marks which makes it almost look like I am pregnant in the last month.
I have had issues before regarding that I tend to eat too much and too fast before I started living on my own and this does include things like ordering huge orders of fast food probably intended for several people and yet I consume all of it myself such as eating at Mcdonalds not only a double quarter pounder with cheese but also 20 piece chicken nuggets with side orders of large fries dip sauce and a large soda + dessert or doing ludicrously unhealthy special orders like ordering a big mac with 8 pieces of meat and 8 slices of cheese and eating it all with the side orders mentioned above.
I should also mention I am not very physically active and mostly just spend my days in front of my laptop or phone either watching youtube videos listening to music
playing video games or doing general technology related tasks and not only that but for a very long time since I was a young child I have always had issues regarding my sleep routine and this only got worse because during my early teenage years onwards to now I developed an extremely unhealthy addiction to watching pornography usually late at night and if I am not doing that I just watch youtube videos or just browse the internet generally often times to late at night or early in the morning
and this habit of staying up all night with technology also goes back to my childhood pre teen years even where I would stay up all night playing on my Nintendo dsi or my Nintendo 3ds just playing games like New super mario bros or the gen 5 pokemon games.
And for years as a child I also struggled with sleeping with lights out because of an event I am still often reminded of in my head that happened when I was very young probably no older than perhaps 5 years of age and it happened 16 years ago.
In case you have never experienced it and I hope you don't what I most likely experienced was a case of sleep paralysis and what happened was that I was having a dream of being at a preschool I was at during that age and I heard a horrible female/banshee sounding scream almost like somebody was being tortured that came seemingly out of nowhere and after waking up the bedroom was dark in the middle of the night and I heard this same scream again but what is terrifying was that I could very clearly see the outlines of a shadowy human like figure running inside my bedroom but I could not make out what it was and I suddenly I felt something grab one of my legs to pull me out of my bed and I resisted and eventually it stopped and I was so absolutely mortified I just hid under my covers and started crying for my mommy to go lay with me for what felt for literal hours if not years until she heard me and comforted me in the middle of the night and slept beside me.
Several other nights if I would wake up with my lights out I would again start calling for my mom because of the negative association of that single event and she would do the same thing she did the first time was sleep next to me but what I also do remember is that one night while she was sleeping next to me I could hear outside the bedroom this very same terrifying scream but luckily this time it was only the sound itself and nothing else happened so I must have been hallucinating and I went back to sleep thinking nothing of it.
And even now 16 years later I can still hear myself at that age doing exactly that and it's absolutely gutwrenching to listen to and I could only describe it as the sound of a child in emotional agony and distress unlike anything I have heard before or since.
Now as for what I think is the biggest reason as to why I am having issues controlling my weight is that I am in need of planning and routines regarding what to eat and when to eat because I have for example a tendency to eat dinner too late and when I do I might eat really unhealthy and too much of it which again also affects my sleeping routines and as I am writing this the clock is almost 2 at night and I should really be asleep but I could not care less because I have felt for some time now I need to write down my thoughts regarding these issues because it's easier to do it in written form than talking about it because I sometimes forget to talk about certain important details or events.
I did try once though to implement a japanese food only diet and I now have most of the common and easy to find basic ingredients needed to make it happen in my pantry but unfortunately what is kind of a huge pain in the neck is when I want to make popular recipes such as miso ramen soup link to recipe because often certain ingredients are simply impossible to find in a physical store even in asian specialty stores such as the commonly used fishcakes in ramen noodle soups or even something as basic as tuffed tofu and the other annoying part is when the recipe requires tools that I don't have and I am forced to buy it through some online store when I just want to buy them physically and not have to wait for what ever I need to arrive and it can get expensive as well too which only makes it more annoying because I just want to eat healthier but unfortunately I just can't even if I wanted to and it's the only diet I found that actually contains food that I could actually see myself eating and I have tried Sushi which I absolutely love eating when I get the chance but Sushi is expensive and I want to eat more than just that alone.
There is probably more I could add to this post in terms of details but as for now this is what I can add for now at least.
