A Successful Life

[Beguiling Orbit]

Imagine yourself living a successful life.

1. What does that look like?
2. How far along are you toward attaining that goal?
3. What obstacles are preventing you from getting there?

Be as specific as possible in your replies.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Okay, I'll go first:

1. First, a successful life doesn't mean a "perfect" life. There's no such thing. Success in life means a constant striving for improvement by trying to learn daily lessons in each of the four dimensions: physical, mental, emotional/social and spiritual.

2. On a scale of 1 to 5, with one being the lowest and 5 being the highest, I would say I'm this far along, which is why I voted for "I'm well on my way to living a successful life":

Physical: 3
Mental: 4
Emotional/Social: 3
Spiritual: 3

3. Obstacles:

Physical: A chronic illness causes me joint pain, thus preventing me from being able to exercise as much as I should. But I am focused on managing that illness with the help of medical professionals. A healthy diet is not as much of a priority for me as it should be. I should consume less sugar and more dark green leafy vegetables. Hey, I did quit smoking.
Mental: I'll admit that lately I haven't been reading as many books as I should.
Emotional/Social: Well, there is that Asperger's thing. Even so, I've committed many of the social rules to memory even if I've never been able to intuitively grasp them. Also, Aspies (myself included) tend to dwell on the negative and not focus enough on the positives. That's not easy to do, but I want to be more successful at cultivating a positive outlook. I strive to do so on a daily basis.
Spiritual: A daily struggle to be humble and think of others as better than myself. When I can keep that idea at the forefront of my mind (usually by reading the bible daily), I'm better able to accomplish this goal.

 

[FreeDiver]

As an Aspie. This is what I would define as a successful life. Having my obsessive interest(s) becoming a way of life and knowing that it is benefiting others as a part of society. Plus, having all my needs met without having to worry.

 

[Sabrina]

I also tend to review all aspects of my life and pay attention and effort to the areas that need developing.

For me, being succesful has two meanings: one, being happy, and two, being alive.

I feel succesful right now, happy and content. I know that this feeling won’t be forever because life is a roller coaster: one moment I feel awesome, succesful, on top of the hill, and suddenly I go down again; and then up, and so on.

Success is also a word that is similar to winning. For me, life is a game. If I am alive, I’m winning. Hence, if I am still alive, it means I am succeeding.

We are born with a set of traits that are aleatory, physically, psychologically, socially and economically. It’s enough to see someone that has fewer, or more, advantages than me, to realize that my meaning of success is different from everybody else’s.

When my daughter finds a new friend I feel succesful. When my son eats enough protein I feel succesful. When I was brave enough to stand up for myself and ask my husband for a separaration, I felt succesful. When I lost all the pounds from my pregnancy after a year of physical effort, I felt succesful.

Success is something different for each person, but there’s always a feeling of accomplishment. When I say that happiness is success, it’s because being happy is not easy for me. If I feel happy right now it's because I’ve put a lot of effort on it, and that makes me feel succesful.

 

[Kwickyfeet Icypaws]

To me, a successful life would be an ongoing state of overcoming limitations to best play the cards you've been dealt, and evolving to a reasonable degree into the best you can make of yourself. This includes honing the skill of being able to have fun in a variety of situations.

I would say I'm 3 out of 5.

What stops me is self-doubt, anxiety, old bad habits, sketchy focus, consequences from previous poor choices that must be worked thru, and an incomplete social skill set.

And this sore back isn't helping.

Edit: and a little bit of procrastination. Should've put that in earlier, rly.

 

[Gracey]

I've willingly given almost thirty years to the care and well being of others. (Husband and children) in that respect yes I have been successful.

Me personally?
Not so much.

Although the next chapter of my life is now

Ask me again in 10years (if I'm still around) I could tell you more about 'my' life

 

[wight]

I guess I have pretty basic expectations for success:
1) Alive: breathing, fed, warm, dry, safe
2) Active: engaged in life (e.g. have a job, mow the lawn, do laundry, etc.)
3) Growing: learning and changing as a person (intellectual, emotional, spiritual)

I got #1 nailed down pretty good. #2 is mostly good. #3 is fits and starts. Still I would consider myself "successful"... though sometimes I have to remind myself of the fact.

 

[WereBear]

On the one hand I'm employed, happily married, and have friends in a community I like.

On the other hand I'm in a serious health crisis from Aspie stress that I am still managing, I'm nearing retirement age without anything to supplement my US Social Security, I don't own a home or have much in the way of assets, and the society I am in does not regard me as valuable.

On the third hand (I can do that, I'm a mutant) I have been developing untapped talents lately, which I hope will make up for those deficiencies.

It ain't over 'till it's over.

 

[Jimbo]

I would consider myself successful. I run a very busy carpet and upholstery cleaning business that provides well for my family. I have tons of customers who are happy. I also have overcome my fear of public speaking and preach in churches in my area for pastors who need someone to fill in. While I'm not able to memorize sermons I have gotten good at reading my sermon notes and not making it sound like I am reading.

I also have managed to stay married to the same person for 28 years and adopted a daughter from China.

There have been struggles and I am not all that wealthy as far as money goes, but I'm doing OK.

 

[Judge]

From my own cosmic perspective, I'm here to learn- and to experience things for better or worse. Not necessarily to "succeed" at any of them. But then I'm apt to think that failure is in fact part of the "lesson".

I suppose when one can look back on their life and consider all their accrued experiences, perhaps that indeed constitutes some form of "success". Though I can only wonder about such things.

For me, life doesn't require a "scorecard".

 

[WereBear]

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” in Psychological Review. Maslow subsequently extended the idea to include his observations of humans' innate curiosity.
from Wikipedia

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

I suppose when one can look back on their life and consider all their accrued experiences, perhaps that indeed constitutes some form of "success". Though I can only wonder about such things.

For me, life doesn't require a "scorecard".

I know what you mean. But the purpose of my "scorecard" analysis is not to gauge my entire life and judge it in whole as a success or failure. That would be depressing. Besides, at various points in my life, I have scored a 1 in every dimension, a 5 in every dimension and everything in between, so scoring my life as a whole would not be very useful to me.

I thought of this scoring system while writing the post so that I could have a reference point for this particular moment in time and compare it to where I want to be and what I need to work on. Looking at it that way helps me with goal setting which to me is very useful.

 

[DuckRabbit]

Based on all the news reports and crime programmes, it seems that just *avoiding suicide and avoiding murder* are no small achievements in this life.

Sometimes when I see the people involved in murders, I can't help wondering if there's an above-chance prevalence of extreme NTs being involved - those on the more narcissistic end of the NT spectrum, with brilliant social skills and charisma. Often they are good-looking, have no trouble getting married, high-powered jobs, high-flying lifestyles and having affairs. If true, all these seem to be risk factors for murder - as if these people are so confident in life and people's responses towards them, so secure in themselves and their powers, that their minds turn to murder when they have some problem to solve (getting out of a marriage, securing or enhancing their financial position, punishing a partner etc). Whereas more 'normal' people, who are more susceptible to life's knocks and less confident in themselves, would resort to more normal (legal) methods of problem-solving - even living on the streets rather than killing someone or killing themselves.

All this suggests that the aim of life, and therefore a successful life, is managing the fated complexes in our psyches so as to avoid the catastrophes of murder and suicide. Almost anything short of murder and suicide (and crime in general) could be considered functional ways of coping - even though that includes an enormous gamut of behaviours - many frowned upon by society e.g., prescription drugs, smoking drinking, over-eating, under-eating, hoarding. Although many of these can be extremely damaging, they do not have the finality of death so there's always a chance of becoming more psychologically healthy (managing our complexes better), no matter how small.

That said, I identify with Schopenhauer's sober, minimalistic conception of ‘happiness’: "Satisfaction consists in freedom from pain, which is the positive element of life."

If we look at life realistically, rather than childishly or idealistically, it is difficult to refute what he says here:
"If the immediate and direct purpose of our life is not suffering then our existence is the most ill-adapted to its purpose in the world: for it is absurd to suppose that the endless affliction of which the world is everywhere full, and which arises out of the need and distress pertaining essentially to life, should be purposeless and purely accidental. Each individual misfortune, to be sure, seems an exceptional occurrence; but misfortune in general is the rule."

 

[Nervous Rex]

From an outside perspective, I'm sure I look successful. I have been at the same job in a large company for almost 20 years. I have a good reputation there as being the guy to go to for solutions to hard problems and also one of the nicest people to work with. My salary is 3-4x the average for the area, and we live debt free. We don't have as much money set aside as I would like, but we are comfortable.

My relationship with my wife and children are good. They all say I'm a good, loving father and husband.

I help with record-keeping at our church.

Internally, though, I always feel desperately overwhelmed. I fell like anxiety and fear of consequences is the only reason I get anything done. I measure each day in terms of how much I get done and if I don't get enough done, I have a hard time going to sleep. I think the worst, dismal, and hateful thoughts when I'm tired and work so, so, so hard to keep them to myself, to keep the reputation of a good person. I feel like I'm just barely getting by and that I'm going to break at any moment. I'm trying to get help for that, though, because I have had life-saving help in the past and I know it works.

 

[Judge]

Internally, though, I always feel desperately overwhelmed. I fell like anxiety and fear of consequences is the only reason I get anything done. I measure each day in terms of how much I get done and if I don't get enough done, I have a hard time going to sleep.

Seems to me that's one of the classic traits of ASD. Making life itself arduous for many of us on a 24/7 basis. No matter what kind of tangible secure financial comfort level we may or may not have.

We worry. It's what we do.

Just another reason for me to compartmentalize my life as much as possible and live "one day at a time" rather than constantly look beyond the horizon where often I may not sense that I have any control.