Aspea
Well-Known Member
This is going to sound weird folks, so bear with me please. Its been over 6 months since I posted, so if you guys don't remember me, I'll quickly recap for context: I'm "high-functioning," not diagnosed but definitely on the spectrum.
Context
When I was in my late teens, I was in extreme emotional pain from years of social rejection and failed attempts to make friends (I was not able to succeed in making even 1 "real" friend for all of my childhood and teen years), and then one day, the need for friends and social life just suddenly ended. It was like, on a Monday I was still interested in making friends and having a social life and was in a lot of emotional pain, and then on Tuesday all that pain was gone and I was no longer interested in friends. I felt "free" to be a loner and focus all my energies on college, career goals, etc while mostly ignoring people. It was a relief.
For the next 20 years of my life, I had very little interest in other people or in making friends, and I lived the life of a loner during that time. Got married though, to a ADHD hubby. That was the extent of my social needs. Other than hubby, I grew to greatly dislike and in some cases hate and dread people. After reading a bunch of books a few years ago on autism/asperger I realized that I was definitely on the spectrum, and I understood people better, and resolved most of the traumas of social rejection including the hating of people, but still had very little interest in or need for friends.
Here's where it gets weird...
Because I also have Celiac disease, and was obsessing very intensely on Celiac-related topics such as microbiome, probiotics, intestinal permeability, etc, I decided to take probiotics and then later, kefir. And around the time that I started taking kefir, I also was seen by a doctor who put me on an antiviral medication for health problems I was experiencing (started this stuff months ago now).
And then something started happening. I don't know if it was the kefir, or the antiviral meds, or a mid-life crisis, or all or none of the above, but suddenly, that side of me that shut off 20 years ago started to wake up, and it is overwhelming me. I feel as though I am undergoing a personality change. I was previously content to be a loner, disliked most people and thought negatively about them, and had little interest anymore in making friends--but now, I have a growing want and need for social connection again. Not only that, but I am also discovering that I like people again, and I take enjoyment from being around them and talking to them. I didn't choose this; it came upon me.
This is very odd and definitely uncomfortable because my "people skills" have atrophied for 20 years and were never right to begin with, but I'm trying to roll with it, because this seems compelling and even though it is overwhelming me daily, there is a side to this that is very nice and I feel, valuable.
I am wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this before. If so, how did you handle this? Is this going to go away and I'll revert back to my old status quo? Do I have a brain tumor? I mean ha I have no idea about this. Any response I get is much appreciated.
Context
When I was in my late teens, I was in extreme emotional pain from years of social rejection and failed attempts to make friends (I was not able to succeed in making even 1 "real" friend for all of my childhood and teen years), and then one day, the need for friends and social life just suddenly ended. It was like, on a Monday I was still interested in making friends and having a social life and was in a lot of emotional pain, and then on Tuesday all that pain was gone and I was no longer interested in friends. I felt "free" to be a loner and focus all my energies on college, career goals, etc while mostly ignoring people. It was a relief.
For the next 20 years of my life, I had very little interest in other people or in making friends, and I lived the life of a loner during that time. Got married though, to a ADHD hubby. That was the extent of my social needs. Other than hubby, I grew to greatly dislike and in some cases hate and dread people. After reading a bunch of books a few years ago on autism/asperger I realized that I was definitely on the spectrum, and I understood people better, and resolved most of the traumas of social rejection including the hating of people, but still had very little interest in or need for friends.
Here's where it gets weird...
Because I also have Celiac disease, and was obsessing very intensely on Celiac-related topics such as microbiome, probiotics, intestinal permeability, etc, I decided to take probiotics and then later, kefir. And around the time that I started taking kefir, I also was seen by a doctor who put me on an antiviral medication for health problems I was experiencing (started this stuff months ago now).
And then something started happening. I don't know if it was the kefir, or the antiviral meds, or a mid-life crisis, or all or none of the above, but suddenly, that side of me that shut off 20 years ago started to wake up, and it is overwhelming me. I feel as though I am undergoing a personality change. I was previously content to be a loner, disliked most people and thought negatively about them, and had little interest anymore in making friends--but now, I have a growing want and need for social connection again. Not only that, but I am also discovering that I like people again, and I take enjoyment from being around them and talking to them. I didn't choose this; it came upon me.
This is very odd and definitely uncomfortable because my "people skills" have atrophied for 20 years and were never right to begin with, but I'm trying to roll with it, because this seems compelling and even though it is overwhelming me daily, there is a side to this that is very nice and I feel, valuable.
I am wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this before. If so, how did you handle this? Is this going to go away and I'll revert back to my old status quo? Do I have a brain tumor? I mean ha I have no idea about this. Any response I get is much appreciated.
