Breanna_lee
Active Member
Growing up for me was sort of a blur. For years I never knew what was wrong with me, but I knew I was 'different.' And of course being different wasn't really a good thing when it came to school. I didn't really figure out why I was soo different, and the way I acted really didn't make any sense. I was misdiagnosed with adhd whenever I was in about the second grade. But my symtoms just didn't match up. I didn't connect socially with other kids through out school so it sort of made me a social 'outcast.' I never had very many friends growing up. I wanted friends I just didn't know how to make them. Due to my inability to socialize with other kids I was bullied throughout elementary school. I had friends until I moved to a whole different school. Then the social awkwardness came into play when I was no longer going to school with the kids I grew up with. I switched schools due to moving in about the second grade. When I started at a new school my social anxiety was bad. Which of course made the other kids just think I was weird or something. Most of the kids were really mean to me. I guess how shy I was made me an easy target to bully, plus I had to much heart to be mean back. I guess its just never really been in my nature to be anything but nice to people. It seemed like kids found every little reason to pick on me. I remember being picked on for the way I ate, and even the way I talked. I just wanted to be accepted but it seemed like the more I tried the more I failed. I never really understood what I was doing wrong. I know I dreaded going to school. Even at lunch the other kids were rude to me. They used to make fun of me supposedly because I had a staring problem probably because I was just wishing I could be like them. I wanted to be normal. At lunch they would look at me with real big eyes and I don't know why but it hurt my feelings real bad I wanted to disappear. No matter how much I tried I just wasn't able to socially connect with the other kids. At recess I played alone, well I kinda just sat there because the other kids didn't wanna play with me. About the summer of my fourth grade year I began pulling out my hair. I'm not sure why but it felt good to me. By my fifth grade year I had almost pulled out all my hair. So I was bullied for that but my middle school years got worse. I barely had friends so I turned to self harm, drugs, and alcohol. I gained weight in about the 8th grade and these girls spread rumors that I was pregnant. So I started starving myself and using drugs even heavier. I starved myself, and anything I did eat I would make myself vomit back up. My freshman year I got down to 85 pounds, considering I'm 5'8 I was pretty much dying. I finally collapsed because my body was so unourished in gym class. I was hospitalized and fed through a tube. I was raped by two different people at the age of 5 and then it happened again at 13. I used to hate my life. I was so shy in school that this kid asked my brother if I was mentally retarded. I could go on and on but its getting kinda personal. The point is no one should ever have to feel the way I did, alone. I was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome and social phobia at the age of 14. I'm Breanna Lee striker and this is my story, and my disorder makes me even more beautiful. <3
