A good friend is now dead.

[SusanLR]

Maybe this can help at least a little bit.

Simply put, and very to the point.
Number 3 has been the hardest for me.

You've had a lot going on in your life and this sure isn't going to help.
Get back to sobriety at least.

I don't condemn people for the decision to get out when it becomes too much.
That is an individual decision. So remember it was HIS choice.
Perhaps he has found peace. Best that you can hope for.
Now take it easy on yourself knowing it isn't your fault.

 

[Shamar]

I am now drinking water and another friend is coming over soon to take the rest of the beer away from me. What was I thinking?

You have made amazing progress. You have gotten much stronger. I remember there were several times you were ready to take your own life. Now you know how we would have felt. You used to be an out of control alcoholic. Now you recognize it doesn't solve problems, and not only when to to stop drinking, but you have the strength to do so. YOU DID NOT LET YOUR FRIEND DOWN. He let himself down. you have proven you are stronger than that. Congratulations!!

 

[Sunny1]

Maybe this can help at least a little bit.

Great aid, Fino! We should all download this.

Sorry for your loss, Metalhead. It is always a shock. Take care and breathe slowly and deeply. Praying for you. You are really going through a rough time. Keep moving on toward your goals.

 

[Metalhead]

Ok, now I am sober and I am thinking this friend is not a great person. He should have reached out to me a couple of nights ago instead of retreating the way he did. I even offered my hand to help him up, and he turned it down.

 

[Thinx]

Suicidal people are almost by definition not going to be thinking about the needs or wishes of others at such a time. If he could have, he may have been able to avoid dying. But seems he couldn't, despite your offer of help. Understandably you are angry with him, you could see his worth and wanted him to persevere with life. I am sorry he wasn't able to do that. Its tough for his friends.

 

[Slim Jim]

Rationalization. Anger. Anger is from perceived sense of loss. You are trying to minimizing the loss. Frustration. "I tried to Help him." Powerlessness. Anger. "

My Interpretation. This is just the grieving process, I guess. Only I never had to deal with a suicide. But I have experienced Bereavement. Anger is a component, a facet of it. With my case, It was anger at the world. Abstract Anger. Existential Anger. As I couldn't be Angry at the deceased. Since they were not at fault. Not responsible.

I'm getting analytical. Impersonal. Don't mind me. Maybe it is of some help, to hear another voice, another opinion, maybe not.

 

[Callistemon]

I really don't know what to say that other people haven't already said. I lost a friend to suicide in my early 30s - very much loved person in her mid-30s who was a community musician and music teacher. She held a weekly get-together at her house teaching anyone who was interested about American Indigenous musical instruments like rain sticks etc, and busked at the local markets with her acoustic guitar. Always happy songs, and that confused me a bit because I like music to acknowledge the dark side as well, and I thought, does she not see it?

So I was totally blindsided by her suicide - and so was everyone I talked to from the community who turned up at her memorial. It was her brother who told me when I knocked on her door one day as usual - and explained what none of us had known - that she was bipolar and only came out when she was happy, and that when the darkness engulfed her she stayed in her house and hid because she wanted nobody to see that, and that she had now taken her own life.

There were over a hundred people at her memorial. We were so distraught because we had never had a clue this was on the cards. We loved her and would have wanted to be there for her in the bad times as well as the good. The stigma and shame around mental health issues are so terribly unhelpful. This is nearly 20 years ago now and in Australia at least, we talk about it more, and her death is one reason I decided to be totally open about complex PTSD and growing up with domestic violence. Because we can't be party to hiding these things and pretending they only happen to "other people" or allegedly "weak people" - all of that is such BS and needs an humongous reality check and constant challenging to kill off that ridiculous stigma and shame.

One thing I learnt from my friend's death is to never make the mistake again to think someone is necessarily happy because they look it.

I process lots of things through music. Here's two songs that come to mind with this kind of situation. The first is about all sorts of stuff, including pain and addiction.

The second is specifically about losing a friend.

Life can be very sad, but also beautiful.