Another possibly sleepless night as my mind wanders. Hopefully searching the recesses of my mind for sleep. Most likely finding the next "thing" it can fixate on.
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EMDR and a brain injury has made me paranoid and not myself... and I am just now coming into clarity... I cant believe I wasnt me for so long.
Well something didnt go as planned and I went to my calm place and didnt react. The next time (yesterday) something didnt go as planned I had a mental break down and freaked out and lost it.. yeah so umm not really a win
So happy my husband is having a week off on vacation so he doesnt get caregiver burnout. But Indont know how I am going to survive the week. Day one and I feel like I need to go to the hospital almost I am so unwell from.doing more myself.. God I miss him, love him appreciate him
Why is folding laundry so utterly painful I have my big head phones on and I got one pair of socks done. Is that enough? It just hurts soo much I want to curl up and cry and I dont cry.. I dont get it..
FINALLY had a good neurologist. Scheduled for a lumbar punture, and upped cranial pressure reducing medication. A lawsuit towards the doctor I complained to the board about and his colleague is in order... finally hopefully moving forward to healin.
Waiting patiently for my neurologist appointment Monday. Hopefully get some brain answers. Till then I will twiddle my thumbs. Almost a year of waiting..So excited
Being autistic IS hard. Been diagnosed just over a year. I am just feeling for the first time. Most the time I dont understand them. I just cant communicate what I feel. I constantly am making my partner angry, just trying to express a feeling... I dont understand how to communicate with normies. I feel like an alien living on this planet.
I dont fit.
Do you ever just have a few really good days and someone stops on them? Have someone who trys to take things from you? It feels like do I get upset and fight for things or do I just let what happens happens and let the chips fall where they may because I am worth more than this?
Trying to stay on the positive mental train. Every Fibre of myself wants to move, create, think, expand. So I am finding my ways.If anyone wants to constructively critisize please do
The Awkward Elephant Craft Studio
Been bisy a bee working on my Etsy page The Awkward Elephant Craft Studio. Looking for some insight and constructive feedback so if you're bored, maybe have a shop of your own and want to check it out https://theawkwardelephant.etsy.com Been trying to busy my brain away from the pain from my TBI and keep the focus on positive things like sewingAttachments
It is hard to hear the words "I dont have much left to give", when I am completely helpless, are not being given much already and need support. All I do is give on a daily basis, when I have nothing to give. This is so confusing to me, it is a choice neurodivergents make everyday.
After days of unawaken sleep. Spending some time out on my back deck with my puppers, it is the little things
I've lost my filter. Generally, I filter my words into a neurotypical form. But I dont have the energy to right now. I am as blunt as can be, saying exactly what I think and feel. For once in my life I am being selfish. I have never been selfish. No filter and selfish because I dont have the strength or energy with everything going on, is this so wrong?
Been censoring myself. I don't have anyone true to turn to in my physical reality. When I turn to people I censor myself, make others look better, don't want to cause waves, make people be judged or look bad or it to turn into something more than it is. Honestly when you have been treated a certain way for most of your life your brain just automatically falls in line. Just the same as before.
Had my first social outing last night in 4 months or so. Felt so nice to be out for a little bit. Extremely overwhelming. Really hard to function by the end of it and could barely walk. Spent the whole night up sick unable to sleep. But it was totally worth it to seea couple friendly faces
Not sure how to feel today. Making friends is hard, true friends. I am very unwell have a major brain injury and I am feeling very isolated.
Funny thing, actually got into college. Thought I would have to upgrade all my courses. I do not. Really wished I would have finished my last week of chem 30 in highschool. But quitting drugs after 10 years was more important and a hard thing to overcome and stay focused.
Chem will be an easy course to take.
Kinda weird... thought it would be harder to get it than it was. Im very excited to brighten my future.
Took the horrendous past 6ish (or more ) months, well really since my birthday and have turned every dead end into a new beginning. I've learned so much. Applied to college, finally. It has been over due. Working on finishing my book and starting a new. Enjoying my family with the time off I have, even if it is because of a dislocated jaw. Very thankful for my health. also thankful that I love mushy smoothies -
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