Allergy season for me is now. It is particularly awful this year. Too much scotch broom growing near my office. I want to burn it all, but I don’t want to get arrested for arson.
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I wish there was a shaved ice vendor nearby this time of the week. With the hot weather outside, I kinda am craving something like that.
I wish I could sleep until after the 4th of July. Alas, I have a job that would not approve of that.
I was lazy. I bought a rotisserie chicken from Fred Meyer for my next couple of meals.
Great, all it takes is one minor comment from my boss telling me that I interrupted a meeting, and I suddenly feel like bothering people is what I do best all over again.
This is the time of year where neighbors shoot off fireworks when I am trying to sleep because I have to work in the morning.
Sorry for the flood of processing. I am making an effort to forgive and let go. Holding on to pure rage has done me no favors. Pure rage makes me want to drown in a sea of bourbon.
I suppose I could have some empathy for my mother - her mother was just as horrible to her as she is to me. Not saying what she does is ever OK, but I have an opportunity to break the family trauma for myself.
Seriously, I need a vacation. One month and several days away, my vacation begins. Away from family drama and family psychosis. Good times with great friends. Good food, good hiking, good chill downtime, zero damn stress for two whole weeks.
Today, at work, I helped a crying parent get hooked up with services for her young child. Holy (expletive). This comes with the territory in my job, but it is gratifying when things like this come together right.
I think I am going to go on a nice long walk before I get home from work today. Buy a couple of things from a grocery store. Make virgin margaritas and beef enchiladas when for dinner.
So, instead of hitting the snooze button until it is about ten minutes before I have to leave, I forced myself to get out of bed when my alarm went off. And I am taking my time, made a healthy breakfast, took a shower, stretched, made my bed. Great feeling.
I am now ready to take on the role of the captain of my own ship.
I need to spend more time with my hobbies, and I need to take on a volunteer shift somewhere. Too much idle time with my headspace is very bad for me.
Life passes me by while I am hyperfocused on the irrelevant. Only I can change that.
I am tired of being the family black sheep, the one who people always say, “You know how crazy you get sometimes,” when I try to affirm my boundaries. I think I will plan a relocation very far away from here. I think it is time for such an action.
So, today my mother flat out told me that none of my friends cared about me like she cares about me. I am going to plan to move very far away.
some metal heads for you to show you that you are loved <3
Another night of pure insomnia. -
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