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Irakus34

Irakus34

Just someone else in this world. 25
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  • Irakus34
    Am I the only one who prefers a shutdown before a meltdown? Less people notice I'm going under it and I don't suffer that much.
    View previous comments…
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    Why do you think anyone prefers a meltdown over a shutdown?
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Gerontius yes, for me it's kinda "healthier" because I don't go under the pressure of bursting and manage all the anxiety and situations I vreate in the meantime.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Stuttermabolur I don't think so, I wanted to ask and see if someone else in here relates to this way of thinking. I like to hear different opinions and experiences.
    Irakus34
    I have one exposition and a 2hr activity tomorrow. Good luck to me and my masking.
    View previous comments…
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    The expo was quick, just 10 minutes talking thanksfully. But the activity became 1 hr and 40 minutes constantly talking and interacting with everyone, smiling, clapping. I had to control my desire to cover my ears so many times lol However, I'm proud with the result o/
    Hazel_1914
    Hazel_1914
    I'm happy for you & I am proud of you too.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    Is or isn't it allowed to create a blog for posting poems I write and add my ko-fi to save enough money to pay for my psychiatrist?
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    I've read the whole FAQ, rules and guidelines, but I haven't found anything related to adding a ko-fi or alike. Before doing something wrong, I rather ask first.
    Irakus34
    My teacher hugged me right after meeting this morning and I swear it was the first time I didn't feel the guilt inside.
    Irakus34
    I want to disappear. I hate myself.
    View previous comments…
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    I just read that, and it seemed like a really stressful and uncomfortable situation! No wonder you feel upset. You probably know this already, but none of the stuff that happened was really your fault. You didn't know what was going to happen and got overwhelmed.
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    In the future, I think it might be a good idea to speak with your instructor about any activities beforehand so there won't be many surprises for you and maybe you can be accommodated. I definitely understand feeling humiliated by how your classmates reacted. That one guy sounds really immature. I hope your studies go better for you and that you will manage to calm down after that upsetting situation.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Stuttermabolur actually I think everything is my fault. I usually think so then in this situations, my feeling is horrible.
    My teacher knows I'm mentally unstable, especially with loud noises and tries to help me as much as she can. She'll talk to me and I'm afraid of what may happen tomorrow. I have to fight myself till then... Thanks for your comment <3
    Irakus34
    Today, classmates were singing and dancing and, as they tried to force me to do so, I ended up hiding under a table. Nice, I guess.
    Irakus34
    It's absolutely tiring to explain my ideas to NT humans. Good luck for the next 2 weeks with final projects.
    Irakus34
    NT people blaming me as a joke about something, but I'm unable to understand how that can be funny.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    Insecure people project outwards. It tends to be how bullies operate. An inner sadness, that ends up being other people's burden.
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