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UberScout

UberScout

V.I.P Member
Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996 29
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  • UberScout
    Stick has returned once again from the land down under, and he came bearing the gift of premium weed! Maddog and I also had a very serious but wholesome father/son talk about how to straighten up and we settled our previous differences, and I must have passed one of his tests because he gave me some of it to have for myself! It's so strong it's reaching my third eye!!! I just had a vision...
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Look, it just works, okay?! Pills aren't doing anything for me anymore, they haven't for a long time! If anything they slow me down! If I have to get high to stop myself from jumping off a bridge then maybe that's the missing piece.
    tree
    tree
    It's not the weed use I was talking about.
    It's the repeated turmoil.
    Seems like nothing really changes, except in the most temporary way.
    Then the situation reverts.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    ...Oh. whoops. Yeah. Their relationship hardly counts as that; it's more like just a chemical reaction that just causes explosions. They never take the time to talk things out, even my sister said so.
    UberScout
    My meltdowns are peaking, and I now risk having police called on me to send me to a "scared straight" program if I do not straighten up, instead of the hospital (loopoong story, you'd have to talk to my parents) The good news is, after deep meditation last night I think I am starting to understand my rage problem more, and I might have an idea how to tame it somewhat. First and foremost is, I haven't healed fully.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Second, I'm beginning to realize there appears to be a scale with my hypersensitivity, which I THINK is what could be linking somehow to the rage, or at least colliding with it, so to speak. All I need to do is find the in-between of that scale and tease it out somehow.
    UberScout
    I was laying there last night, about to do it, and then for some reason instead I found myself asking God to show me proof that he is real and cares about autistic people. I looked out my window and I saw a cloud shaped like a flying dove. I can finally be happy again.
    MildredHubble
    MildredHubble
    I'm very glad that you didn't go through with anything that might have been harmful. It's good that you saw something that made you feel more positive again. Remember we are all here to talk so never be afraid to reach out! :-)
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I feel like I got golden wings, bruh!!
    MildredHubble
    MildredHubble
    That's great news :-) Take care of yourself and I hope those golden wings will keep you safe and flying high for a good long time!
    UberScout
    I'm going to look for a way to get off this planet. I won't ever forget what this forum has done for me. If only I could have met you guys in person...
    MildredHubble
    MildredHubble
    Are you ok? I'm sorry if I've misinterpreted your post but I am concerned.
    UberScout
    Being born was the absolute worst thing that I could ever be stuck with.
    All-Rounder
    All-Rounder
    We didn't ask to be born. The morality of birth in the sense of consent of an individual is never taken into account. That is partly why I'm an anti-natalist.
    UberScout
    I am very, very swiftly losing...no, shedding my ability to feel emotions, and losing the will to speak freely... if my family does not care how I'm doing mentally, then I will not care to treat my mental health. It becomes pointless when nobody acknowledges or appreciates any effort you put into it.
    View previous comments…
    All-Rounder
    All-Rounder
    Interesting, I too find myself worried about my mother's death at times, because I only had dad die, but also because I think life can be in ways easier if somebody's there, shared house responsibilities. But my approach towards her other times is typically wanting nothing to do with her because she's so toxic. I could get over her hoarding or slob ways, but not her attitude.
    All-Rounder
    All-Rounder
    Her bp was apparently high, but maybe she was panicking more so, because the staff on call was saying its not high enough to worry, she was shaking in bed. I still don;t know what happened there but I was unfortunately there to help her out and call the services, lol.

    It had always fascinated me how good I can be to the people who don't give a **** about me.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Yikes, scary. Like I said we didn't even know anything was wrong with my mother until she was bleeding from the mouth & barely breathing. Her blood pressure still gets to heart attack level sometimes and even that hasn't gotten her, thank god.
    UberScout
    I now understand why some of media's most loved/hated villains become evil. The most prominent example is probably Joker.
    UberScout
    So maddog told Me to get out of the kitchen, despite the fact I was putting g away a gallon of milk and another gallon of tea that my mother had brought home from the store. He did not care. Milk/tea has to be stored cold or else it will go bad. I did not want this to happen. He did 't care. I got my stuff and left... and then my sciatica kept acting up, making me realize how hard that was going to be.
    tree
    tree
    Were you able to finish putting the milk and tea in the refrigerator?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Yeah. Not before I schlepped my backpack over my shoulder and a skateboard so I wouldn't have to walk. Unfortunately I could only get so far before sciatica started happening.
    UberScout
    Well, I just woke up and got a shower. Feeling better. I think I was just frustrated last night...
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Understandable. Emotions are like weather, always changing, and serve different purposes. Sometimes you get a good forecast and can expect what your emotions will be, and other times they are a bit of a surprise. Glad to hear you are feeling better.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    GNGHK MY NOSE FEELS LIKE A PIECE OF PLYWOOD
    UberScout
    I might.... I might just pack my stuff tomorrow and leave without saying a word to anybody.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Maybe not, because I got my phone back. But considering tomorrow's Tuesday I still just might leave anyway because I cannot cope with the perpetual boredom having to give Maddog my phone. If I do leave, I'm taking it with me.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Where would you go?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I don't even know. Probably this lake near where I live, Greenfield Lake. Homeless people are always camping out there, I never see them get in much trouble except for probably forgetting their trash.
    UberScout
    Maddog has ruined yet another Mother's Day.

    I will not allow him to ever forget this.

    Just as he did to me for all his petty reasons...

    I will turn the same rusty dagger he planted in my chest, on HIM.

    I must retire to my war council. I have an appointment with Oda Nobunaga...
    UberScout
    Starting my own shop on Etsy!! With the help of my mother and our friend Jennifer who will hopefully supply me with some arts and crafts materials, I'm going to start making and selling crafts, drawings, and paintings made by me! Eventually leatherworking will be in the mix as well! Stay tuned!
    UberScout
    Woo-hoo, woke back up after recovering from morning stuffiness, AND I had a wake n bake ready!
    UberScout
    God put Comet bleach on this Earth to save toilets from exploding.
    tree
    tree
    You keep mentioning toilets.
    M
    Mr. Stevens
    You should put on that Earthworm Jim song while using the toilet. It would make it sound like you're breaking into Fort Knox or something. Whatever you're doing becomes more important with that music.
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