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Recent content by Ban

  1. Ban

    Telling My Friend My Pronouns

    For the confusion about using "they" as a pronoun I notice it being said that "they" usually refers to multiple people and would therefore cause confusion when talking about an individual. I don't know if this would help but the way I think about it is as if I was talking about someone with an...
  2. Ban

    Telling My Friend My Pronouns

    It's certainly possible that someone could say that but I wouldn't let that stop you telling your friend how you want to be referred to. If your friend doesn't want to then you can't make them but at that point its on them. I would do yourself the service of letting it be known how you want to...
  3. Ban

    Being repressed

    Yeah I think finding people you feel comfortable with is definitely the best way round the problem. Interesting you said about alcohol and anxiety medication because I generally stay away form alcohol because I usually end up too loose and acting too wild even for the situation, even with other...
  4. Ban

    Being repressed

    I can often come across as boring and repressed. I think this is because in my masking I am often dampening down alot of my personality but I am not replacing it with anything else so its just coming across as like I have no personality. For example I find situations where people are having fun...
  5. Ban

    Social acceptance

    I've found social acceptance through masking to be pretty hollow and completely devoid of any meaning such as you described in terms of happiness/satisfaction/completeness. I have found times when I felt actual deep personal acceptance of me with someone who knows me well without me masking to...
  6. Ban

    Do I have to fake I like humans in order to cooperate with them?

    This is what I was trying to get at in my manners/politeness thread but you have put it much more succinctly. People talk about politeness as though it means niceness but it is only necessary when true niceness isn't there and you are trying to avoid dealing with that reality. If everyone...
  7. Ban

    Do I have to fake I like humans in order to cooperate with them?

    I think for the most part you do have to mask to cooperate well with others I've always noticed a pretty linear correlation between how fake I'm being and how well people receive me and therefore cooperate with me. I think the issue is kind of that other people's set point is to automatically...
  8. Ban

    Manners/being polite

    You certainly seem to have understood the exact angle I am coming at this from. I think definitely as you say it is about why your doing it. My issue is that there are times when I am definitely just doing it because its going to create a better outcome for me and there are times when I just...
  9. Ban

    Manners/being polite

    I like the Irish way that you described because it is actually communicating something. I think as you said it's the saying things without meaning them. So if someone actually wants to know how I am then asking "how are you?" is perfectly reasonable. I think I feel like if I actually think...
  10. Ban

    Manners/being polite

    With please and thankyou I do say them but I feel they mean nothing because I have to say them. If I actually want someone to know I am grateful I will say something I like "I appreciate you doing that for me". I think the fact you have to say please and thankyou makes them completely...
  11. Ban

    Manners/being polite

    I think as @Raggamuffin said its maybe intent behind it should be important. I think what makes me feel guilty is when I see how much differently people respond to me when I add in poltiness and I wonder if I just engineered that situation. To give an example that I feel is moving away from just...
  12. Ban

    Manners/being polite

    I struggle to view what is normally just considered good manners as anything other than manipulative. I can say please and thankyou without this feeling but once I start faking what I'm really feeling or what my thoughts are in order to keep someone happy and make a situation go my way I feel...
  13. Ban

    Being too radical

    I think this is an interesting point, I suppose my thoughts are the sum of my own experiences and then the thinking I have done to tie them all together. Other people have had different experiences and then probably not sat about trying to connect all the dots so when I'm coming into...
  14. Ban

    How to stop masking?

    I've been wandering the same thing recently. One thing that I've noticed is that what I'm saying I want is to not mask but to get basically the same outcomes as if I was masking. I'm now wondering if that is a "have your cake and eat it" sort if expectation. So in this sense perhaps part of the...
  15. Ban

    Feeling burnout, regret, and helplessness when dealing with my studies

    I'm getting the impression that a significant source of frustration for you is having other people interfering with your decisions and then you dealing with consequences which you feel wouldn't be there if you had done things your way to begin with. You might not be able to change those specific...
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