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  • Author bard
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  • Blog entry read time 4 min read
The truth is - a man can't have hsp. Sorry, it's unacceptable.

I figure I knew I was off in some way, but whatever, right. Professionals had their opinions, but those matched up as much as two years of reading national and international news. There was just something off, and you can only get smoke blown in your face so many times till you want to smoke a pipe too(do your own research). I tried to have friends, but it was just that they weren't approved... which is hard to define, but if I get yelled at about them being not perfect and I'm the only one who ever attempts to make contact, then they fall by the wayside. I'm just not going to deal with getting verbally harassed for having friends... and who knows, maybe my picks aren't first picks. So, it's direct family, people I can chat with who will chat back on occasions like an event, or... someone impressively resilient. I have one who's impressively resilient. He's awesome. He'll never know my hsp fight. Never. Ever. Because, guys can't have HSP. It's against the rules. Crying is the built in stress relief for that personality. No. I refuse.

So... in this year plus of Bible encryption studies... I asked a lot of questions, prayed a lot, listened a lot, tried to find patterns, heed the basic principles of cryptography, and respect the text. Oh, look, Tower of Babel God created the world's languages so people would stop trying to do what they were doing. Well, the Creator of language could create language that stores information when translated to another language... a possibility... but principally speaking the pages still have to be in order for the encryption to work... and so forth. There had to be certain methods of storage, simple matching was not enough. How did it work? or rather, how was it organized?

A lot of information came up... I looked into many things... found that encryption had a lot of opinions like Revelation 20 said... and the books will be opened. Lots of details. Including personality and family history. There are things I knew, things i didn't know, and things I was curious about. It said lots of things, had names and nicknames for people said by individuals, had genealogy one level at a time, and so forth. It seemed to have an opinion on everyone in my immediate family, though I think I was respectful to the elders by not looking into them so much. It had opinions of my wife, my child, me, and well, it had a lot. I didn't mind it saying about my child... I was like that's interesting, lets try to parent as if that is true. The next year after doing that my child had 3 times as many friends. Explain the chance of that. My better half it had opinions of too, not what i expected, actually. Not really the compliment. But then, me. No, no, no. Not acceptable. Austistic, HSP. No. Eh, maybe. Let's just pretend that doesn't exist. And get this, do you know what HSPs attract? That's what personality it said about my better half. I'm glad you don't. I'm just saying... again... that's not an accident.

I mean, I tried to pay attention to what I felt like a little more. Maybe, right? Maybe it had me pegged and I was just confused as to 'unknown odd and friendless'. The problem was, the more I paid attention the more I realized those emotions were more potent than I was comfortable with. Most recently as I pondered college, I decided to try some ASD tests to see if that would identify a reading issue. I unfortunately did spectacular on those tests... solidly ASD... impressively so. Not okay. Okay, maybe ASD is okay, but definitely not HSP. No. Is there a mother I ever had I would be okay crying in front of? My better half? A friend? No on all accounts. So even if I was okay with the idea, it was simply not an idea that had any solution if it were accepted. I've run through the memories... and there's certainly validity to the crying, sensitivity, higher creativity, and so forth HSP-ish lean. I had good grades, so there was no concern of social issues. I can't think of even five friends I had when I was younger... more so the older I got, but the grades or advanced classes meant this person will be fine. By the time I was in high school, even I was aware I was friendless. The year before I had my entire year of college classes in high school, I quit. No friend was going to care anyway, mainly because I didn't have any friends.

At this point, I accept it, I just can't be that. So I write all crazy like, truths that sound pretty crazy. Yet in real life, I outwardly make no waves and have a skin rash only if someone happens to notice. They can't see any pains I get in my heart, and apparently talking about that stresses someone out. I don't implicitly trust anyone in that way, to do anything like crying, and that most definitely includes professional counselors. Heck, half of those offices have cameras, or ask if you're okay being recorded, and so forth. How could you trust that?


Anyway, it's not like the Holy Spirit is bound by personalities. "I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me." Phil 4:13 If anything, I think they are intentional, specifically given for the task that was designed for us.

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