Hiding

Have you ever been in a crowded room yet felt so alone? Always. Spent much of my life busy. In a social status yet so alone. No one has understood me. Always missunderstood. Always been like the english I was speaking was some sort of gibberish. Never understood this.

The first time I noticed I was in pre k and I decided to change the way I spoke. Little by littke I molded my outwardself. But the inward me always remained the same. It hurt a bit. Felt like a cold shard of ice pierced through my heart. But onward upward.

There must be something wrong with me. I didnt really care about anybody else. Pretended for the sake of them. Would no let anyone look inside. In pre k I only liked to play doctor because it was a real game. When children would miss diagnos or say the wrong things it would quite up set me and little by little I would surpress.

Kindergarten hit and now it was more of a house kinda phase for everyone. If things were not done comepletely accurate. Often I would be upset calling someone stupid. I mean I wasnt wrong because thwy were nit intwllegent but thatbsidnt make it right. So I surpressed again.. realizing I needed to hide. One day we had a our teacher faint in class she had a blue glossy glow to her. I remember thinking to myself she is going to die like the clas gerbal. She did. She had a heart condition. I never said this to anyone. Pretending to be upset. But life goes on.. it is just a