That time of year that is hated by most if not all burgers looms around the corner. The reasons for hating it aren't why you think. Today I went out into my local town and was reminded of why I hate this time of year. People barging around looking for deals and needing to buy things, in a frenzy. I looked at a t-shirt and was about to check for my size when someone stepped in front of me and grabbed what I was looking at. I was stopped and questioned by people who work in stores or selling things in the street. Trying to make me buy things or trying to add things on top of the purchases I could be making, not taking "no, leave me alone" as an answer.
In the space of twenty minutes I was walked into by people looking at their mobile phones while instead of where they heading. Just barging me, no apology. Push chairs running my toes over, people stopping right in front of me to have conversations. I bought a coffee, it was only two pounds. The guy asked me if I wanted any food, I said "no" he then rolled his eyes and sighed "that's two whole pounds then" in a tone that suggested I was cheap. So I didn't take the coffee I just walked out.
In my local supermarket I chose the self service machine. which I always do as I don't have to have a conversation with the person on the counter, I can wrestle a plastic bag at my own pace without being watched by the cashier and the people in the queue. The self service machine is probably the reason why I can go into a supermarket. So I put my basket down on the shelf to start serving myself and some woman with no apology or realisation that I was already using that machine barges onto it and starts scanning her own items. I tried asking her what she was doing but she just ignored me.
To most people this is annoying and it seems unlucky that all these things happened to me in the short time that I was out. Everyone else deals with this in a dismissive way "I'm having a bad day". People with AS become scared, angry and anxious after the first few incidents that I have mentioned happened to me a lot of these things started to set in. Before going out I thought "it's my day off, I will go have a mooch and see what is going on in town today" after the first incident I changed my thoughts to "I am going to get what I need, then get my ass home" I go back to wanting to be a recluse and hating NT people and their total disregard for personal space. Not to mention the noise issues, which sometimes even my head phones can't drown out. I am so glad that internet shopping exists as it releases some of the pressure that is on me when I have to go shopping.
Weirdly I work in retail, in a shop and even though I have only been there a couple of weeks I don't see an issue with the job and spending hours in a shop. Yeah, I have already come across some people that wind me up but it's easy for me to let that go. I get that sense of anxiety and anger towards people but it disappears. Like most of the late diagnosed, I have invented coping mechanisms to deal with the things that keep happening. The mechanism so I can have a job and make money, is to be someone else to take on a role. So I take on the role of "shop assistant". Also when you work in one shop you learn all it's ins and outs. There are rules, which even the customers stick to. Most of the time the whole thing works like clockwork. Someone comes into the store they are either going to just look around, or they are going to buy something. If I am going to serve them, they are going to hand me things that they want. Then they will hand me money, I will hand them the items back in a bag and their change. If I am on the shop floor they may talk to me, if they do then it will be about things in the shop. Its all very narrow and very limited. I will experience the same things over and over again through out the day. The only issue is when someone goes against these rules, then the fear and anxiety set in. Even something as simple as a customer asks me a question and another customer answers it for me.
Because there aren't any rules when it come to the outside world, there isn't a coping mechanism for me to use. I just have to run the gauntlet and hope for the best which is safe a lot of the time. However this time of year, it all goes mental people become self centred ass holes and the outside becomes less and less appealing.
In the space of twenty minutes I was walked into by people looking at their mobile phones while instead of where they heading. Just barging me, no apology. Push chairs running my toes over, people stopping right in front of me to have conversations. I bought a coffee, it was only two pounds. The guy asked me if I wanted any food, I said "no" he then rolled his eyes and sighed "that's two whole pounds then" in a tone that suggested I was cheap. So I didn't take the coffee I just walked out.
In my local supermarket I chose the self service machine. which I always do as I don't have to have a conversation with the person on the counter, I can wrestle a plastic bag at my own pace without being watched by the cashier and the people in the queue. The self service machine is probably the reason why I can go into a supermarket. So I put my basket down on the shelf to start serving myself and some woman with no apology or realisation that I was already using that machine barges onto it and starts scanning her own items. I tried asking her what she was doing but she just ignored me.
To most people this is annoying and it seems unlucky that all these things happened to me in the short time that I was out. Everyone else deals with this in a dismissive way "I'm having a bad day". People with AS become scared, angry and anxious after the first few incidents that I have mentioned happened to me a lot of these things started to set in. Before going out I thought "it's my day off, I will go have a mooch and see what is going on in town today" after the first incident I changed my thoughts to "I am going to get what I need, then get my ass home" I go back to wanting to be a recluse and hating NT people and their total disregard for personal space. Not to mention the noise issues, which sometimes even my head phones can't drown out. I am so glad that internet shopping exists as it releases some of the pressure that is on me when I have to go shopping.
Weirdly I work in retail, in a shop and even though I have only been there a couple of weeks I don't see an issue with the job and spending hours in a shop. Yeah, I have already come across some people that wind me up but it's easy for me to let that go. I get that sense of anxiety and anger towards people but it disappears. Like most of the late diagnosed, I have invented coping mechanisms to deal with the things that keep happening. The mechanism so I can have a job and make money, is to be someone else to take on a role. So I take on the role of "shop assistant". Also when you work in one shop you learn all it's ins and outs. There are rules, which even the customers stick to. Most of the time the whole thing works like clockwork. Someone comes into the store they are either going to just look around, or they are going to buy something. If I am going to serve them, they are going to hand me things that they want. Then they will hand me money, I will hand them the items back in a bag and their change. If I am on the shop floor they may talk to me, if they do then it will be about things in the shop. Its all very narrow and very limited. I will experience the same things over and over again through out the day. The only issue is when someone goes against these rules, then the fear and anxiety set in. Even something as simple as a customer asks me a question and another customer answers it for me.
Because there aren't any rules when it come to the outside world, there isn't a coping mechanism for me to use. I just have to run the gauntlet and hope for the best which is safe a lot of the time. However this time of year, it all goes mental people become self centred ass holes and the outside becomes less and less appealing.
