Wife and I got chatting about the "Hunted" programme again.
I asked her to try the "AQ" 50 question test, she scored 11! I tried it with her checking my answers my score went up to 45?
This has led to some interesting questions about my feelings, I do have them, just don't know how to put them into words. Her biggest fear is my "forgetting" people, I don't really miss those who aren't in my life everyday, that certainly doesn't mean I never miss anyone, just that my mind rarely dwells on it unless I am reminded about them somehow, even then I don't think it bothers me as much as others seem to be affected.
Would I miss her? I hope so....am I lying to myself by thinking I would miss her???, I hope I never find out.
I'm feeling a lot better, I'm not in the dark place anymore, I seem to have stumbled out of there without trying, while I am pleased not to be there I am still worried that I haven't really fixed anything, just hit the reset button and everything seems normal again...
But it's not exactly the same...I am a bit more self aware, as if I am running a debug routine on myself, as long as it keeps me out of the dark place, I didn't like it there.
My literal brain is less controlled recently than I remember it being, perhaps I used to think in autopilot, like an experienced driver who moves the car without conscious thought but now I am a more like a novice driver who glances down at the gear stick. The delay is just a fraction of a second, but it's there, meanwhile I will enjoy the double meanings
I've read that Asperger's probably explains why I was never any good at "English" in school, it wasn't a lack of vocabulary, it was that I could never understand the "hidden" meanings in poetry etc. I would read the words exactly as written not realising there were other meanings. My English teacher gave up on me saying I had a "maths brain".
I'm not sure if knowing that I was "blind" to the meanings others get more easily would have helped at the time, after all it was probably about learning to interpret the meanings not just learning the correct answers. But now I realise that not seeing the other meanings doesn't mean I can't learn them, if I need to I will learn them by rote, it may not be the correct way, but for me it might be the only way.
While my brain may not do everything as well as I thought it did, becoming aware of it's limitations in certain areas means that I can compensate for it and find other ways of getting the job done.
"There is more than one way to skin a cat"?? okay I don't know if there are different methods of skinning cats but I know the phrase means problems usually have more than one solution.
I now try to run my "funny posts" on Facebook etc., by my wife, she can work as my filter, maybe a few people will have less to laugh about but less chance of causing offence.
Will I get professional help? a diagnosis? I am still not sure of any real benefit at this stage I am functioning ok..ish...as long as I don't go too into that dark place again.
I asked her to try the "AQ" 50 question test, she scored 11! I tried it with her checking my answers my score went up to 45?
This has led to some interesting questions about my feelings, I do have them, just don't know how to put them into words. Her biggest fear is my "forgetting" people, I don't really miss those who aren't in my life everyday, that certainly doesn't mean I never miss anyone, just that my mind rarely dwells on it unless I am reminded about them somehow, even then I don't think it bothers me as much as others seem to be affected.
Would I miss her? I hope so....am I lying to myself by thinking I would miss her???, I hope I never find out.
I'm feeling a lot better, I'm not in the dark place anymore, I seem to have stumbled out of there without trying, while I am pleased not to be there I am still worried that I haven't really fixed anything, just hit the reset button and everything seems normal again...
But it's not exactly the same...I am a bit more self aware, as if I am running a debug routine on myself, as long as it keeps me out of the dark place, I didn't like it there.
My literal brain is less controlled recently than I remember it being, perhaps I used to think in autopilot, like an experienced driver who moves the car without conscious thought but now I am a more like a novice driver who glances down at the gear stick. The delay is just a fraction of a second, but it's there, meanwhile I will enjoy the double meanings
I've read that Asperger's probably explains why I was never any good at "English" in school, it wasn't a lack of vocabulary, it was that I could never understand the "hidden" meanings in poetry etc. I would read the words exactly as written not realising there were other meanings. My English teacher gave up on me saying I had a "maths brain".
I'm not sure if knowing that I was "blind" to the meanings others get more easily would have helped at the time, after all it was probably about learning to interpret the meanings not just learning the correct answers. But now I realise that not seeing the other meanings doesn't mean I can't learn them, if I need to I will learn them by rote, it may not be the correct way, but for me it might be the only way.
While my brain may not do everything as well as I thought it did, becoming aware of it's limitations in certain areas means that I can compensate for it and find other ways of getting the job done.
"There is more than one way to skin a cat"?? okay I don't know if there are different methods of skinning cats but I know the phrase means problems usually have more than one solution.
I now try to run my "funny posts" on Facebook etc., by my wife, she can work as my filter, maybe a few people will have less to laugh about but less chance of causing offence.
Will I get professional help? a diagnosis? I am still not sure of any real benefit at this stage I am functioning ok..ish...as long as I don't go too into that dark place again.
