time and yet, time again, it took ages of seasons for me to get the slightest bit of comfort in myself, and i find that this is an issue majority of us face yet disregard. this issue DOES need to be addressed, and for those who are going through it: I am here in the same boat with you, so let's be on the same team.
i've found self identity to be the biggest war in my soul and what keeps me up at night is knowing i can just barely help anyone else out there. sure, i'm only 17, aside from asperger's a pretty "normal" teen, but it's taken ages for me to fully realize that it's okay to change because it's a new season, it's a new time in your life and it's time for me, at least, to learn that i am still valid and just happen to have asperger's. genetically, (don't start a war because this could start WW3 and that's the last thing we all need), it was a medical mystery as to WHY i have asperger's even though i can still function perfectly fine. my mother nor my "father" (i despise the man ok? ok - anyways) have had a trace of asperger's though my mom's could've been very well hidden (she possesses slight autistic traits but this can be for another day) and my father...well? he's just an a**h***.
so, from the start, i was a very confused child once i got a hold of my records and wondered why mom nor "sperm doner" have no trace but i do.
i loved reading a lot when i was a baby and even a little when i was younger, and not getting into play fights with my brother nor hiding away from other new people who walk into my life.
but then...teenage life struck. i got a fresh set of hormones, new-found anxiety, puberty and totally different mindsets. life about a year ago went downhill for me once i realized that i was neither gay nor straight, but bisexual. being bisexual was 100% not my choice, as it all started when i was younger, having the same amount of guys and girls in my life and never wanting to pick one over the other but, in order to please my parents, always hung out with boys even though i liked girls just the same. and that, friends, is exactly how i knew. i adore both genders to this day, yet life hit me once again when i realized what it meant to be "demi-romantic" as well. you see, demisexuality is purely when you look at someone and you don't automatically think "date me." demisexuality is when you prefer to build bonds over the smallest thing with someone and after what felt like ages, start falling later on for that same person. friendships meant the most to me as a kid and still do now, so that romantic preference never took me by full surprise. yet, through all of the days where i've gone home and cried, the heart breaks and headaches, there was sunlights of goodness and love around me.
in conclusion, i'm a teen who possesses asperger's, bisexuality, demisexuality and an open heart that has love for all. sometimes, it's okay to not want to confront yourself with various things, but sometimes the relief is knowing you're not alone. and you never will be as long as i'm still on this site. i love you all, platonic-ally speaking.
i've found self identity to be the biggest war in my soul and what keeps me up at night is knowing i can just barely help anyone else out there. sure, i'm only 17, aside from asperger's a pretty "normal" teen, but it's taken ages for me to fully realize that it's okay to change because it's a new season, it's a new time in your life and it's time for me, at least, to learn that i am still valid and just happen to have asperger's. genetically, (don't start a war because this could start WW3 and that's the last thing we all need), it was a medical mystery as to WHY i have asperger's even though i can still function perfectly fine. my mother nor my "father" (i despise the man ok? ok - anyways) have had a trace of asperger's though my mom's could've been very well hidden (she possesses slight autistic traits but this can be for another day) and my father...well? he's just an a**h***.
so, from the start, i was a very confused child once i got a hold of my records and wondered why mom nor "sperm doner" have no trace but i do.
i loved reading a lot when i was a baby and even a little when i was younger, and not getting into play fights with my brother nor hiding away from other new people who walk into my life.
but then...teenage life struck. i got a fresh set of hormones, new-found anxiety, puberty and totally different mindsets. life about a year ago went downhill for me once i realized that i was neither gay nor straight, but bisexual. being bisexual was 100% not my choice, as it all started when i was younger, having the same amount of guys and girls in my life and never wanting to pick one over the other but, in order to please my parents, always hung out with boys even though i liked girls just the same. and that, friends, is exactly how i knew. i adore both genders to this day, yet life hit me once again when i realized what it meant to be "demi-romantic" as well. you see, demisexuality is purely when you look at someone and you don't automatically think "date me." demisexuality is when you prefer to build bonds over the smallest thing with someone and after what felt like ages, start falling later on for that same person. friendships meant the most to me as a kid and still do now, so that romantic preference never took me by full surprise. yet, through all of the days where i've gone home and cried, the heart breaks and headaches, there was sunlights of goodness and love around me.
in conclusion, i'm a teen who possesses asperger's, bisexuality, demisexuality and an open heart that has love for all. sometimes, it's okay to not want to confront yourself with various things, but sometimes the relief is knowing you're not alone. and you never will be as long as i'm still on this site. i love you all, platonic-ally speaking.