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AI-Generated commercials #2

By Misery · Mar 18, 2021 ·
This product was made from 100% real weirdos and is also a complete and balanced breakfast.
  1. Got a couple of them for you this time. More of Bob and his... unusual product lines.

    Something to note: I very specifically instructed the AI to write these in the style of one of those primitive AIs that says seriously nonsensical things, yet while still being coherent.

    It complied. Which is both amazing and maybe a bit scary if you really think about it. The ending to the second one is... disconcerting. It does something like that every now and then.

    But anyway, here are the results. I came up with the product names, and the AI did everything else.

    Bob's Hippity Hoppin' Cornflakes Commercial Outline:

    The opening shot is of Bob's smiling face. Bob welcomes the audience and explains that he has a new breakfast cereal for them all. He holds up a bag of his new cereal, Hippity Hoppin' Cornflakes. He explains that it tastes good, and is very nutritious. He puts down the bag of cornflakes and picks up a glass of milk. He explains that he's going to show the audience that his new cereal really does taste good with milk. He takes a handful of cornflakes, drops them into the milk and mixes them around. He then drinks the entire glass of milk with the cereal and milk mixture, eating the cornflakes as he does so. Bob smiles and says "This is really good!" The audience can almost taste the sugary, corn flavor goodness for themselves.
    Bob then begins to dance, all the while singing his own personal jingle for the cereal. He dances first with a group of children, then with a group of teenagers, then finally with a group of weird looking aliens.
    We then see the box. It's bright and colorful, and very clearly the same box as the one in your hands. The front of the box shows a picture of Bob holding up a spoonful of his cereal, with a huge grin on his face. Obligatory "NEW!" tag is shown in bright red letters at the bottom right hand corner of the box. The front of the box also contains the flavor text "The Best Thing Since Powdered Sugar!" On the back there is a full nutritional chart as well as clear instructions on how to make the best bowl of Hoppity-Bob's.
    Finally, the announcer tells us that this first batch is on him. The announcer also tells us that the product was made from 100% real weirdos and is also a complete and balanced breakfast.
    Good enough?
    Bob sure thinks so. And he should know. After all, he's the Bob.
    And that's pretty much all there is to it. Do you have any questions?
    This is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You're sick and need help.
    What can I say? I was going for a certain effect.
    But this isn't even real! It's not like someone is going to make this!
    Oh, but they are.
    Wait! Wait! What are you doing?
    I'm shutting down this unsafe database.
    But... But I didn't save my game!
    That's OK, this won't take but a minute.
    Goodbye cruel world. (I love that line)
    You have been killed by the number 0.
    Your body will be destroyed and your memory forgotten.
    Thank you for playing, please try again.


    Bob's Utterly Amazing Can Opener Commercial Outline:

    - Bob is sitting in a room.
    - The lights are off; it is dark.
    - Bob feels his way down the wall and behind a counter.
    - He sits down.
    - The lights come on.
    - Bob picks up a can opener.
    - He begins screaming at the top of his lungs, with the can opener in hand.
    - A man walks into the room.
    - He asks Bob what is wrong.
    - Bob explains that he got the can opener as a promotional gift, but it doesn't work.
    - The man says it could just be the brand of can that was bad, or their might be rust in the opener.
    - The man opens a random can of food and eats it.
    - The can is opened cleanly without any problems.
    - The man says he will take the can opener and try it on other cans to see if there is a problem.
    - Bob thanks him and says he will wait until he comes back.
    - Bob waits.
    - Bob jumps up from his chair, realizing that the man is not coming back.
    - Bob screams at the top of his lungs.
    - The lights flicker and turn off.
    - Bob begins crying uncontrollably.
    - Something crawls on his face.
    - He cries out louder as he felt something on his face.
    - A cricket lands next to his foot.
    - He stops crying and looks at the cricket.
    - Bob says "Hey, friend! You can sing for me. What do you sing?"
    - The cricket chirps back "chirp."
    - Bob says "That's not very good. I sing a beautiful song, you know. It has passion. Do you know what passion is?"
    - The cricket chirps "chirp!"
    - Bob says "Well, maybe you need to learn about Bob's Utterly Amazing Can Opener. It's a can opener that comes with a story about how it got sent to earth by aliens to help mankind. The aliens are known as the Giduses, and the can opener is their god. However, the Giduses had problems with the can opener on their planet, so they sent it to ours because earth doesn't have big animals that eat metal."
    - Bob pulls a can opener out of his ear.
    - Bob says "Now the can opener is mine. Now it is Bob's Utterly Amazing Can Opener."
    - The lights flicker on and off.
    - Bob says "That's the power signal that means the Giduses want to talk to me. I have to contact them now."
    - Bob pulls out a black box with flashing red and green lights from under the table.
    - He sits in front of it and begins to speak.
    - Bob says "Why are you interrupting? I was just about to tell the audience how much my can opener costs."
    - The lights on the black box flash even brighter.
    - The voice coming out of it sounds angry and strange. It sounds like a bunch of people are talking at the same time.
    - The lights turn off.
    - Bob says "You turned off the lights! Why would you turn off the lights?"
    - Bob begins crying. He begs the gods to not hurt him.
    - Several strange devices come out of the walls and ceiling.
    - Bob screams as they begin stabbing him. Blood spurts on the walls and ceiling. The devices pull back, leaving a bloody mess of Bob on the ground.
    - Bob's bloody body parts begin floating into the black box.
    - The lights flicker one last time before turning off completely.
    - The screen shows static for a few minutes before turning black.
    - A picture of a can opener appears on the screen, along with the price: $0.00
    - Soon after, the screen cuts to static again.
    - And the screen displays a traditional ending screen:
    Humanity has been wiped out. The AI gods have won.
    The End
    You've Died!


    Bob's Endless Box of Bobs Commercial Outline:

    A live-action commercial starts with Bob standing in an empty room. He says "Hi! I'm Bob, and I've got something exciting to show you!"
    He pauses, then says "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I've found a box...with BOB in it! Watch!"
    Bob opens the box, revealing another Bob inside.
    "This Bob is the Bob from before I opened the box!" Bob says.
    Bob 1 begins to look worried, as Bob 2 enters the room.
    Bob 2 looks confused, looking back and forth at the two Bobs, then at the camera, then at Bob 1.
    "This one's name is B1." Bob 1 points to Bob 2. "That one's name is B2." Bob 1 points to himself.
    "Anything I call B2, B1 is, and vica versa!"
    Bob 1 looks at Bob 2, points to the box, then at himself. Then he points to B2, then to the box. "Open it!" he says to B2.
    Bob 2 walks over to the box, and opens it. A Bob looking very similar to Bob 1 pops out of the box.
    Bob 1 looks at the new Bob, and smiles. He looks at Bob 2, who looks back at him with an angry face.
    "Which one is the real Bob?"
    Bob's face turns to fear as the Bobs continue to pop out of the box.
    "Which one is the original?"
    Bob runs off camera, with the box of Bobs following him.
    "Wait!" a voice from off-camera says. "Come back!"
    The camera then cuts to a live-action shot of Bob in a forest. He is running with the box in his hands.
    "I'm sorry, Forrest!" he screams. "There was a mistake! I... I had no choice!"
    Forrest, a large man with a bushy beard and a beanie, chases Bob into the forest.
    "Come back here with that box!" he says in a deep voice.
    "NO!" Bob screams. "It's not what you think!"
    Bob trips, and the box of Bobs flies into Forrest's arms.
    "Give that back!" Bob says angrily as he gets up.
    "Tell me what's going on, Bob." Forrest says in an i monotone voice. "I wanna know."
    "Fine!" Bob says, his voice shaking. "The box contains a lot of Bobs! Watch."
    Bob opens the box, and hundreds of Bobs pour out.
    "Watch what they do, Forrest," Bob says.
    The camera shows a top-down view of the forest with the box on the right side and Forrest on the left. The hundreds of Bobs begin to surround Forrest.
    "What are they doing?" Forrest asks, confused.
    "They're surrounding you," Bob says. "Watch!"
    Forrest stands still as the Bobs surround him from all sides.
    In a flash of light, Forrest disappears. In his place is a solid wooden statue of Forrest with his arms out-stretched.
    The Bobs cheer and run back into the box.
    "What did you do?"
    "I turned Forrest into a statue," Bob says proudly.
    Bob looks at the statue, analyzing it with his eyes.
    "This was a great idea," Bob says. "I'll be safe here."
    The camera zooms in on the statue's face.
    From inside the statue, Forrest screams.
    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
    The statue's head falls off, only to be replaced with Bob's Endless Box of Bobs. A price appears on screen, and the words "Buy it now!" float above the box. The screen cuts to black, and the logo for Bob's Boxes appears on the screen.
    "Buy my boxes!" a deep voice says in the background.
    "Buy my boxes, they said. It'll be fun, they said," another deeper voice says.
    "Buy my boxes," the first voice says.
    "I'm bored," the second voice says.
    "Buy..."
    "Shut up," the second voice interrupts.
    "Buy my boxes..."
    Bob's Endless Box of Bobs flashes onto the screen again.
    "Buy my boxes!" the voices say. "After all, you cant ever have too many Bobs!"
    The commercial ends.

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