What is this I don't even...

[LittleKill]

O-righty, I'd like to start of by saying that my preference in human relationships both in women & men was an excellent thing, yes it truly was, anyway, I told this to a good friend of mine (who's a girl) that from my own point of view seemed to show interests on getting to know me a little bit closer, like the "more than just friends kind of thing" know what am saying people, yes? *Ahem* It all turned out so well for me but, then the moment came into my mind that it was quite the most drweadful experience for some individuals around me, not to mention the subject which was prevously mentioned.

As time went by we grew up to be quite great friends although the feeling that "strange things" were happening between the two of us, almost like the decepotion started to strike so deeply on me that I went in a long journey to find my true identity, like "is this how far I'm going with life?" when I got up to think to that my preferences would allow me to live a life of leisure & "party-time-all-the-time" wasn't really the kind of thing a guy like me.

As I'm writing this I'm quite glad nobody knows who's the guy behind the screen on all this...anyway, this friend of mine has grown dissapointed that we didn't really share an extensive love-relationship out of it, almost as If the long-lasting deep stares between our eyes & the significant gifts were an overall starter in ourselves didn't quite as planned (either for me or her).

The point thing if that is there really a feeling for people whom we could've had spent time with in the past? Like being there to spent time for the person you showed interests for, or growing up to be the ideal person for your loved one.

 

[I am that which I am]

Hello,

I can sort of relate. I was popular at one point in high school which I found very strange. I had lots of friends, but no deep relationships and I felt even more alone surrounded by others than by myself alone. So perhaps that was not the right life for me, like the life of leisure and party may not be right for you. While you may like pieces of the relationship with this girl, if I understand correctly the whole is not that great. And this can leave one wondering about what could have been with those pieces, but sometimes forgetting the whole that did not work. I have also been in a tough relationship where there were some good pieces but other really bad pieces and it is hard to let go and get over the fact that the good and bad pieces make a whole. If the bad out-ways the good then it seems best to let go and look elsewhere, but it does take time to get over a relationship and you might always wonder and regret what is for what could have been. I personally went through enough crap with my ex that at one point I realized it was not possible to make things work. But from what I gather from your situation you would have to change yourself to fit into what she expects. This could lead you down a road of self-doubt and never feeling fulfilled. You should not have to change or mold yourself to fit in or be what someone else expects as much as you may love them. If they do not love you for you or try to change you to love you then they are setting themselves up for disappointment as they cannot change people and they are setting you up to feel unfulfilled and like a misfit. To me anyways it seems wrong to try to change others into something they are not. But many (from parents, to teachers, to romantic interests, to even myself) have tried to change me and failed to the point where I simply do not care anymore and would rather be myself than someone I am not (hence my screen name). Of course in some situations it is useful to act or play a different role than you normally would but in my opinion you need somewhere where you can feel that you can be yourself and are appreciated for who you are. Home alone or with a romantic partner is usually that place. Otherwise you might feel unfulfilled and under-appreciated.

I hope this answers your questions although your query was not as clear to me.