Turning manipulator?

[Inator]

Everything here is explained in the "simpler terms", just to not upset anyone...

Understood already, my greatest issue has been not knowing how to behave on key situations, throwing bad comments in the wrong moments, etc. I don't WAAAANT to do these ****-ups, I have always headed towards a "good" life, but never had much success trying to do things the good way, either by mine or others' fault, or maybe both, I don't even know.
I feel I have all the intentions, and that I am fully "enabled" and "meant" to be a good guy in the eyes of the rest, but that I don't actually "know" how to "be" this way.

Not necessary to read, but...

Spoiler

I have always struggled with the fact there's stuff I don't know how to communicate, because I always felt my mind was full of "weird" stuff that I couldn't explain with words.
Have you noticed how you see two letters, images, any work, and you say "oh!, same X person did it", no matter if it had different goals, styles or anything? like an invisible signature. Now, sometimes I feel I find lots of different "patterns" on people, each with certain chance to occur. Between all, I found a very special "pattern" on people, as if "the mind had a shape or inset "master pattern", and everything the person does is related to it". The master pattern being present on everything related to the person, the way its mind mechanism "works", its personality, world "perspective", movement control, accuracy on certain areas, etc.
..Like a tree and its leaves.

They have their patterns, I have mine, which might be quite different. This way, it should be perfectly acceptable and logic that two people with too very different "patterns" feel like having a bad behavior to each other, because it feels too "anti-self-pattern".

However, lately, what I have been trying to do, is the following: Talk to people in a not so busy area, look closely to their eyes no matter how hard, check out all possible of theirs to the slightest detail, what and how they like things, and with some effort determine the hard patterns. I don't mind finding dark hidden stuff (because everyone has some), but this way I can attempt to reply my ideas on a more suitable way that the other person can process the "good" way and thus I get approved to do stuff the good side. This method worked pretty well during the first months of University until I got tired and everything suddently turned as bad as usual.

By analyzing cartoons, videogames, ads, etc., I had my own ideas about specific audiovisual stuff and their impact on the viewers, learnt part of the concept of visual arts' "framing points" by myself even before checking Wikipedia, emotional impact caused by colours usage, etc. While I'm meeting people, and I feel the urge to understand something specific from their patterns, sometimes I tell lies, just so I trigger a certain reply I could evaluate. I try to experiment with the people, and get success from it.

I know that if any NT gets to know that I'm analyzing all of its details and that I'm experimenting with its attitude, will think that I'm an evil sick guy. But, if anyone has their secret dark hidden stuff, is it a good or bad thing what am I doing?
As in, should my conscience remain quiet, or am I truly an evil sick guy for this?
True thing, audiovisual world is full of traps and tricks, but it feels like bringing the same to real life, and it just feels so weird!

 

[Jim Lee]

Inator, In my mind, I have written a dozen or more posts similar to yours. I wanted to understand and to explain some of the complexities of my thoughts. To find self acceptance and maybe social acceptance. The reason I am here today is sound out my ideas, in an accepting environment and perhaps learn something basic about me. The complicated stuff will work itself out.

 

[watersprite]

Some [of us] can learn enough by analyzing their own and other's patterns to put plans into action and experience positive results. Though patterns are visually represented for me by my mind, I'll never be social enough to make use of them. In other words the information comes in, is processed into a visual sort of code/patterns - some are almost a flavor if that makes sense, but, the information going out from me is poor, in the social sense. I have below normal need for interaction or approval and am quietly flippant or skeptical about how much or little true information can be had from exchanges with others.
Present company, significant other, & generally AC excluded.