Sometimes I cannot communicate

[grommet]

Sometimes I can't talk or even write, just the though of interracting with someone is more than I can manage, my mind already overfilled with information and feelings. It's not that I don't want to talk or visit but I am stuck, I just cannot do it. There have been times when I have wanted to post here at the site and I can't. I am absolutely full and can't take more stimulation. I wish it wasn't like this. Sometimes I can't even communicate with my girlfriend because it's just too much. It's like there is a certain amount that I can think and feel in one day and when I have reached that point I am stuck, I cannot go any further.

I want so much to be able to say what I am thinking or tell someone I care about them or answer their question but I am overloaded and need to shut down. I hope people understand that sometimes even though I am not saying anything it does not mean I am not thinking about them. Sometimes, I just have to shut down. Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[Spiller]

I feel just like this! I need to express, it's all in here, but can't do no more.. gotta rest!

 

[Tia Maria]

For you guys (& gals) who have family members or partners you live with ... I wonder if coming up with some sort of system would help ... like colored cards with each color representing a mood or kind of status report. Say PINK would represent exactly what Grommet described. Or a number system 1-10 to reflect your emotional level. And you could simply lay out that index card with the color or number that is already designated with just how you feel, including the fact that you care about your loved one but just are currently UNABLE to show it or respond in any way.

Maybe this "idea" is stupid, I don't know. I'm just tossing it out there. Is there something like this that might help as kind of communication tool?

 

[Warmheart]

Yes! Overloaded and brain is fried. A break from interaction and communication is needed. Kind feelings are in my heart, I simply need to be in solitude to recharge for a while.

 

[Warmheart]

Tia Maria, with friends, explaining this has not helped. They are unable to believe that there are often times when I am so overloaded that interaction is painful.

With my late hubby, we had a great understanding. I would go off by myself for many hours, not speaking-- then come and visit him, and give him a silent, happy hug. I could also walk silently with him on errands, and holding hands made everything okay. We slept together at night holding hands. A smile, a touch, a hug, sitting next to someone silently.
So much communication is not verbal.

 

[Tia Maria]

Tia Maria, with friends, explaining this has not helped. They are unable to believe that there are often times when I am so overloaded that interaction is painful.

With my late hubby, we had a great understanding. I would go off by myself for many hours, not speaking-- then come and visit him, and give him a silent, happy hug. I could also walk silently with him on errands, and holding hands made everything okay. We slept together at night holding hands. A smile, a touch, a hug, sitting next to someone silently.
So much communication is not verbal.

That is so sweet Warmheart. I wanted to Flag your post a "winner" but I notice you wrote "late husband", & I am so sorry for your loss. What a special husband you had, but I am not surprised because you are a special lady.

When two people love & respect each other that kind of understanding, & also support, makes perfect sense. I think part of the difficulty in some couple relationships is when one partner misinterprets their Aspie partner's withdrawal as a lack of love & commitment when that is not at all the case.

As for your friends, I hope they can understand better someday.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I feel that way. It's like a stack overload (if you're a software coder) or a 10lb of potatoes in a 5-lb bag. Can't get to the bottom of it. Sometimes I can use a hand sign for "wait" but if I'm in a deep dive, I can't surface fast enough, and if I'm tired, I just don't care. Sooner or later, some people get it. Some people never do get it. Building up a history and then seeing who pays attention--who's a good listener--that's the only thing that's ever helped.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I wrote in a similar thread on this site about how if you were to meet me and was to be your friend, you may find that I do more stuff with you than I talk about stuff.

I still practice my speech with friends. To recharge my batteries, I suggest to my friends something to do, like throw a ball around or go for a walk around school.

 

[Datura]

Today I was feeling burned out and just curled up on the couch in a blanket. My mom came home and started to ask me about some course work I was doing and how I was feeling. I could only really answer in monosyllables and kept my head buried in the couch cushions. I just wanted to shut everything out.

I don't think it's so much over-stimulation that triggers these episodes so much as general anxiety. I had to deal with some bureaucratic BS today, and that always gets me on edge. There is also the fact that I am doing an online class, and written assignments with protracted due dates always induce anxiety for me.

I have often been accused of being uncommunicative, despite the fact I can be extremely eloquent and talkative under the right circumstances.

 

[StephF]

Yes and if they keep pushing, somethings gotta give ! Otherwise it' ll end up with a buffer overflow and unpredictable results !

 

[TeriM]

I find with my boyfriend that when he is overloaded I have to just let him be. Being an NT it is difficult sometimes because it can make me feel like I am losing him but there is no point me nagging him about something he cannot help is there?

 

[Kit Hunter]

I know exactly what you mean.

Often, I feel incapable of communicating. It feels like my brain has gotten stuck in a mud ditch, and my throat just fills up with sand. Sometimes I grasp for something to say, some way to enunciate what I am thinking or feeling, but then something entirely different comes out of my mouth.

"I hope people understand that sometimes even though I am not saying anything it does not mean I am not thinking about them."

I hope this as well. It seems that far too often, those that I love misunderstand my silence. They peg it on some misconstrued sense of pride that I supposedly have which prompts me to "refuse to talk to them" because I think I'm better than them - which is not the case!

It's really hard for me to even vent. If I do, it's often very messy and upon reflection, I regret doing so. Writing sometimes helps. Other times, I just try to pour all those feelings into art or composing music. If that doesn't work, I just run somewhere far away where I can be alone and not have to deal with that pain (though of course, this doesn't erase the problem, just delays me having to deal with it).

If there's one thing I want more than anything else for my family, it's that they would understand me and understand why it is I fail to speak, why it is I fail to smile or laugh or cry. I do care, I just don't know how to say it in a way that they will get.

 

[Judge]

I find with my boyfriend that when he is overloaded I have to just let him be. Being an NT it is difficult sometimes because it can make me feel like I am losing him but there is no point me nagging him about something he cannot help is there?

While I realize such "Aspie dynamics" may be uncomfortable to you, I think it's very important that it sounds like you grasp not only what is involved, but how to deal with them. Or to be more succinct, to let him deal with them on his terms. The more space you give him, the stronger your relationship is apt to be. A social dynamic alien perhaps to NTs, but not to us.

 

[TeriM]

While I realize such "Aspie dynamics" may be uncomfortable to you, I think it's very important that it sounds like you grasp not only what is involved, but how to deal with them. Or to be more succinct, to let him deal with them on his terms. The more space you give him, the stronger your relationship is apt to be. A social dynamic alien perhaps to NTs, but not to us.

It is not that it is uncomfortable it is just such a different way of thinking and it is so emotionally exhausting, probably for both of us! I understand his need for space is not about me but the missing him is hard especially when I want to wrap him up and protect him. But I made a choice to make this journey with him and I do really really try to see things the way he does xx

 

[flowers]

Yes. Very annoying for me when I want to interact with others but it's like my brain refuses to work with me. And I have found people get upset at you if you are too quiet too much. I'm not trying to be rude to them, but sometimes everything is too much for my brain! I wish I can explain it in a way that made sense to them, I don't like miscommunication.

That's a thing I like about this site, there are those little icons you can press re: Like, Agree, Funny. Which helps communication when I'm almost at that point of not being able to communicate but can still handle reading

 

[Harry1965]

I feel like is all the time ... God it's so good to find others who feel the same way. I thought I was going nuts!

I have a retreat that I go to often .... I tore down my garage and built a small office/room (I call it The Schack) and pretty much spend all my time there.

I am planning on sleeping back in the same bed as my wife but I'm never sure she really wants me there as she often gets up and sleeps in the lounge room due to our bed being really uncomfortable.

Anyway, my point is we need time alone to process all the inputs. I've learnt to get time alone and my wife seems to understand this.

Hope this helps.

 

[Naturalist]

Sometimes I can't talk or even write, just the though of interracting with someone is more than I can manage, my mind already overfilled with information and feelings. It's not that I don't want to talk or visit but I am stuck, I just cannot do it. There have been times when I have wanted to post here at the site and I can't. I am absolutely full and can't take more stimulation. I wish it wasn't like this. Sometimes I can't even communicate with my girlfriend because it's just too much. It's like there is a certain amount that I can think and feel in one day and when I have reached that point I am stuck, I cannot go any further.

I want so much to be able to say what I am thinking or tell someone I care about them or answer their question but I am overloaded and need to shut down. I hope people understand that sometimes even though I am not saying anything it does not mean I am not thinking about them. Sometimes, I just have to shut down. Does anyone else feel this way?

This is exactly how I have felt for the past month. Which is why everyone at AC hasn't seen much of me lately! Usually it goes away after a few days, but recently the overload is inexorable... Lately I have just been on the verge of exploding, because every extra bit of sensory, mental, or emotional stimuli puts me nearer to the threshold of total inability to cope. I have been yelling at my young son a lot, and it makes me sad for him, but his antics combined with everything else are just too much to take, and I cannot communicate adequately all the things that are compounding my stress.

My therapist and I use a system like Tia Maria suggested, but he is the only one who has the patience for it. My family, not so much.

 

[Julia 27]

I know exactly what you mean.

Often, I feel incapable of communicating. It feels like my brain has gotten stuck in a mud ditch, and my throat just fills up with sand. Sometimes I grasp for something to say, some way to enunciate what I am thinking or feeling, but then something entirely different comes out of my mouth.

"I hope people understand that sometimes even though I am not saying anything it does not mean I am not thinking about them."

I hope this as well. It seems that far too often, those that I love misunderstand my silence. They peg it on some misconstrued sense of pride that I supposedly have which prompts me to "refuse to talk to them" because I think I'm better than them - which is not the case!

It's really hard for me to even vent. If I do, it's often very messy and upon reflection, I regret doing so. Writing sometimes helps. Other times, I just try to pour all those feelings into art or composing music. If that doesn't work, I just run somewhere far away where I can be alone and not have to deal with that pain (though of course, this doesn't erase the problem, just delays me having to deal with it).

If there's one thing I want more than anything else for my family, it's that they would understand me and understand why it is I fail to speak, why it is I fail to smile or laugh or cry. I do care, I just don't know how to say it in a way that they will get.

Yes that is how I feel I do care but sometimes I also fail to cry or talk

 

[Harrison]

I have days when I chose not to speak to anyone, gives me a chance to reset. My job entails me talking to folk all day so the opportunity to be silent is always welcome. Should have been a monk.

 

[Spiller]

This is exactly how I have felt for the past month. Which is why everyone at AC hasn't seen much of me lately! Usually it goes away after a few days, but recently the overload is inexorable... Lately I have just been on the verge of exploding, because every extra bit of sensory, mental, or emotional stimuli puts me nearer to the threshold of total inability to cope. I have been yelling at my young son a lot, and it makes me sad for him, but his antics combined with everything else are just too much to take, and I cannot communicate adequately all the things that are compounding my stress.

My therapist and I use a system like Tia Maria suggested, but he is the only one who has the patience for it. My family, not so much.

I too feel bad for all my family has to go through with the way I am, especially my 10 year old - I shouted at him recently, for the first time ever - about nothing at all, really and I apologised soon after. He knows I'm not 'well', but I hate having to abandon him for 2-3 days a week (he normally stays with me for 3.5 days) so I can recharge.. he's always upset when I take him back to his mother as he'd rather live with me, but I really doubt I'd be able to cope full time with no quiet space.. and I hate that!
His mother has lately taken to making me have him 5-6 days a week, as she thinks I'll 'get used to it', so I'm having much more difficulty coping and don't know where it'll end.
My point is, guilt over this stuff greatly compounds how bad I feel.. I have a fairly supportive family who will help out when I can't manage and I have to try to accept that this is the situation right now and try not to feel bad.