Hello all, I am new to the fourm, but I am SO glad I found it! I am in the process of trying to get my husband assessed. I think he is on the Autistic scale, but maybe I am hoping it is Aspies verses something else, because honestly, I think I could deal with Aspies verses something else...does that make sence? Let me give you all some bullet points and maybe you can confirm that I at least am on the right track?
Hubby is 49 years old. Graduated high school top of his class, got scolorships to everything, graduated college in 3 years with 2 4 year degrees, has an IQ of over 180.
Horrible self esteem most days. Has regrets in life he has never let go of...didn't pass physical part to become a pilot, has regreted it all his life. Kids picked on him in school, has never gotten over it.
Dwells on the negitive.
He is a very good mechanical engineer, to the point of almost work aholic. He is not a clock watcher, he waits for a good stoppig point before leaving work for the day, however it is usually about the same time every day. His co-workers like him because he is the "go to guy" to fix just about anything, they recognize and appreciate his inteligence.
He hates social events. I need to go to several for my work, I worry every time we go to one, because he has embarassed me many times. It is like he writes the words "back off" or "don't talk to me" on his forehead just before we enter. Prefers to be against the wall in a corner. And if I make the mistake of not being plastered to his side, it is like I committed a horrible crime.
His anxiety over social events almost always end with a migraine. I can tell he is trying to "behaive properly" during these events, but I can tell he is so uncomfortable!
Pain is exadurated and focused on all the time...but refuses to go to Dr because he believes they will not help him. (he had knee ingury years ago)
He will only wear certine clothes/brands. I think this is due to sensory issues (not sure though) And if he gets a spot of something on his shirt while we are out, the day os over. He HAS to change his shirt, focuses on nothing but that spot. We have had to go buy a new shirt when far away from home.
His shoes MUST be on tight and his socks MUST be pulled up with no wrinkles. He will stop what he is doing to fix a sock and shoe issue.
His diet is aweful. A lot of sugar. He claims spices, even the smallest amount burn his toung. Will only eat a few things, will not try anything new.
He doesn't get when he insults me as a wife. For example: The other night, I giggled over something I was reading online. He asked what was funny. I didn't even have the first sentence out before he reached over and grabed for ear plugs. (he works in a plant so always has them handy.) I was insulted and furious! He could not understand at all why that would upset me.
He has to drive his car, not mine, when we go somewhere. He has even told me it gives him a sence of security.
There can be nothing spontanious. Everything must go as planned, or his behavior becomes so odd and everyone can tell he is not happy, that we usually end up not doing anything. Plans get ruined a lot. And when anyone tries to explain that how he just reacted was so illogical, and that he ruined everyones plans, he turns in on himself, acts like the ingured party, covers his head and shuts down. The next several days are ruined.
He has several subjects that he knows EVERYTHING about. When I see him getting nervious in social settings, I try to stear the conversation to those subjects and he is off and talking. Doesn't always get when it is time to stop though, doesn't get that others are really done listening about those.
Everything is black or white.
He looks only at negitive aspects of people.
Thinks friends and family only call when they need something, not because they like/love him. I do not see this, just the opposit. He does not make friends well, but when he does, they are life friends, but he does not believe that.
He can be so sweet and kind, animals love him and he relates better with animals than people. However, the dog is 4 years old and he insists on putting pee pads down for the house trained dog. She pees on them because he wants her too....he has trained her to do that, she wants to make him happy...he can not see that.
The T.V. MUST be on at all times. He watches the same movies over and over again.
A lot of what I see as passive agressive behavior, but now not sure if he even "gets" that he is giving off these"don't talk to me" vibes?
Most days I feel very inconsiquential in his life, other days I feel like I am his only reason for life. Or is he just afraid of being alone???
Wow, just re-read what I wrote, these sound worse than they are, yet they are all very true statements. I guess just more subtle than I can explain in writting?
Thoughts? Opinions? Am I on the right track to getting him assesed for Autisum scale? Oh and according to him, there is nothing wrong with him, he can not comprehend what I am talking about, well he can when I explained what just happened and why I am mad/hurt. And says things like" you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around me, that isn't right." So I might only get one shot, on the premiss of saving our marriage to get him assesed.
Hubby is 49 years old. Graduated high school top of his class, got scolorships to everything, graduated college in 3 years with 2 4 year degrees, has an IQ of over 180.
Horrible self esteem most days. Has regrets in life he has never let go of...didn't pass physical part to become a pilot, has regreted it all his life. Kids picked on him in school, has never gotten over it.
Dwells on the negitive.
He is a very good mechanical engineer, to the point of almost work aholic. He is not a clock watcher, he waits for a good stoppig point before leaving work for the day, however it is usually about the same time every day. His co-workers like him because he is the "go to guy" to fix just about anything, they recognize and appreciate his inteligence.
He hates social events. I need to go to several for my work, I worry every time we go to one, because he has embarassed me many times. It is like he writes the words "back off" or "don't talk to me" on his forehead just before we enter. Prefers to be against the wall in a corner. And if I make the mistake of not being plastered to his side, it is like I committed a horrible crime.
His anxiety over social events almost always end with a migraine. I can tell he is trying to "behaive properly" during these events, but I can tell he is so uncomfortable!
Pain is exadurated and focused on all the time...but refuses to go to Dr because he believes they will not help him. (he had knee ingury years ago)
He will only wear certine clothes/brands. I think this is due to sensory issues (not sure though) And if he gets a spot of something on his shirt while we are out, the day os over. He HAS to change his shirt, focuses on nothing but that spot. We have had to go buy a new shirt when far away from home.
His shoes MUST be on tight and his socks MUST be pulled up with no wrinkles. He will stop what he is doing to fix a sock and shoe issue.
His diet is aweful. A lot of sugar. He claims spices, even the smallest amount burn his toung. Will only eat a few things, will not try anything new.
He doesn't get when he insults me as a wife. For example: The other night, I giggled over something I was reading online. He asked what was funny. I didn't even have the first sentence out before he reached over and grabed for ear plugs. (he works in a plant so always has them handy.) I was insulted and furious! He could not understand at all why that would upset me.
He has to drive his car, not mine, when we go somewhere. He has even told me it gives him a sence of security.
There can be nothing spontanious. Everything must go as planned, or his behavior becomes so odd and everyone can tell he is not happy, that we usually end up not doing anything. Plans get ruined a lot. And when anyone tries to explain that how he just reacted was so illogical, and that he ruined everyones plans, he turns in on himself, acts like the ingured party, covers his head and shuts down. The next several days are ruined.
He has several subjects that he knows EVERYTHING about. When I see him getting nervious in social settings, I try to stear the conversation to those subjects and he is off and talking. Doesn't always get when it is time to stop though, doesn't get that others are really done listening about those.
Everything is black or white.
He looks only at negitive aspects of people.
Thinks friends and family only call when they need something, not because they like/love him. I do not see this, just the opposit. He does not make friends well, but when he does, they are life friends, but he does not believe that.
He can be so sweet and kind, animals love him and he relates better with animals than people. However, the dog is 4 years old and he insists on putting pee pads down for the house trained dog. She pees on them because he wants her too....he has trained her to do that, she wants to make him happy...he can not see that.
The T.V. MUST be on at all times. He watches the same movies over and over again.
A lot of what I see as passive agressive behavior, but now not sure if he even "gets" that he is giving off these"don't talk to me" vibes?
Most days I feel very inconsiquential in his life, other days I feel like I am his only reason for life. Or is he just afraid of being alone???
Wow, just re-read what I wrote, these sound worse than they are, yet they are all very true statements. I guess just more subtle than I can explain in writting?
Thoughts? Opinions? Am I on the right track to getting him assesed for Autisum scale? Oh and according to him, there is nothing wrong with him, he can not comprehend what I am talking about, well he can when I explained what just happened and why I am mad/hurt. And says things like" you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around me, that isn't right." So I might only get one shot, on the premiss of saving our marriage to get him assesed.
