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I am sober now.

Metalhead said:
I am at the office now. My boss is out for today. I am expecting to be yelled at by her when I come in tomorrow. I already am putting money aside in case this job is lost. I can live off my SSDI alone if that turns out to be the case, but I would be eating a lot of beans and rice and I would not be able to buy any movies and games like I have been the last few years.

I remember when I lived off my SSDI alone a decade ago, I poured my heart and my soul into my film criticism website. Everybody thought that website was a good thing for me except for my mother, who kept on telling me I was "obsessed with my blog" and that it was "very unhealthy". Now she is claiming she "always supported my film criticism" in her love bombing of me. What a female dog she is.
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It hasn't happened yet but you're stress over it. I suggest you go for a long walk when you have time.
 
Metalhead said:
I am at the office now. My boss is out for today. I am expecting to be yelled at by her when I come in tomorrow. I already am putting money aside in case this job is lost. I can live off my SSDI alone if that turns out to be the case, but I would be eating a lot of beans and rice and I would not be able to buy any movies and games like I have been the last few years.

I remember when I lived off my SSDI alone a decade ago, I poured my heart and my soul into my film criticism website. Everybody thought that website was a good thing for me except for my mother, who kept on telling me I was "obsessed with my blog" and that it was "very unhealthy". Now she is claiming she "always supported my film criticism" in her love bombing of me. What a female dog she is.
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I hope that things turn out far more optimistically than you fear.
I'd care to hear your views of two Anime; Your Name (Kimi no Na wa) and A Silent Voice (Koe no Katachi).
 
Rodafina said:
These are the thoughts you can recognize and dismiss. Rewriting the narrative might start with something like: “My mother would think this…, But, her intention is to hurt me, and I think differently.”
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I believe that @Metalhead mentioned that he wants to start CBT, and whether that or CPT, one starts with what you state, recognizing the triggers, accept how you felt, and what can you say otherwise. Rewriting my script that I internalized of being Damaged, Unwanted, Undesirable, that was always lurking in the background and now I am happier, knowing that in the past I was able to gain sufficient maturity to recognize and attract a supportive spouse.
 
The time for regrets is over. The time to start investing in myself again is now.

I will bring my website back and since I matured as a writer, it will be better than ever.

I will look into becoming a PT student now that I know my mother lied to me when she screamed at me that taking a language class will make me lose my SSDI, even just one class at a time. Then she made me hug her after she had me to the point of tears, and told me to smile the rest of the day. Those days are bloody well over.
 
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