How to get in a relationship when you do not like group events?

[Shamar]

I am far too poor to afford paying anyone. I am still looking for a romantic relationship. It does not have to be sexual right away, but I will be upfront with her that I will want it to be sexual as soon as possible. I just do not believe in platonic friendships. I want a friendships/relationships- but I am only interested in sexual ones.

Seems to me like you are not interested in a relationship, just getting laid. A relationship means being interested in the person, not their genitals. Sex is the culmination of a relationship, not the reason for it (although far too many people think otherwise).

 

[Poppy98]

You should never try to change yourself in order to be in a relationship. It doesn’t matter what you’re into, there’s probably someone who would enjoy sharing that with you.

I agree that it's not good to try to be someone else to get into a relationship. It did make me think of the fact, though, that relationships do seem to cause change--usually for the better.

 

[Poppy98]

Seems to me like you are not interested in a relationship, just getting laid. A relationship means being interested in the person, not their genitals. Sex is the culmination of a relationship, not the reason for it (although far too many people think otherwise).

Fully agreed.



I think that OP could make a website called "I just want to hook up regularly with the same person" but anything in life worth having is worth working for. Even if you find a girl who wants to be "friends with benefits," you would need to be prepared to put in some minimal amount of effort and realize that at any moment she may decide to leave the situation and you just have to accept that.

I do not really conform with anything. No one has ever really convinced me to do anything. I am not interested in politics, in history, in friends, in power, in money, in status, in sports, in family. None of those things have ever meant anything to me really.

What is important to you?

No one has ever really convinced me to do anything.

Tbh that might put you at a disadvantage in life. Having to do things--even homework and a job teach you a lot about your abilities and how you can succeed in other areas of your life.

Have you ever cared a lot about something and worked hard for it? If so, what topic was it that motivated you?

 

[Shamar]

I agree that it's not good to try to be someone else to get into a relationship. It did make me think of the fact, though, that relationships do seem to cause change--usually for the better.

It seems to me that is a form of masking. There is a difference in change because of a relationship and change to create a relationship. I think it was Scott Adams (Dilbert) who once said "Pretend to be someone else until she loves you for who she thinks you are."

 

[velociraptor]

It seems to me that is a form of masking.

When I mask I am still me. I don't pretend to be someone else. I am still clear that I would rather cook and eat a meal by a river than dine in a restaurant. That I will take a cat lover over a dog lover (well, no, I don't do dog lovers). That watching Star Trek is now and forever superior to watching sports. And I will fight anyone who says they make a better chocolate chip cookie than me. I just do it with more eye contact and less stimming. I think of masking as a network protocol. The transport layer is separate from the information layer.

 

[Poppy98]

That I will take a cat lover over a dog lover (well, no, I don't do dog lovers).

Lol, what?! Just in romantic relationships because you'd be anticipating living with them or ever?

 

[AspieChris]

If you really think about it, even bathing and putting on cologne before a date would be a firm of masking. Nobody actually smells like apples or roses. We do it as a sign of respect for others. So being conscious of the tone of your voice or where your hands are is really just about making others comfortable in your presence.

Masking to the point of lying about what you enjoy in life is where it begins to fall apart.