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How to bring up autism/Aspergers with the family?

Momo

Momo

Well-Known Larrikin
As of late I've kind of been wondering if I should tell my family that I'm an aspie at all, I am seeking out a diagnosis myself and if that comes back positive, well I'll sort that out when I get there but I'm pretty certain it will with my prior 'issues'. I'm not sure if I should talk to my mother about it, or if I even could, and my brothers, that would never end well... Austism is the butt of just about every one of my youngest brother's jokes and I really don't think it would end well if I tried to bring it up with either of them. As for my mother, I feel she'd brush it off, just like when I was so depressed I was at the point of jumping off a bridge and she still didn't listen to me. So far I've brought it up with one friend as her father and brother are autistic so I thought she'd get it, and she did, but I'm still worried to tell her too much as she will likely bring it up with the family.

I kind of feel like I'm lying to them, but I know what will happen if I try to talk to any of my family members about it, especially my father, who used to laugh in my face about how I was a "f***** up person" and that's without a diagnosis.

Is there a way I can tell them that won't end in a complete and utter disaster? Or shouldn't I tell my family about my issues at all, I haven't thus far and it hasn't seemed to make a big difference. My only reason for telling my family would be my conscience, and is that worth my family?
Thank you for your input.
 
What's said can't be unsaid.

Think of it as learning patience.

(Hard for anyone to learn,especially me)

Take your time, grow into it and yourself.
Wait to see how your life develops first.
My initial thought :)
 
I think it would be beneficial to yourself and your family if you told them that you are seeking an official diagnosis of Asperger's or ASD. If I were you I would sit down with my mother and explain to her what Asperger's is and why you suspect yourself of having the condition... if she brushes it off well then it is what is... perhaps your mom is in denial about you being "different" I don't know... but I wouldn't stress over it, just tell her "Mom, I think I am Autistic. Will you support me in getting a diagnosis?" That's my suggestion.
 
P.S.
You're father sounds like an a-hole . How dare he call you that! Definitely not a guy I would want to have for a father. I am so sorry. I hope everything goes well and good luck!
 
Hartley said:
P.S.
You're father sounds like an a-hole . How dare he call you that! Definitely not a guy I would want to have for a father. I am so sorry. I hope everything goes well and good luck!
Click to expand...
My father has a history of mistreating me and his sons alike, I suppose I used to just think of him ask old school. As in he didn't want to invest the money in my education because my brothers "deserved it more" even though I got them into this posh school in the first place, amongst other things like that, and don't get me started on some of his other wonderful comments... I wasn't allowed to have friends as a kid because anything less than Snow White skin is not okay by his standards and we were living in China for gods sake, let alone the whole mum and I never being allowed to get a job (guess why). But it is how it is, besides, he's kicked his children out of the house for the umpteenth time now, I suppose what he thinks doesn't make a big impact on me.
 
remember as he is far from perfect he will be suffering -his attitude will be his downfall,
he sounds very bitter.
i'll pray for your family -when you practice mindfulness meditate on the power of thought and that your parents attitude could change overnight .
i have no contact with any blood relatives- they are very self centred .
i speak to my uncles wife she was supportive ,thats why respecting people is good, your family are not guaranteed to be ideal
 
Momo said:
Is there a way I can tell them that won't end in a complete and utter disaster?
Click to expand...

1. "Need-to-know" basis only.

2. Does your family truly need to know?

3. Any disclosure of autism is likely to be a calculated risk with potentially unforeseen consequences.
 
Momo said:
As of late I've kind of been wondering if I should tell my family that I'm an aspie at all, I am seeking out a diagnosis myself and if that comes back positive, well I'll sort that out when I get there but I'm pretty certain it will with my prior 'issues'. I'm not sure if I should talk to my mother about it, or if I even could, and my brothers, that would never end well... Austism is the butt of just about every one of my youngest brother's jokes and I really don't think it would end well if I tried to bring it up with either of them. As for my mother, I feel she'd brush it off, just like when I was so depressed I was at the point of jumping off a bridge and she still didn't listen to me. So far I've brought it up with one friend as her father and brother are autistic so I thought she'd get it, and she did, but I'm still worried to tell her too much as she will likely bring it up with the family.

I kind of feel like I'm lying to them, but I know what will happen if I try to talk to any of my family members about it, especially my father, who used to laugh in my face about how I was a "f***** up person" and that's without a diagnosis.

Is there a way I can tell them that won't end in a complete and utter disaster? Or shouldn't I tell my family about my issues at all, I haven't thus far and it hasn't seemed to make a big difference. My only reason for telling my family would be my conscience, and is that worth my family?
Thank you for your input.
Click to expand...
Your family won't hate you just for being different, my family hates me just the same as they always did. Anyways, what's there to be embarrassed about? You're as good or better if you're an aspie.
 
If you think it will help you as an individual ? If it's for the purpose of understanding and support and encouragement? (Them for you, not you for them)

If they're anything like my family, they'll dismiss it as nonsense and go on to list alternative explanations for behaviours suggesting that everyone else does what I do. There's nothing to distinguish or separate me from other members of the family in particular my siblings.
Therein lies the irony :)
There's more than just me in the family who is going through life like this.
 
Momo said:
As of late I've kind of been wondering if I should tell my family that I'm an aspie at all, I am seeking out a diagnosis myself and if that comes back positive, well I'll sort that out when I get there but I'm pretty certain it will with my prior 'issues'. I'm not sure if I should talk to my mother about it, or if I even could, and my brothers, that would never end well... Austism is the butt of just about every one of my youngest brother's jokes and I really don't think it would end well if I tried to bring it up with either of them. As for my mother, I feel she'd brush it off, just like when I was so depressed I was at the point of jumping off a bridge and she still didn't listen to me. So far I've brought it up with one friend as her father and brother are autistic so I thought she'd get it, and she did, but I'm still worried to tell her too much as she will likely bring it up with the family.

I kind of feel like I'm lying to them, but I know what will happen if I try to talk to any of my family members about it, especially my father, who used to laugh in my face about how I was a "f***** up person" and that's without a diagnosis.

Is there a way I can tell them that won't end in a complete and utter disaster? Or shouldn't I tell my family about my issues at all, I haven't thus far and it hasn't seemed to make a big difference. My only reason for telling my family would be my conscience, and is that worth my family?
Thank you for your input.
Click to expand...
If I were you I might tell your Mom, but I might get her to promise not to tell anyone including your father first.

The reason being your mother may be able to help you get some testing and help from Human-services.
It might be good for you to know what you have exactly so you can learn better ways to cope with it @Momo .

Good luck :fourleaf:
 
Been thinking the same thing ... just got official diagnosis. Passed with flying colours.
Think my parents will dismiss it or treat me like an invalid or mentally challenged. I'm holding back telling them anything... i don't tell them much about my life anyway and never have so why start now?
It was for my peace of mind to get the diagnosis anyway...
 
what would make diagnosis quicker is if your mother was at the appointment the diagnosticians need early childhood info and your mother has that i pray g~d she has no memory problems
Momo said:
My father has a history of mistreating me and his sons alike, I suppose I used to just think of him ask old school. As in he didn't want to invest the money in my education because my brothers "deserved it more" even though I got them into this posh school in the first place, amongst other things like that, and don't get me started on some of his other wonderful comments... I wasn't allowed to have friends as a kid because anything less than Snow White skin is not okay by his standards and we were living in China for gods sake, let alone the whole mum and I never being allowed to get a job (guess why). But it is how it is, besides, he's kicked his children out of the house for the umpteenth time now, I suppose what he thinks doesn't make a big impact on me.
Click to expand...
 
Streetwise said:
what would make diagnosis quicker is if your mother was at the appointment the diagnosticians need early childhood info and your mother has that i pray g~d she has no memory problems
Click to expand...

As an adult a parent is not strictly required to assist in the assessment. My psyc asked me childhood related questions and i was able to provide sufficient answers. Neither of my parents were required to be involved in my assessment.
 
didnt mention required said quicker
Lady Penelope said:
As an adult a parent is not strictly required to assist in the assessment. My psyc asked me childhood related questions and i was able to provide sufficient answers. Neither of my parents were required to be involved in my assessment.
Click to expand...
 
Streetwise said:
didnt mention required said quicker
Click to expand...

Didn't find it quicker either. As long as questions regarding verbal development, interactions with peers, play and early development can be answered with reasonable accuracy the assessment will take same amount of time. In my case it was the better part of 3 sessions. We went through each diagnostic criteria and discussed them. Talk fast and it will be over quicker. Submit your response in writing and let the psyc assess... might be quicker still.
 
Momo said:
As of late I've kind of been wondering if I should tell my family that I'm an aspie at all, I am seeking out a diagnosis myself and if that comes back positive, well I'll sort that out when I get there but I'm pretty certain it will with my prior 'issues'. I'm not sure if I should talk to my mother about it, or if I even could, and my brothers, that would never end well... Austism is the butt of just about every one of my youngest brother's jokes and I really don't think it would end well if I tried to bring it up with either of them. As for my mother, I feel she'd brush it off, just like when I was so depressed I was at the point of jumping off a bridge and she still didn't listen to me. So far I've brought it up with one friend as her father and brother are autistic so I thought she'd get it, and she did, but I'm still worried to tell her too much as she will likely bring it up with the family.

I kind of feel like I'm lying to them, but I know what will happen if I try to talk to any of my family members about it, especially my father, who used to laugh in my face about how I was a "f***** up person" and that's without a diagnosis.

Is there a way I can tell them that won't end in a complete and utter disaster? Or shouldn't I tell my family about my issues at all, I haven't thus far and it hasn't seemed to make a big difference. My only reason for telling my family would be my conscience, and is that worth my family?
Thank you for your input.
Click to expand...

I have shared with only one family member and am not interested in telling others and don't plan to either.

You mentioned your conscience and feeling as if you are lying for being the reason you might want to tell your family. I do not know what your reasoning is for that. Not telling everyone your business is not lying.

It does not sound as if your family exactly has your back, so sharing your diagnosis will probably not be helpful to you. It sounds more as if disclosure to your family will be harmful to you. Most religions do not encourage self harm.
 
not possible in the UK
Lady Penelope said:
Didn't find it quicker either. As long as questions regarding verbal development, interactions with peers, play and early development can be answered with reasonable accuracy the assessment will take same amount of time. In my case it was the better part of 3 sessions. We went through each diagnostic criteria and discussed them. Talk fast and it will be over quicker. Submit your response in writing and let the psyc assess... might be quicker still.
Click to expand...
 
diagnosis is possible! just not written if you live in the right county !
we have a sarcastic term for receiving therapy in the UK its called postcode lottery !
you could live across the street from for instance an ms sufferer but not get the therapy they get !as youre in a different county
 
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