I'm Lizbet.
I've always been the smart, polite kid that all the adults loved. I spoke early, energetically, and often. As a senior in highschool, I coordinated and hosted a conference for several hundred people and had already made several influential contacts in my future career field. Most people that saw me grow up have described me as a passionate and intelligent individual.
I've also been miserable for my entire life. As a young child I was so convinced that I "didn't belong" that I insisted that I had been adopted and my birth certificate was forged. I had "tantrums" for no apparent reason, screaming, fighting, hurting myself and my family physically and emotionally. Relatives refused to let me stay at their houses because they couldn't handle my behavior. My parents loved me dearly, but had no idea what to do with me. I was often told that I was abusive, selfish, over-sensitive and paranoid. I hated it. I love my family but it seemed like I was always hurting them, so I just decided that I must be "bad."
As I got older, I began to connect the dots. Even as a teenager, I would swing compulsively for hours on end if I was not interrupted (I broke three heavy-duty swings from overuse.) Certain things upset me way more than they "should have": visitors to the house, noise, touch, lights, movies, and especially people. I wondered if I had autism, but when I mentioned it to my parents I was accused of being paranoid. Finally, I reached a point where I was so emotionally unstable and in such a bad place that my current therapist (who also assured me I was not on the spectrum even though I had a meltdown right in front of him... embarrassing!) sent me to a psychiatrist, sure that I had bipolar disorder. I was terrified. I was "crazy" and I would never be able to live a "normal" life. Instead, a few months ago, I was told that I had an autism spectrum disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and depression with mixed features. For once, I wasn't wrong, and for the first time my life is making sense. It's frustrating, and sometimes discouraging, but mostly it's amazing to finally have answers.
So that's me. I'm here because I want to learn and talk to other people "like me," even though I know everyone is going to be different. And this is a kind of long post because it is the product of weeks of worrying about what to say. I already cut out a lot to make it shorter, but, well, there you are. Hi.
I've always been the smart, polite kid that all the adults loved. I spoke early, energetically, and often. As a senior in highschool, I coordinated and hosted a conference for several hundred people and had already made several influential contacts in my future career field. Most people that saw me grow up have described me as a passionate and intelligent individual.
I've also been miserable for my entire life. As a young child I was so convinced that I "didn't belong" that I insisted that I had been adopted and my birth certificate was forged. I had "tantrums" for no apparent reason, screaming, fighting, hurting myself and my family physically and emotionally. Relatives refused to let me stay at their houses because they couldn't handle my behavior. My parents loved me dearly, but had no idea what to do with me. I was often told that I was abusive, selfish, over-sensitive and paranoid. I hated it. I love my family but it seemed like I was always hurting them, so I just decided that I must be "bad."
As I got older, I began to connect the dots. Even as a teenager, I would swing compulsively for hours on end if I was not interrupted (I broke three heavy-duty swings from overuse.) Certain things upset me way more than they "should have": visitors to the house, noise, touch, lights, movies, and especially people. I wondered if I had autism, but when I mentioned it to my parents I was accused of being paranoid. Finally, I reached a point where I was so emotionally unstable and in such a bad place that my current therapist (who also assured me I was not on the spectrum even though I had a meltdown right in front of him... embarrassing!) sent me to a psychiatrist, sure that I had bipolar disorder. I was terrified. I was "crazy" and I would never be able to live a "normal" life. Instead, a few months ago, I was told that I had an autism spectrum disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and depression with mixed features. For once, I wasn't wrong, and for the first time my life is making sense. It's frustrating, and sometimes discouraging, but mostly it's amazing to finally have answers.
So that's me. I'm here because I want to learn and talk to other people "like me," even though I know everyone is going to be different. And this is a kind of long post because it is the product of weeks of worrying about what to say. I already cut out a lot to make it shorter, but, well, there you are. Hi.
