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Hard conversations

daniegirl6224

daniegirl6224

Well-Known Member
Do hard conversations trigger shutdowns for you? Have you found anything to help with this? I sometimes write out notes in advance and that helps some. Any other ideas on how to self-regulate so it doesn’t affect you so much? I shut down with almost any difficult conversation.
 
I've been known to write long letters. I've made a few to my wife for her to read when I am not around.

It's the only way I've found to say what I want to say, the way I want to say it. I am not good at verbal conversations, especially when the other person is inclined to interrupt or be disagreeable. It just throws me off and what I need to say never gets said.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
I've been known to write long letters. I've made a few to my wife for her to read when I am not around.

It's the only way I've found to say what I want to say, the way I want to say it. I am not good at verbal conversations, especially when the other person is inclined to interrupt or be disagreeable. It just throws me off and what I need to say never gets said.
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That's how I handled my divorce, but I got labelled as not having enough guts to talk face to face. I would've had a melt down if it had been face to face, but I still feel weak for not doing it, although it was better not to end in utter turmoil.
 
It depends on the conversation I guess. Shutdowns or partial shutdowns anyway tend to occur when the other person starts snapping or yelling at me. Other people yelling at each other in the same room can cause a partial shutdown too.
 
daniegirl6224 said:
Do hard conversations trigger shutdowns for you? Have you found anything to help with this? I sometimes write out notes in advance and that helps some. Any other ideas on how to self-regulate so it doesn’t affect you so much? I shut down with almost any difficult conversation.
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I need to emotionally disconnect if I want to set down some hard rules for people. In a relationship situation I tried @Neonatal RRT's idea of writing a letter and that didn't go down too well, I was accused of being a gutless wimp.

But I am able to emotionally shut down when needed, disassociation. When this happens it's like I'm hiding at the back of my mind and watching myself operate autonomously, even my own voice sounds foreign to me. When I'm in that mode though there is no compassion or sympathy, all emotions are quashed, and I can be a very hard man.

Sometimes that's necessary though, especially when dealing with pushy employers.
 
@Tuffsy said, "That's how I handled my divorce, but I got labelled as not having enough guts to talk face to face. I would've had a melt down if it had been face to face, but I still feel weak for not doing it, although it was better not to end in utter turmoil."

@Outdated said, "In a relationship situation I tried @Neonatal RRT's idea of writing a letter and that didn't go down too well, I was accused of being a gutless wimp."

I suspect that with regards to the letter writing idea, it depends upon the topic and who you are dealing with. I am thinking with a relationship situation where there is a fair amount of tension, the conversation wouldn't have gone well whether it was a verbal face-to-face or written. You would have been doomed either way.

I guess I should have prefaced that when I've written letters to my wife, the topic was not about some major issue of contention in our relationship, per se, but rather topics that I felt I couldn't elaborate upon without her interrupting and throwing me off track. I am far better expressing myself in writing than I am verbally. I have severe problems with verbal reciprocity, that back-and-forth banter with conversation. I need to just say what I need to say without the other person interrupting my flow of thought. In other words, I need a person to just sit there and let me talk TO them, not WITH them. My wife is very quick to want to banter back and forth and I simply cannot communicate that way. Having said that, my wife and family have slowly realized that over the years, and sort of accepted the fact that when a group conversation starts I will sit out, that I am not going to converse on the phone, etc. If you ask me a question, I can elaborate on that, but you've got to let me finish.
 
I can't honestly claim as such. Mostly given as an adult, some of my jobs often involved "hard conversations" when having to interact with clients or coworkers. With mixed results, but no shutdowns I can recall as such.

The one thing responsible for the few shutdowns I have had in the last few years were both the same, and in the same place. Too many people in a "Christmas Rush" as I call it.

And yet I can't truly say I have any sense of claustrophobia. Go figure. Then again maybe I do. :oops:
 
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Some of my most difficult conversations were solved via text. Something about being overstimulated conversationally can trigger what sounds to others like a snarky or 'defensive' tone, so it's much easier to avoid the baggage and just remain as neutral as possible. The only way I know how to do that is to just write it down
 
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