Aspie neuroses: the child of neurotic society

[Professori]

Wow, I have read through so many threads which reveal the complex neuroses of Aspies!
So many speak of how poor their self-worth is based on a lack of 'fit' with current societal view of what is acceptable. So many say that they are such freaks, or become suicidal because they feel so bad about who they are. Upfront, this is not a post aimed at an emotional or sensational fix. Too boring for that, and probably has been dealt with before, but here is my melt-down.

I wonder what their self-worth would be if there never was the constant marketing by society of how abnormal Aspie behaviour and mentality is. Fact is that we live in a society that is the most neurotic and hyper-sensitive that has ever existed. The reaction to anything that does not comply with the standardized idea of what pleases society is immediately rejected, even reacted to with a sense of being insulted because it offends their own sense of self-worth.

So, who says that everyone should look the same, behave the same, think the same? Even though society says that we are all individuals and everyone pretends to make an individual statement, just about everyone follows the normal societal pattern. That is what fashion is - your hair should look like this, and so everyone complies and soon all men have the same ridiculous hairstyle, etc.

Why are people politically correct? That is the epitome of conformity, and frankly I hate PC behaviour and statements, as well as all that is implied by it. Political correctness is the opiate of the people.

Grief, this is probably very boring to most, given a society that looks for sensationalist gratification, and even though few will read and react, this is just a frustrated individual wondering whether there are any Aspies who are strong enough to stand in the face of such standardized junk and accept the deep potential given to them, live it out!

That is what I would like to believe makes me abnormal - I refuse to accept the crumbs of what people say I should be, even if I am walking upstream when everyone is flowing in the opposite direction. It is darn tough but my discovery is that there are a huge number of people who are confused, neurotic, and conform because they are scared not to, and then have the audacity to say that I am strange!

 

[Bro'Freak]

Logged in to say I have thought & held the same view a few times.

 

[mw2530]

I agree with what you say. I think a big reason why aspies struggle with relationships is they lost their true selves by trying to fit in and conform so they are always acting fake. People can see right through this. When Aspies don't conform and allow themselves to be themselves, many people will not want to associate with them, but there will be a few that like the nonconforming individual. As an aspie, you probably wouldn't want to associate with the people who reject you anyway. Not conforming and being yourself is often refreshing and can be attractive.

 

[clg114]

Wow, I have read through so many threads which reveal the complex neuroses of Aspies!
So many speak of how poor their self-worth is based on a lack of 'fit' with current societal view of what is acceptable. So many say that they are such freaks, or become suicidal because they feel so bad about who they are. Upfront, this is not a post aimed at an emotional or sensational fix. Too boring for that, and probably has been dealt with before, but here is my melt-down.

I wonder what their self-worth would be if there never was the constant marketing by society of how abnormal Aspie behaviour and mentality is. Fact is that we live in a society that is the most neurotic and hyper-sensitive that has ever existed. The reaction to anything that does not comply with the standardized idea of what pleases society is immediately rejected, even reacted to with a sense of being insulted because it offends their own sense of self-worth.

So, who says that everyone should look the same, behave the same, think the same? Even though society says that we are all individuals and everyone pretends to make an individual statement, just about everyone follows the normal societal pattern. That is what fashion is - your hair should look like this, and so everyone complies and soon all men have the same ridiculous hairstyle, etc.

Why are people politically correct? That is the epitome of conformity, and frankly I hate PC behaviour and statements, as well as all that is implied by it. Political correctness is the opiate of the people.

Grief, this is probably very boring to most, given a society that looks for sensationalist gratification, and even though few will read and react, this is just a frustrated individual wondering whether there are any Aspies who are strong enough to stand in the face of such standardized junk and accept the deep potential given to them, live it out!

That is what I would like to believe makes me abnormal - I refuse to accept the crumbs of what people say I should be, even if I am walking upstream when everyone is flowing in the opposite direction. It is darn tough but my discovery is that there are a huge number of people who are confused, neurotic, and conform because they are scared not to, and then have the audacity to say that I am strange!

I have also wondered why there seems to be so many members here who have low self-worth. I have always thought that it is just another example of how we are all different. But your post has me seeing it a little differently. You said that you thought that this was because they did not fit in society and I think that you are right. Thinking back, I remember when I was in my teens and early adulthood, I had a very hard time. It was because I did not fit with any group and I did not have any friends. As time went by, it got better because I saw society in a different light and decided that I liked the way I thought much better. I really believe that these feelings of low self-worth get better with age. It has been a very long time since I have felt like I wanted to be like everyone else. I like being me. I can not imagine thinking any other way. I like being "that weird, old, smart guy".

 

[Bro'Freak]

Looking back at myself I feel that such social pressure causes a detrimental effect on us that are sensitive. In that we start to build solid boundaries in our minds on what we can & can't do. The problem is that it was.. well in my case very convoluted in the end. I had a mind map of possible behaviours I could choose from that I could use to navigate a situation, but it wasn't the true free me & it possibly caused a mental duality. That in the end caused me a problematic situation of something akin to a stalled brain. I knew the answers but couldn't be definitive with my choice due to fearing I'd chosen the wrong path.

I still stall but hey I'm getting old & plus there are more idiots around these days

 

[Buzzerfly]

Are you pointing out that Aspies should keep hold of what they were born as...try and be less concerned with their potential place/niche in the world, and soldier on? It is very hard in this world, there are tricks and pitfalls. But I agree. Even with all the real and tangible things to fear out there, the most terrible thing for an Aspie to achieve (to me at least) is his/her success at confirming to the world. Very sad and dark times ahead when that happens.

Now, NTs are a little different. I know you weren't addressing them but since I'm here and I am one, I'll say this:
Many of those on the spectrum wonder why NTs conform, even think it's silly. Most NTs are like sheep, they need to follow something. That, coupled with the fact that they are sung to sleep mentally as children leaves them dependent on their world for guidance. Until the world changes, or something better can be trusted to guide them, their following the things in our world with Good roots can really save our souls. So conformity in itself can be okay.

But I can't think of anything more doomed than an Aspie who's found his place in the world. Even if an Aspie gets validated by the world, finds his niche, he will still be secretly invalidated and treated as less than by society until it drives him mad. Those on the spectrum were meant to be of light. Guides, Angels, whatever you want to call it. And I know you never get seen or used for what you're here for...but still, just keep your integrity.

 

[clg114]

Are you pointing out that Aspies should keep hold of what they were born as...try and be less concerned with their potential place/niche in the world, and soldier on? It is very hard in this world, there are tricks and pitfalls. But I agree. Even with all the real and tangible things to fear out there, the most terrible thing for an Aspie to achieve (to me at least) is his/her success at confirming to the world. Very sad and dark times ahead when that happens.

Now, NTs are a little different. I know you weren't addressing them but since I'm here and I am one, I'll say this:
Many of those on the spectrum wonder why NTs conform, even think it's silly. Most NTs are like sheep, they need to follow something. That, coupled with the fact that they are sung to sleep mentally as children leaves them dependent on their world for guidance. Until the world changes, or something better can be trusted to guide them, their following the things in our world with Good roots can really save our souls. So conformity in itself can be okay.

But I can't think of anything more doomed than an Aspie who's found his place in the world. Even if an Aspie gets validated by the world, finds his niche, he will still be secretly invalidated and treated as less than by society until it drives him mad. Those on the spectrum were meant to be of light. Guides, Angels, whatever you want to call it. And I know you never get seen or used for what you're here for...but still, just keep your integrity.

You said that Aspies will be secretly invalidated and treated as less by society until it drives him mad. You also said that Aspies never get seen or used for what you are here for. Sadly, this is the case for a lot of Aspies. But it does not have to be that way. I am a big believer in the fact that your life will be what you make of it. This holds true for everyone, Aspie or NT.

I am a diagnosed Aspie. This did cause me problems in my teens and early twenties. I did not take long to come to a couple conclusions. I liked my Aspie ways better than society's ways and whatever became of my life was up to me. I would like to say that I worked hard, but that is not really true. I always worked with my special interest and I almost always worked alone. For a Aspie, that is not very hard. Before long, the NTs were seeking me out because I could do things that they could not. Having confidence in myself also helped me with my personal life. I am married, have five kids, eleven grand-kids and two great grand-kids.

The point is, how your life turns out is up to you. It is true that Aspies have some disadvantages. Aspies also have some advantages and they should use those advantages to help them along. Like Nike says, "Just Do It".

 

[WereBear]

I also believe the crushing demands of conformity are behind most, if not all, of Aspie neurosis.

In my case, it was constant demands to wear uncomfortable clothing, do boring things, and crush my brain into a shoebox when it wanted to run wild and free!

As autism support shifts from "making them act normal" to "letting them be themselves" there are amazing turn-arounds.

 

[Buzzerfly]

You said that Aspies will be secretly invalidated and treated as less by society until it drives him mad. You also said that Aspies never get seen or used for what you are here for. Sadly, this is the case for a lot of Aspies. But it does not have to be that way. I am a big believer in the fact that your life will be what you make of it. This holds true for everyone, Aspie or NT.

I am a diagnosed Aspie. This did cause me problems in my teens and early twenties. I did not take long to come to a couple conclusions. I liked my Aspie ways better than society's ways and whatever became of my life was up to me. I would like to say that I worked hard, but that is not really true. I always worked with my special interest and I almost always worked alone. For a Aspie, that is not very hard. Before long, the NTs were seeking me out because I could do things that they could not. Having confidence in myself also helped me with my personal life. I am married, have five kids, eleven grand-kids and two great grand-kids.

The point is, how your life turns out is up to you. It is true that Aspies have some disadvantages. Aspies also have some advantages and they should use those advantages to help them along. Like Nike says, "Just Do It".

I like what you said. Some Aspies, like you, have a role inside the NT world, two examples being: as a liaison between NTs and autistics (while simultaneously growing a family in your case). Or, putting up feedback that the world in its current state sucks (like those who spend most of their lives in group homes or even mental wards etc).

There is just a certain type of "selling out" that I think some Aspies get trapped in. When such a person envies the world so much, that he blinds himself to the evil in it and wants nothing more than to just to have his rightful place in it, and when that happens, life seems really sad. And scary.

 

[Buzzerfly]

I like what you said. Some Aspies, like you, have a role inside the NT world, two examples being: as a liaison between NTs and autistics (while simultaneously growing a family in your case). Or, putting up feedback that the world in its current state sucks (like those who spend most of their lives in group homes or even mental wards etc).

There is just a certain type of "selling out" that I think some Aspies get trapped in. When such a person envies the world so much, that he blinds himself to the evil in it and wants nothing more than to just to have his rightful place in it, and when that happens, life seems really sad. And scary.

Simply put: when someone's meant to be the light of the world, and he/she has been beaten or pushed into hating that about what they are. Yhey start defending the thing that torments them, strangely sometimes even stronger than NTs do. It's devestating, because those Aspies are so unreachable. It's like something potentially pretty is trapped in some limbo between autistic and NT. Where he can't be either...argh hard to put words on it.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Simply put: when someone's meant to be the light of the world, and he/she has been beaten or pushed into hating that about what they are. Yhey start defending the thing that torments them, strangely sometimes even stronger than NTs do. It's devestating, because those Aspies are so unreachable. It's like something potentially pretty is trapped in some limbo between autistic and NT. Where he can't be either...argh hard to put words on it.

I'm the light in my house and I usually leave the lights on in my house.

No matter how dark the world gets, I know the lights are always on somewhere.