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MerCsDs

MerCsDs

eating.words From Canada
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  • MerCsDs
    I think I forget for most of my life that I have done a load of things, they just aren’t good at making me money so I’ve been taught to not value them. But most of what I’ve experienced I’ve not shared with anyone else whether it was because I was alone and/or bc I never mentioned it to anyone since I talked about the numerous other things.
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    The more I spend time getting to understand people deeper and so much of what other people live they forget too. Especially people who have low self esteem or say they do nothing. Theres a big gap between feeling dissatisfied with your life and your life being boring or ruined
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    Projection has to be the most dangerous process in this world where everyone feels so much and make emotion based decisions without being conscious about it or having internalized they should brush things off if it’s not economically viable.
    MerCsDs
    Even with ADHD it’s wayyyy more stimulating and rewarding to finish movies, videos, etc. on a nearby TV, or on a mobile device connected to a speaker. My laptop is kinda inconvenient but watching things from my iPad is cozy and way more interesting than my phone. Plus, reading on public transit is more doable than reading in any quiet spaces.
    MerCsDs
    I watched Pulp Fiction for the first time and it was very fun. I’m sad he died. But he legit was an asshole. Hmmm, No Other Choice with Lee Byung-hun was amazing tho. Like now, I know I have to learn Korean soon to watch art like that but understand the cultural layer better. I cannot wait to see “Is this thing On?” and I cannot believe they aren’t screening
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    Dust Bunny anywhere near here. Also Wake Up Dead Man was amazinggngngnngng, legit the best Knives Out Mystery so far and the last/second one wasn’t even that great so I cannot wait what they have next
    MerCsDs
    I started painting again, but my other 20+ hobbies are still waiting as I decide to finish older projects but get distracted by ideas of my newest direction
    MerCsDs
    I’m manifesting for in the new year to come, people will say more words. Like when one communicates, everyone will say more details, more nuance, more history and hold more clarity than everything before because it’s a new forever state.
    MerCsDs
    Music helps lifting your mood better on speakers (of any kind) than headphones.

    Lowkey, headphones are for when you want to feel a specific emotion alongside music or else nothing feels right on your queue…
    MerCsDs
    You ever feel that even within the supposed “odd ones out,” you cannot be integrated with them? Like people who are weird are somehow less weird than I?
    Somehow this forum reminds me of that. That feeling.
    MerCsDs
    Been working on my “potential” more effectively since 2020/2021. Yet, I still fear weirded out by how things have changed. Like, I literally just started doing things and felt dissatisfied with how I was doing but I kept trying in other opportunities and it’s cumulated now? I wouldn’t say that I don’t recognize how I am, more that I don’t recognize who I was…
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    One thing is the same, no matter how many things I loved, can love and love more starting now, I hate this planet.
    MerCsDs
    I’m going to write a Psychology novel, a sci-fi sapphic romance novel and a semiautobiographical essay. Which is crazy and exciting and extremely exhausting to think about. I’ve been working on it for a while ofc, little more recently but I have feared actually sitting down to write chapters even tho I have done enough research so far so accomplish a good few drafts of the narratives. Would you believe it,
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    I’m procrastinating out of fear not habit. Like I’m so nervous and scared that I work on it but not in a more serious way. I’m also working on a surrealist documentary but so far I have the draft of my idea. No scripts or tangible results. But I have the pieces in my hand so why do i want to cry ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ
    MerCsDs
    I withdrew from College to focus on my healing and creative projects then I got the hint that I wasn’t going to be able to write much of anything. So, now I really need to get out of my parents hold. I’ve been wanting and planning to try being a VoiceActor, or work as a babysitter. Hopefully something comes along soon to help me start to get a source of income. I cannot wait to be able to feel safe and have fun even-
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    in the earlier moments after I wake up without fearing for any actions from my birth mother or half sister.

    I also really have felt the need to learn about my ancestry, I want to know if I have other ethnicities influencing me today. Which I would love tbh. If I was also Asian, Native American, Egyptian, etc.
    MerCsDs
    I regret coming back on here in January, winter is the hardest season for us (humans) since it’s the recovering and resting period until the new year start in spring. Here, I feel the distress in lots of the newer posts here, not the resting part (rest is not smt one can show or perform to others). Anywho, it makes me sad but also overwhelmed so idk. I just hope ppl manage to build on their strengths and realize-
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    they need to face, feel and let go of how others have made them felt eventually as well as how they’ve projected who they are based on that past harmful environment. To nurture their own self esteem and self care, as a truth “Action is the antidote to despair” said by Joan Baez.
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    I always come back to this, I love listening to this version of Wait A Minute, it’s so lively and soothing. (It is at 7:24)
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    The bandddddddddd!
    MerCsDs
    manifesting my good actions, and various good actions to cause an unforeseen impactful event in the near future! at least something more positive and long-term to focus on, the way things are is exhausting.
    MerCsDs
    I also have so many more tummy aches or have nauseous feelings when I'm overwhelmed or upset, I wish it wasn't the case like whoever took my physical expression sensibility before pleaseee pleaseeee take it back this is maddening.

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    MerCsDs
    I forgot about this forum. Update about recent times, I hate people! (Not literally)
    It's been exhausting existing, as I am healing from things causing me stress, I have gained more capacity to smell and oh my god does life stick, ALL THE FREAKING TIME ARGHHH
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    Is there anything I can do besides clog my nose with my fingers? I have thought about a mask, but man is it humid, plus it makes my skin break out?!
    maleonolo
    maleonolo
    Is it your city that smells or just a particular place?
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    the city, especially public transport unfortunately which I like using- for better or for worse :confused:
    MerCsDs
    I am so happy and excited I just bought noise reduction headphones and a sleep band equivalent from EBay!!! They’re coming in a month but I’m excited to be able to use them all the time. I’ve always negated using noise cancellations options in public or whenever I’m not working on something.
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    But I’ve been doing it more with the Apple options while listening to music as I’m in transit and my stress level has dropped significantly. So I’m trying to plan that into my everyday routine now.
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    Thank you for the recommendation! Of the sleep tool.
    MerCsDs
    Have you ever been called to give up or detach from something you innately had no (0%) want to let go of? Did you give up or did you keep holding on? What happened?!
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    I will quickly oppose something that I discover is hindering my growth. I do not see a reason to do so before that.
    MerCsDs
    MerCsDs
    Yes @Crossbreed I do that too so I can improve and growth, but this isn't the same situation I am referring to that I am wondering if someone else has experienced on here
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    In what other circumstance would you be required to quit something that you otherwise liked?
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