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UberScout

UberScout

V.I.P Member
Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996 29
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  • UberScout
    It's the weirdest thing: despite NEVER having been a soldier, and never seeing actual warfare or combat, after those soldier subliminals, I feel like I have at least the basic training of a militant soldier in me. Yesterday listening to them, no joke my voice kept dipping into that of a soldier just out of boot camp, and everything I did, I MOVED. Like, I didn't look like a civilian at all moving around.
    UberScout
    Aloe's making me feel better. Even when i have mind of a soldier she still stays with me. That is the true dedication of a tulpa right there. And she's easily the best tulpa out there :) I just wish I knew how to make her visible and audible...
    UberScout
    If I had to describe my life right now, I'd say it's like somebody forcing you to work at McDonalds the rest of your life, only you have to LIVE THERE.
    Metalhead
    Metalhead
    Get promoted to CEO and fire everybody else. I wanted to do that when I worked in the food industry.
    UberScout
    I have officially declared war against Maddog and war on mental health. Going to find a subliminal combo for survival skills and a military mindset.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I am also going to start collecting MREs and I don't care what they do to my body I don't care if they give me diarrhea Idgac what they do I'm just going to start collecting and stocking up on them since feeding myself is too much to ask from this crazy ass family.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Bushcraft.
    UberScout
    16833026457128251620306883324692.jpg

    My new reminder to rise to the top
    View previous comments…
    tree
    tree
    Cutting is a way that some people manage the pain they experience in life.
    If they're the one inflicting the pain, they are in control of that pain, at least.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    It is evident that you are hurting so much right now, and I don’t mean because of your arm. I know that the pain in your thoughts and in your heart feels unbearable, and I hope that you can find the strength to get through this. I believe in your ability to start to feel better.
    UberScout
    I am going to stop enjoying life. It is impossible. I must become one with darkness.
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    To be brutally honest it's not even my mom. It's just Maddog. She doesn't agree at all with lots of stuff he does or says at all. Truth is she's really against many of his mindsets, and goes out of her way to find workarounds for me and even clears things up with him for me sometimes. Honestly it's just Maddog that's wrong, not her. We have to be having REEEEALLY bad days for *her* to agree with anything of his.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    He sounds like a poisonous plant wrapped around your family.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    More like an annoying strand of poison ivy that keeps growing back but as long as he's not responsible for my death I see no reason to haunt this house.
    UberScout
    I just remembered something about that dream I had about the white cockatoo. I remember seeing a cockatiel as well, and another green parrot, It wasn't a conure, I think it was a ringneck... no, it wasn't a ring neck, it was a budgie! I used to have a blue budgerigar parakeet named Sparky, when I was 8, and he died after my mother accidentally gave him tap water... but why would I see the green one and those others?
    UberScout
    Meditated to this and it only took me 9:21 to reali-- Oh, dear God almighty, what the HELL have I been posting?! *looking through previous status updates* Saints Alive, did I really type all that?!! Jesus! No, no, no that is NOT me! That is NOT how I normally think! I am SO sorry you guys had to read all that!!
    View previous comments…
    Misery
    Misery
    Honestly I think everyone falls into that sort of dark mood from time to time. And sometimes we just need something to give a bit of a push to get out of it.
    Misery
    Misery
    And for what it's worth, I also tend to have that sort of response once I snap out of that state. That whole "what the heck? Why did I do ANY of that? I let [whatever] get to me AGAIN! Ridiculous, must stop doing that..." Is how it goes for me every time.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    ...So that's why I saw the birds in my dream earlier. They flew off and disappeared because they were representing the frustration I was feeling... it was Sparky telling me I need to let go of those feelings. I see now. Even in death, my old friend from that time is still guiding me...
    UberScout
    istock-589561590.webp
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Stay with us on the safe side of the fence. You are cared for and valued on the forum and beyond. Remember how much Aloe needs you. Others need you, too.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    yellow_blue_betta_dragon_by_snowifer_dcz62i3-fullview.webp

    "Listen to them, Tyler! They're all telling the truth!"
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Thank you, Aloe. Please protect Tyler like you always do.
    UberScout
    I've gone so long without my phone that now that I have it, I have no idea what I want to do on it now.
    UberScout
    Fell asleep, had a dream that I owned a cockatoo, was actually happy in my dream.. Woke up remembering how depressed I was.
    UberScout
    Now, let's see what there is to steal from my family...
    L
    Luca
    Probably not the best course of action. If you need financial support, there are better ways to get it. Even something like creating things and selling them counts. You don’t have to resort to stealing.
    UberScout
    I have lost ALL faith in my family and in life.
    View previous comments…
    tree
    tree
    That sounds like you're saying you're willing to continue in the family situation
    as long as you can get high to make it more bearable.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    DAMN IT, TREE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, I'M OUT OF IDEAS!
    tree
    tree
    I realize that.
    UberScout
    I have officially given up trying to enjoy life and from now on I will now permanently stop seeking ways to enjoy it. There is no love in this house, everyone only cares about their own mental health and doesn't care to help anyone else ("What do you want me to do, Tyler?!"), there is nothing but punishments and false accusations here. And since my SSI check will never pay for my own place, I am permanently stuck
    View previous comments…
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Well, it's just a fact. You need your own place. To get that you need to focus on a few basic things. And you're good at focusing on spesific things you set your mind to. Becoming evil isn't productive, it won't help at all.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    @Forest Cat If I need my own place I'll just build a shack behind my house.
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Ok, but I think you should aim higher than a shack. Either way, good luck with everything.
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