Asperger's & Autism Forum

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Luca

For more than half of my life, I was told that I would never amount to anything and that everything I did was worthless. And people wonder why I have poor self-esteem...

Metalhead

Let us be our own parents for our own approval is worth more than that.

Gerontius

I get that too sometimes,the attitude that doing anything other than the Established Paradigm is going to make me someone they can look down on. (They meaning the townspeople.)

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Luca

It's not just my parents, other people in my life are like this too... like even though I run a business by myself, it's still "not a real job" and I get reminded constantly of how I didn't finish ("dropped out of") college... like, why do they have to even say it like that... I also get reminded often that people feel sorry for me because I'm single... I CHOSE to be single...

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Luca

I just feel like it's never going to be enough. But @Metalhead is right, I need to approve of myself too. It's just hard because for a lot of my life, the negativity and cruelty I got from everyone was a lot more consistent than anything positive or loving. To clarify, this problem didn't start with my parents, I'm adopted. They do love me but they're not affectionate.

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Luca

I respond well to positivity, affection, and affirmation. Most of which are things I'm totally lacking from people in my irl life. It would be nice if my parents congratulated me on things, or gave me a hug once in a while, or told me they loved me or that I was "good" in some way. They're not totally apathetic but they're not outwardly positive.

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Luca

This is just their personalities. They're not doing anything "bad" on purpose. I sometimes just wish they were more outwardly affectionate or celebrated accomplishments that are important to me. I tell them I accomplished something, and 5-10 seconds go by and they're done with it. Even really huge accomplishments like starting a business, buying a house, or winning something.

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Luca

Some of it is a cultural difference, they are both from Eastern European countries, and I'm Hispanic but I was born here. I know they're not hurting me intentionally but it does hurt because it's a similar reaction that my abusers and toxic friends had to everything. That's not the intent, but it's the message they're sending.

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Luca

The message they're sending is "You are not special or important and nothing you do is good enough or a big deal." That's not what they intend to say at all, but that's what it FEELS like, because that's the narrative I heard for the first half of my life and this is reinforcing it. And it contradicts some other people in my life who ARE affectionate and ARE congratulatory and do think I'm successful.

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Luca

Sometimes I type out threads I want to post about my parents and then I just backspace everything because it feels too personal and too complex. My parents are not purposely abusive, and they are not bad or mean, but they have borderline-abusive traits that they're not conscious of and it really hurts me.

Aspychata

This is sad to read. Like dammit, stop trivializing my accomplishments. Geeze mom and dad, wake up and smell the canine shxt. What you are smelling? Is the smell of success.

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Owliet

I think people focus too much on what other people do in their life but ignore the dumpster fire happening in their own. You have achieved a lot Luca, you overcome a lot of obstacles that would have otherwise prevented another person from achieving and going forward.