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UberScout

UberScout

V.I.P Member
Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996 29
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  • UberScout
    Guys... I'm not.... I'm not okay at all. I don't think I ever will be again and I don't want to put effort time or energy into trying to recover. If i do i'm just going to get blindsided by life again and i'll be right back where i started with it. It's easier on myself if I just not worry about trying to find happiness ever again. Besides I wasn't meant to have a happy life anyway.
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I'm about to let go.
    Markness
    Markness
    I second what Forest Cat is saying. I tend to feel like you do but with what my instructor told me yesterday, I am starting to see that things can get better.
    O
    Owliet
    I also agree with @Forest Cat and @Markness May be difficult to see but it does get better. We have a saying here that there is always light in the tunnel. I have that given to me whenever I go into my depression moments. It does help. But I hope that you have someone around who can support you during this time.
    UberScout
    Aloe: Last seen carrying a passed out UberScout with two dolphins on either side back to her cave, where a blue glow begins to emanate brightly once everyone's inside. She is heard speaking a chant for a healing spell.
    UberScout
    I'm probably going to end up killing myself after the day I've had. If you don't hear from me by tomorrow morning, just take solace in the fact that I will never have to experience the hell that comes with stress... Especially when someone is autistic.
    View previous comments…
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Also remember that the stuff you are smoking makes everything feel more intense. Both good and bad. It's like that for everyone who smokes it. And you need to look at your living situation and try to change it I think. Too much noise and problems where you live.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    It's complicated for him to leave, and his father does gaslight him, which creates learned helplessness, and you do feel you can't change your situation. I lived thru this myself. It took a long time for me to get to a better head space since l was so indoctrinated.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    But l agree, the smokes only cover up and help him deny. He has improved and he does get out which is important. :)
    UberScout
    Had some flower saved over, so after helping Maddog tonight I decided to take a break for a little bit and rest my mind for a bit. I already feel Aloe's presence...
    UberScout
    Woke up smiling today! Smoked a little and had some gatorade. And just like early this morning I'm still able to flourish playing cards like a magician at a middle school magic show. How did I get to be born with such awesomeness in my blood?
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    That's sounds neat. Glad you are getting out.
    UberScout
    So, I just randomly discovered that I am REALLY, like R E A L L Y good at controlling playing cards in my hand. I have a track record of accidentally causing cardsplosions at poker tables. Why am I able to handle cards like this suddenly? Am I a Rain Man?!
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    If you Google "cartomagic" you will find many tricks to practice and have fun.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Yeah....my brain is telling me I kinda have it covered.

    Because somehow I'm doing tricks that take months and/or years to learn and do properly. Like, I'm doing stuff like casino fans without having to look it up. Am I secretly an Avatar?!
    UberScout
    I just went shopping online for a book on C++ and I found one on walmart.com for $4.50!!! Learn the same programming language NASA uses to power their rockets for the same price of a Charleston Chew at the store?! Take me away, officer!
    S
    Slime_Punk
    I think I used online docs to learn Lua so it was cheaper than a stick of gum!
    Jordy
    Jordy
    @Silhouette Mirage
    Lua is fun, I learned it to program computers in a minecraft mod. You can also program for roblox and love2d with it. source engine 2 was also going to use lua, but that never released.
    UberScout
    We had a miracle happen today! Only price was energy that seemed to cause an uproar between mom and Maddog but other than that, Mom got me some SUUUUPER strong flower for me to celebrate today! (It's got actual THC :P but you ain't heard that from me :P)
    UberScout
    C++ learning is... Progressing. Slowly... And despite my family supporting my novice talent for programming, Maddog appears to have a disagreeing opinion about my ability to code. I think *somebody's* askin' for a Core War...
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Scratch that, Redcode is WAY harder than it looks.
    UberScout
    AAAAAAUUUUUÜUUUAAAAAAAAAAGGGGYYY JEEEEEEESUS CHRIST ON A FLAMING BICYCLE WILL SOMEBODY KNOCK MY PARENTS OUT THEY HAVE BEEN IN A SHOUTING MATCH ALL BLEEPING NIIIIIGHT
    UberScout
    Been listening all day to subliminals for strategizing so I can be better at wargaming but also so I can think clearly helping Maddog. He's been doing a lot better and hasn't been like his old self at all; he's being nice to me, he's sharing with me and while we have been arguing a couple times it wasn't enough to separate our bond.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Maybe he is learning to disagree like an adult and not like a tyrant. Good to hear this.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Honestly i'm surprised he actually did change! This whole time I was calling to cyberspace for advice/help i had no idea he was even working on himself at all! He hasn't even been in a manic phase since Halloween! Maybe Maddog isn't such a baddog after all :)
    UberScout
    Ez Pass was selling flower with actual THC in it today! Weird but AWESOME!! Oh crap, excuse me a sec, gotta feed the dwarves.
    UberScout
    So I have my amazon fire tv and i got it to side load an MS-DOS emulator, FreeBox, and I used an app on my phone to beam some games to it....

    There's just one little tiny problem.

    I can't remember the names of the folders the games are stored in. Except Bio Menace...
    S
    Slime_Punk
    I did the same thing on my phone to get Q-Basic up and running, lol. IIRC there's not only an easy way to navigate, but it allows you to create shortcuts that automate the whole process on your home screen. It's somewhere within the settings
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Yo you using qbasic too?!
    UberScout
    Oh by the way i forgot to tell yall: guess what Maddog's latest punishment for me is?

    He's forcing me to stay in my room. I'm not allowed outside of my room anymore. I asked him so what is it for the rest of my life now? His response: "Until I say so".

    That was the straw that broke the camels back. I am now convinced that Earth is a prison planet and life has nothing good at all to it. I am planting the white flag
    tree
    tree
    This isn't even an original punishment.
    He's said that previously.
    Then he realizes eventually he wants your labor for something or
    wants a dope-smoking buddy or someone that will play a game
    with him, and he rescinds his order.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I have no idea how that man processes thought anymore. Sometimes I wonder if he even thinks at all.
    UberScout
    Q: What does hell actually look like?
    A: That's easy. Just get out of bed.
    Outdated
    Outdated
    Beam me up Scotty, there is no gravity here. This place just sucks. :)
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