We clarified it day of and he said it was ok. Then he withdrew
-
Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.
Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:- Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
- Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
- Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
- Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral
Asperger's & Autism Forum
Anxiously waiting
Anxiously waiting
I wrote a blog post about the situation
Raggamuffin
You've created a blog, but not a blog entry. Your entry has gone into the Blog Description. I made a similar mistake the first time I tried making a blog on here.
Raggamuffin
I'll reply with what I wrote for a blog reply, but as I'm limited to words on this section, it'll have to be piecemeal.
Raggamuffin
I'd say him replying "ha ha" definitely wasn't an invitation to come over. Someone inviting themselves over can feel like an invasion of privacy. Although him rattling off "what if's" isn't really necessary seeing as none of those were the case.
Raggamuffin
Wanting to cry when he said "I didn't say come over" and freaking out when he asks for your address would suggest perhaps you need to consider looking into tackling your anxiety etc.
Raggamuffin
A recent relationship ended for me because my anxiety and co-dependency was extremely unhealthy.
Asking how ND men deal with being caught off guard isn't really relative - we all deal with things differently. Autism is a spectrum, and whilst there might be similar behaviours, it's never an absolute.
Asking how ND men deal with being caught off guard isn't really relative - we all deal with things differently. Autism is a spectrum, and whilst there might be similar behaviours, it's never an absolute.
Raggamuffin
Personally, I've encountered people inviting themselves over to mine and turning up unannounced, and it really depends on the person as to how I react. But I personally don't enjoy it.
Raggamuffin
Also, a bit of a red flag in my opinion that he mocks and berrates you, but says it's a sign of friendship/being close. I know some people claim it's just "banter" or some such. But comedy doesn't have to be cruel, especially if it's towards someone you care about.
Anxiously waiting
No it’s not cruel.. and he doesn’t berate. He’s just sarcastic.
Raggamuffin
Sorry, my mistake. When you said in your blog that he picks on you - I assumed that to mean berating someone, which I view as cruel.
Anxiously waiting
Oh no. It’s very playful banter and back and forth. No ill will. He’s actually very thoughtful and observant when it comes to me.
Raggamuffin
You'll just have to voice your concerns so that he can fill in any blanks that might be causing you anxiety. I will say though - anxiety will find new things to concoct. I find that my anxiety gets a lot worse when I date. Effectively doubles my worries. I worry about all my detritus, and then invent a whole new set of worries/what if's regarding the person I'm dating. It's exhausting.
Anxiously waiting
I’m on Zoloft and in therapy.. have been for 2 years. This relationship has triggered me
Anxiously waiting
Very much so. He’s not making himself really open to communication. I sent him my address this morning in a text and said that I am here when he’s ready to talk and it’s all love over here.
Anxiously waiting
I don’t want to be pushy or harass him.
Raggamuffin
Lack of communication is what ended it with me and Meg. I blogged about the whole relationship in my blog on here. Lack of communication ramped up my anxiety. I felt like I was perpetually waiting for her. Waiting for her to reply, waiting for her to be free to meet up. Waiting waiting waiting. It made me ill with worry.
Raggamuffin
Not sure about you - but my worries and anxieties have been the same in every relationship. So I need to go back to therapy. Supposedly my last one thought it was unresolved trauma. Emotionally unavailable parents that has led to unhealthy emotional attachment and abandonment issues. Every relationship - the same worries, the same anxieties. Eventually it pushed them away.
Anxiously waiting
I can relate! I have anxious attachment style. The only long term relationship I had that kinda worked was with someone with the same style.
Raggamuffin
Anxiety is relentless I find. I try and calm down with logic, rationalising things, taking a step back etc. But it doesn't reduce how exhausting being battered daily by anxiety and "what if's". Common co-morbidity with Autism is chronic anxiety. Best thing to do is be open in communication. Any worries, talk about them, get his perspective etc.