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UberScout

UberScout

V.I.P Member
Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996 29
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  • UberScout
    I know I was in a good mood earlier... but... I don't know. My depression has gotten extremely severe. It's starting to become agonizing. Just constant perpetual sadness everywhere. Nobody in my home is ever happy long enough. It's like the whole theme of my life is to just be one long, unnecessarily sad story.
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Telehealth therapist is all they'd give me at first; I did ask her about a day program I could get into but evidently my mother has to fill out an application for one of those. She's all about paperwork and really good at it, so I don't think she'll ignore that.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Waaaaay ahead of you.
    UberScout
    Latest punishment threat from Maddog & co.: Two weeks starvation diet. Yes, you read that correctly; Maddog threatened to deny my ability to keep my body alive if I didn't shut up.

    That's my whole life now, "shut up tyler". My parents are not at all concerned with my mental health. There is only one way to show them how bad off I am... and that means doing something I will regret deeply...
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Are you sure no police/ child protective services (for your sister)?
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Did you start getting more affirmative and started asking for what you want? Is this the issue? Starvation is considered abuse, and you can report it. Please don't consider doing anything to harm yourself or others. Please call 911, if you don't feel better.
    UberScout
    BTW I forgot to mention couple days ago, I was just in the ER for a big arse growth on my right temple, it's long been killed and under control, but what prompted hospital visit was my right eyelid SWELLING UP!! Eek! It's better now, though.
    Kisa the tea
    Kisa the tea
    That sounds really annoying and painful. I'm so sorry you went through that but I'm glad to hear it's better now!
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I had asked them while I was there to sedate me lightly because I'm autistic and hypersensitive, Maddog was kind enough to explain it all, and they actually listened! The nurse was very nice and understanding as well (read: butterfly needles DO hurt), and they gave me an IV drip of Atavan and Toredol for anxiety and pain.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Although.. there was a strange occurrence while I was going through it all. The Ativan was working, and it was VERY strong; I guess they have specially-measured-out doses for patients with autism? IDK, but I literally cannot remember the entire day past being fractionated.
    UberScout
    You ever just do a wake n bake in the morning and get so high you just feel like Speedboosting like Wario and shinesparking all over downtown?
    UberScout
    Pizza Tower PSA: Be careful if you play against the final boss of Pizza Tower wearing headphones, especially if you have been *smoking*! The soundtrack, as awesome as it is, around phase 2 of the fight (pizzahead runs back and forth summoning Toppins) contains sine waves that oscillate very fast and may cause confusion wearing headphones!
    UberScout
    Mad Rat Dead's Mad Heart OST is now stuck in my head and it refuses to leave, and I do NOT want it to! That's my new "heart on fire mode" music :)
    UberScout
    Mad Rat Dead on PS store: $19.99. Beating Mad Heart's boss battle on hardest difficulty while THIS
    plays in the background: F[BLEEP]ING PRICELESS.
    UberScout
    Day 1 of Bushcraft practice. Claimed a medium sized area in backyard while outside with little sister, made it my "Sensory camp" doubling as both a sensory relief area for coming down from anxiety and a camp with a station equipped with a mess kit which I will obtain soon, to make medicinal teas, poultice and cook meals for the family from. (I have done necessary research!)
    UberScout
    AND I AM ONE MORE STEP FROM STABBING THE POOR [BLEEP]
    tree
    tree
    Another one of those days.

    How would stabbing correct the situation?
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Hey you, PM if needed. Please call 911 if you feel threatened or somebody else is being threatened. You can't take on Maddog by yourself.
    UberScout
    I AM ABOUT TO JUST WALK OUT THAT FRONT DOOR WITH NOTHING BUT THE CLOTHES ON MY BACK AND NOT EVEN GO ANYWHERE JUST GOING TO WALK FORWARD UNTIL SOMRTHING STOPS ME OR KILLS ME

    ***ANY*** FORM OF EXISTENCE AT ALL IS MILES BETTER THAN THIS COCKAMAMEY CRAP I HAVE TO TOLERATE EVERY DAY
    Misery
    Misery
    Honestly I wish there was something I could do to help you... I'm sorry you're having to go through this stuff all the time.
    UberScout
    Oh God. Guys. I think I cast a sickness spell on Charles last night. I was so mad at him while everyone was asleep and calming down, I just remember hearing him moan and croak at some sickly feeling he had while in the bathroom. I remember hearing myself say to myself "That's right, you think about all you've done to us while you're sick on the couch, you HEATHEN!"

    He hasn't even gotten up to go to the bathroom.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    He brought his sickly feelings on himself. You didn’t do this. You just noticed two different things.
    1. He was being horrible.
    2. He is feeling sick.
    Neither one is your fault.
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    You have mentioned several times before that he has been sick, the guy seems to have bad health. All he seems to do it smoke weed, play videogames and yell at people so it's not surprising. Him being sick has nothing to do with you.
    UberScout
    Beginning of today literally started with DR PEPPER CANS IN OUR FRIDGE. I took ONE OUT and they all just rolled out one by one. Had to put them in the door.

    I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE BAD DAY STREAKS. I'M TAKING IT INTO MY OWN HANDS; I AM ***GOING*** TO HAVE A GOOD DAY **TODAY** IF I HAVE TO KILL SOMEONE'S CHICKEN.
    UberScout
    Whole family has not stopped fighting since the end of January. Sanity destroyed. Thinking about looking for a suicide cult to join.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    What happen? I thought MadDog sobered up and was on new meds?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    He's sober, definitely. Meds are good too. We think he's going through a midlife crisis, but... heh.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Okay. Just as long as you feel safe.
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