Asperger's & Autism Forum

Mr. Stevens

What would your four-legged friends say?

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Luca

I know animals love me, but people usually don’t, and I kind of feel like that’s my fault.

Mr. Stevens

That is a tough feeling. Sometimes I get similar feedback from people. I try to look at their behavior (and mine) to see if they're really right, or just find it easier to criticize me.

Kisa the tea

I understand what you mean. I feel that way a lot too, sometimes. In my opinion though, you are an amazing person and I can't see why any sane person wouldn't like you! You're fun, kind, helpful and overall a good person.

Rodafina

What evidence do you have against yourself?

I am fully confident that we will not be able to provide any evidence suggesting you are bad, mean, or selfish.

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Luca

The evidence I have is that a lot of people in my life dislike me, or find me annoying or difficult, and that I frequently misunderstand things and miscommunicate which makes people mad at me. I also have social anxiety which makes friendships really hard because I’m often afraid to text or call people, so they feel like I’m being selfish or ignoring them.

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Luca

I also talk about things with friends that probably only belong in a therapy session, and that pushes people away or they think I just want attention.

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Luca

And I’m too blunt and direct. I frequently say things that sound really abrasive or that people tell me are not very nice things to say, when I honestly didn’t mean them to be offensive.

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Luca

People who have been close to me have also said their lives would be easier and less stressful without me.

Mr. Stevens

^ Their saying that sounds very blunt and abrasive to me. It sounds like they don't live up to their own standards.

Rodafina

Counter argument to your evidence (in friendliness)

Misunderstanding and miscommunicating do not make you bad, mean, or selfish. I am like that too, but I doubt you would say that it makes me bad, mean, and selfish.

Having social anxiety and trouble reciprocating peoples need for attention and communication also does not make you bad, mean, or selfish. It makes things harder, but it does not make you a bad person.

Rodafina

If you are too blunt or abrasive, that certainly is something to be aware of, but you made it clear that your intentions were not to hurt, and often, here on the forum, you own your comments and try to make amends afterward. This also does not make you bad, mean, or selfish.

Rodafina

If people are “close to you“ and saying things like their lives would be easier without you, they are not really that close. Other people being horrible to you does not reflect on your character, but theirs.

Rodafina

Oversharing with friends is an understandable problem that many of us have, but again, it does not make you bad, mean, or selfish. Finding ways to meet your needs in a world that is difficult to navigate when people who were supposed to protect you gave you a terrible start in the world does not make you selfish.

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Luca

Thank you for your insight. I did not find that harsh or anything at all. It was nice to hear a different perspective.
And I think you’re right that it is often them who are being unkind. I’m never intentionally unkind, just sometimes kind of direct, and like you said I do own up to it. I just wish making friends irl wasn’t so complicated.
Thank you <3

Rodafina

I understand. I agree.

You’re a star and I wish for happiness, kindness and joy for you.