It is better to talk this things, maybe even in a topic in this forum, to think them through properly and not making any decisions motivated by moments of despair, for these, while long they always come to stop.
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Autism Forums
Trophonius
UberScout
Thank you, friend, for your support, but this is one moment of despair that doesn't look like it's going to stop. I just don't have that kind of luck anymore.