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Recent content by yogabanana

  1. Y

    Is it very difficult to acknowledge the validity of an alternative perspective when someone points out you aren't doing it?

    What is emotional alchemy?
  2. Y

    Is it very difficult to acknowledge the validity of an alternative perspective when someone points out you aren't doing it?

    Yep that tracks. But perspective taking is also a skill you can learn. I don't expect him to become neurotypical but I do expect him to pause, remember that I NEED this, and try. We are working on a new plan where I express a frustration or need and remind him to say NOTHING for at least 20...
  3. Y

    Is it very difficult to acknowledge the validity of an alternative perspective when someone points out you aren't doing it?

    Yes this tracks and is helpful. He is triggered if I say something hurt me that he believes shouldn't. He has a hard time understanding we operate from a different context. I agree that perspective taking is hard for people generally. I think his issue is a combination of what you are...
  4. Y

    Is it very difficult to acknowledge the validity of an alternative perspective when someone points out you aren't doing it?

    I want to read any feedback on this topic. As I'm more of an emotionally oriented autistic, my feelings about this situation fluctuate. Knowledge, context, lived experience is all helpful in shaping my big picture understanding.
  5. Y

    Is it very difficult to acknowledge the validity of an alternative perspective when someone points out you aren't doing it?

    In case it matters, we are both autistic. But he is also alexithymic and obviously I am not. (Except with sex? For some weird reason I won't know my actions are from missing sex until after we do it and then I'm like oh so that's why I was acting that way). So I am autistic with emotional...
  6. Y

    Is it very difficult to acknowledge the validity of an alternative perspective when someone points out you aren't doing it?

    I don't know how to give up more of my emotional needs than I already have. So I need SOME "emotion-centric" conversations. And if what I am upset about has an emotional component then I need my partner to accept that as a valid reality despite it being foreign to him. One can have curiosity...
  7. Y

    Is it very difficult to acknowledge the validity of an alternative perspective when someone points out you aren't doing it?

    Trying to wrap my mind around where my partner's autism stops and other issues begin. He is chronically invalidating and dismissive, and usually wants to focus on the facts of a specific incident. He says I complain too much but he responds so poorly when I complain, that things upsetting me do...
  8. Y

    Acts of service without emotional repair after mocking me

    I agree most people don't say the stuff under their armored behavior. It's not necessarily an autistic thing. I married him in a garden with a minister wearing a thrift store dress and Sketchers. I don't think that is how you meant your question though.
  9. Y

    Acts of service without emotional repair after mocking me

    He mocks me because he doesn't know how to use his words to say things like, "I'm trying my best to give you what you ask for and I'm really frustrated that my effort isn't working and I'm too scared to feel the inadequacy that makes me feel so I need to make it your fault." He gets angry but...
  10. Y

    Acts of service without emotional repair after mocking me

    Husband and I are both autistic. I'm not alexithymic but he is. I'm an emotional person. Words of affirmation, quality time and touch are my love languages. He shows love through gifts and acts of service. He hurt me very badly yesterday. He mocked my deepest, most vulnerable emotional needs...
  11. Y

    Communication help for double autistic marriage

    He might be open to that even if the target audience is children. He is usually down for almost anything. Not a lot of husband's would say yeah I'll use that "after a fight" worksheet with you and identify my feelings and needs. Gotta give him credit for being open to trying stuff.
  12. Y

    Communication help for double autistic marriage

    We used a worksheet from evidence based couples therapy yesterday that made things mostly better. I still have a hard time with how he is framing my autism. We had to end discussing what each person can do to make this type of issue better and his answer was basically never perseverate again...
  13. Y

    Communication help for double autistic marriage

    So tell me an example of a situation where a relationship issue is better handled approaching it objectively? The evidence based models of couples therapy would not agree with that. That tends to lead one person to think their version of the facts is correct while the other has the facts wrong...
  14. Y

    Communication help for double autistic marriage

    The unfair bit is him assuming I'm picking a fight because I try to discuss something and he lacks the skills to do so without turning it into a fight. He skips the part he is responsible for and decides if I start a conversation and it results in an argument it must be my fault. That's not...
  15. Y

    Communication help for double autistic marriage

    Thank you. We have been through much worse but when cycles flare up and start becoming more frequent I get frustrated and remember that I can only do so much, and he has to do the rest, and I get stuck figuring out how to get him to see that part.
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