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Recent content by Aenea

  1. A

    At wit's end...

    As I explained before, I went to see the notary to get a quote for the legal paperwork to buy him out. It was hefty but managable. I put together a financial plan to be able to keep the house, and drafted an separation agreement. With every breakup I shoved the paperwork under his nose. At first...
  2. A

    At wit's end...

    Hi everyone, I wanted to share with you that he left yesterday - for good. He signed over his share of the house, he took his belongings and handed over the keys. I spare you the long journey that started on July 6, and only ended yesterday. I want to thank you for your kind advice and...
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    At wit's end...

    Hi Ylva! I see what you mean! I will try that tonight!
  4. A

    At wit's end...

    Hi Rectify, I am almost glad you have been there too. The nagging doubt, the desire to be a good wife/person and somehow always flipping his switch. "Maybe if I do this, he will be happy and finally start pulling his weight in the relationship". Losing your sense of self in the progress. I had...
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    At wit's end...

    I took that advice in the past, and it has been a recipe for escalation and disaster.
  6. A

    At wit's end...

    He ripped the neon-color-assorted post-its of the bathroom mirror when I tried that. He said I mocked him. And I don't have a reasonable-lawyer voice in a relationship. Then there are two of us who are confused :-) I don't "get" his doctors. Birds of a feather....
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    At wit's end...

    I do believe there can be bad vibes between people. I usually pick up fairly quickly on it. Maybe that is the reason why my ex was who he was. He had to be really good at covering it all up to trick me into it. A couple of years ago I have come up with this theory that a relationship is like a...
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    At wit's end...

    This may be the best line of advice/"way to think about this" I have gotten so far.
  9. A

    At wit's end...

    Stupid me set the deadline to the end of the mortgage. 23 years to go. I have tried making lists, flashcards, structured schedules, online calendars, two different task management applications. NOTHING WORKED. He says he forgets to watch the app/list/calendar/whatever I come up with (again the...
  10. A

    At wit's end...

    I have told him many times that the relationship needed to change or that we had to break up. That I would not tolerate his abuse. He gets angry and blows up, leaves, calms down, comes back and acts like nothing happened. I feel like the choice is not even mine: he decides to leave and to come...
  11. A

    At wit's end...

    There is always the fear that it just might be true, that it is me. And not some stroke of REALLY bad luck because I just HAPPENED to have abusive parents and an abusive ex-husband. My ex-husband remarried by the way, I am friends with his new wife. She says he is the sweetest guy ever. Either...
  12. A

    At wit's end...

    Respectfully: my lawyer strongly advised against changing the locks. I deadbolted the door one time. He tried to kick it in, then called the police. I was told both by the police and him not to bolt the door again (the former because they would file a complaint against me for blocking him from...
  13. A

    At wit's end...

    This community is the only "antidote" I have at the moment. Talking to "certified" Aspies makes me see his behaviour is not related to being an Aspie (or having ADD), but is either BPD or good oldfashioned asshole-ness.
  14. A

    At wit's end...

    Hi Judge, you do have the advantage of no attachment. To an outsider, it is really that black and white. To somebody on the inside, leaving is mixed up with feelings of failure and anger at oneself. I am going to steal your plane analogy. I have tried to hard to get this plane in the air, I...
  15. A

    At wit's end...

    This is not about salvaging a relationship. This is about saving my sense of self, my sanity, protecting my dogs and hopefully not lose everything I worked so hard for (I do hate it when I have to end a sentence with a preposition). As for the locking out: we are in what could be called a...
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