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You're only like this because......

Alan tm

Well-Known Member
I've had people say to me , your only like that because you didn't grow up with
Friends . You're only like that because you kept to yourself .

It's really annoying to me because ,I'm only like I am, because I am like I am.

What do you do when people think its a quick fix or because of an event .
 
Personally, I ignore them. The only people I take any real notice of are those I know and like, and by the very fact they are in my circle of friends, they don't judge that way.

By extrapolation therefore, anyone who would judge that way is not important enough to me for their opinion to matter in the slightest.
 
There are always people quick to judge you in any way. Invalidating your experiences, pushing your buttons. Try to ignore them. These people are not worth getting upset over.
 
If I were to encounter such a scenario, I'd say something wildly inappropriate, rife
with innuendo. Then again, I am prone to making things worse.
 
Keeping to yourself isn't always a bad thing. It's a survival mechanism for many of us. Having friends and opening up aren't bad things either, but they're not end goals.
 
When I was younger I would have friends say that I must have been dropped on my head as a baby, they joke but i used to think maybe I was dropped.....
Or “Maybe you would make friends if you would stop looking at your feet all the time”
“You spend too much time reading!”
 
What do you do when people think its a quick fix or because of an event .

It depends on who they are, what impact (if any) they have on my life, and what it is that they say to me.

Autism and ADHD are such complicated things, and there is such a gulf between the reality and the simplistic, ridiculous things that ignorant people say.....add in the not-unlikely closed-mindedness of people who say such things.....most of the time I don't even know where to begin or what to say, let alone the words to say any of it....

So most of the time I say nothing, or say something like "You're wrong", or maybe just shake my head and smile or laugh..... I might also walk away....After that, I just try to let it go.
 
I agree with @AO1501. End the conversation, change the subject, or move on. If someone takes an attitude like that, there’s not much you can do at the moment to convince them.

In our first few years of marriage, my wife said I don’t recognize people because I don’t want to. I don’t know when her attitude changed, but she got it. She apologizes for me, explaining to others that I have trouble recognizing people and that they shouldn’t be offended.

I think most people come at these issues with the attitude that, “It’s easy for me to do X, so why can’t everyone do X easily?” It takes a little exposure and some time actively spent trying to understand others’ perspectives to get the idea that everyone has different abilities and different difficulties.
 
I've had this a lot in my life, and it's the main reason that I wasn't diagnosed until later in life. If what they say is fair comment, then I say so. If what they say is wrong, then I dispute it, because I can't ignore someone saying something that is wrong - though I haven't disclosed my diagnosis to anyone except close family members. If the person making judgements/comments is someone who doesn't know me well, then I ignore them or I might tell them that they don't know me so have no business to judge or pass comment.
 
I had this the other way around, when I disclosed my diagnosis to my mom she went through a phase where she was blaming herself for my autism as if she somehow caused it. I think it’s a common response for parents.
 
my parents didn't believe me when i said i was depressed
they literally think that (IM QUOTING!!) "mental or psychological illnesses don't exist, they are were made up by Capitalism, you need to get your act together or get out of this house"

so yeah
things went this way:
i left house when i was 18, and got diagnosed with Aspergers - but i didn't tell them, i know they wouldn't ever believe

when i sense that someone is being mean to me, i ignore and don't take in my that person

unfortunately people aren't always as understanding and open minded as we wish them to be...

good luck! stay strong!
 
Keeping to yourself isn't always a bad thing. It's a survival mechanism for many of us. Having friends and opening up aren't bad things either, but they're not end goals.

Truth. I think being too dependent on other people would weaken me as a person, and to some degree has weakened me.

Preferably, I'd like a support system of empathetic friends and family, but I've never really had that, so I won't hold my breath. Realistically, I'm better off being left to my devices and leaving other people to theirs.
 
Nobody likes useless criticism. Some people, NTs mostly, see the world as a popularity contest. They use their superficial attributes to convince themselves that they matter more than others. A lot of people are ignorant of what it is to be on the spectrum, so they pounce on the elements that stand out as "not like everyone else". These people follow like sheep. From their position of superiority, they feel they are doing you a kind favor by pointing our your flaws so that you can be more like them. Never fall for that. It's arrogant and grossly egotistical. Acceptance has always been an issue for those with ASD. Save your energy for people who are deserving of your kindness and friendship. We, too, focus too much on our negative traits because that is our battlefield. We are battle-hardened, so you should feel free to respond to this kind of criticism any way you see fit.
 
“It’s easy for me to do X, so why can’t everyone do X easily?”
I've seen that before and have done it back in the other direction, too...
full
 
When I told my father I was aspie, hoping to have some conversation about it, he looked at me like I wasn't there and changed the subject.

Recently, with no provocation, and during a telephone conversation in which he should have been apologizing for something anyway, he suddenly tore into me, calling me a loser and a quitter and all sorts of nasty things. This, of course, triggered my PTSD... all the years of my life he was abusive and called me worthless et al...

So, what did I do? I told him I wasn't available for his abuse and hung up. I also did not pick up the phone when he tried to call back.

While it's true that he still has the power to hurt me when I'm off-guard, I have limits and boundaries in place. If someone can't speak respectfully to me, I have no more time for them. No matter who they are.
 

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