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You're different, not disabled

TheNomadicAspie

Active Member
I see so many people here speaking negatively about themselves. Being depressed and acting as though Asperger's is a curse. Yet the main reason I see for people feeling this way isn't because they are in physical pain, or because something horrible has happened in their life, but because they are unable to fit in.

I look at being neurotypical or neurodiverse the same way as I look at being a man or woman, American or Australian, black or white. There's nothing wrong with being different, and just as a French person can never be Japanese, a neurodiverse person can never be neurotypical.

That's ok. There is a huge pressure within society to "fit in" with other people. You likely were conditioned throughout life to make it a goal to be like other people, but there's no reason to feel that way. Being different is ok. I know that it's stressful for someone who is anti-social to attract attention by standing out, but the only obstacle in the way of happiness is changing that attitude and caring less about what people think.

It's easier said than done, but as a neurodiverse person you have the logical mindset needed to do just that. Stop trying to be someone else and embrace who you are. It's ok to be stressed, and it's ok to be sad sometimes. That said, if you stop comparing yourself to others and focus on finding what would make you happy, life will get so much better.

If you don't know what would make you happy, that's ok too. Some people discover their passions at a young age, but those priorities tend to change for everyone. The longer it takes you to realize what your priorities are, the more confident you can be that you're on the right path.

Enjoy life for what it is. I've met plenty of people, and they're not any better than you. Once you change your mindset, good things will happen. Not because of any pseudo-scientific "The Secret" nonsense but because when you focus on improving your life instead of feeling bad about what makes you different, you'll figure out for yourself what you really need.
 
Yet the main reason I see for people feeling this way isn't because they are in physical pain, or because something horrible has happened in their life, but because they are unable to fit in.

This whole time I was assuming that it was because bad things happened that were believed to have been caused by autism, such as bullying. Have people been saying this, that it was because they can't fit in? And I just haven't noticed? :confused::eek:
 
I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. By no means am I disparaging the horrible bullying that neurodiverse people endure, and I was never immune to that myself.

When I was a kid I was in the principal's office almost every day. I was teased and ran from social situations, I couldn't even have a conversation with someone without running away, and I was bullied so much that the few times I did retaliate I took things too far and got in a ton of trouble.

My school life was hell, so I'm not saying that the ONLY problem Autistic people have is wanting and failing to fit in. I'm saying that if there wasn't so much pressure from society TO fit in, and if neurodiverse people were able to overcome the fear of being different, life would be a lot easier.

That's easier said than done, but in adulthood bullying becomes less of a problem, though the anxiety and fear of being seen as weird never goes away. As an adult you're less likely to face frequent physical bullying, so the next step to improving things should be to stop caring so much what others think.

Again I'm not dismissing the hardships that people with Autism face. I'm saying that if people strive to change their perspective and their priorities, the opinions of others won't matter so much.
 
First let me pint out how EXTREMELY HAPPY i am to read that you with youre multiple diagnosis (like me i also have Severe ADHD and the rest is in my profile & sig) have manged to fight and gotten were you are this day WELL DONE.

Second as you my school and prior to that actually was pretty mush like you id say (nodding head )

last WELL SPOKEN we need more like you to help others less fortunate in dealing with there Diagnosis accept and understand .And for the record personally i have NEVER felt bad in being not as everybody else ive known i wasent since i was VERY little. its the constant uphill battle and my entire body (brain included ) working against me AL the time 24 /7 i wish i dident had to deal with and for me it was just this that finally made me having to step down (if i hadent i would be either dead now or in hospital as i worked my body so close to the end both physically as well as mentally.So although im SO HAPPY for you you mustent forget that we AL have different starts in life dear and not everyone is able to as you have just get things sorted and move along in life

And to clarify NO im NOT critical & as i said its an HONER to meet you dear :) Dont let ANYONE or ANYTHING stop you in life hon :D
 
First let me pint out how EXTREMELY HAPPY i am to read that you with youre multiple diagnosis (like me i also have Severe ADHD and the rest is in my profile & sig) have manged to fight and gotten were you are this day WELL DONE.

Second as you my school and prior to that actually was pretty mush like you id say (nodding head )

last WELL SPOKEN we need more like you to help others less fortunate in dealing with there Diagnosis accept and understand .And for the record personally i have NEVER felt bad in being not as everybody else ive known i wasent since i was VERY little. its the constant uphill battle and my entire body (brain included ) working against me AL the time 24 /7 i wish i dident had to deal with and for me it was just this that finally made me having to step down (if i hadent i would be either dead now or in hospital as i worked my body so close to the end both physically as well as mentally.So although im SO HAPPY for you you mustent forget that we AL have different starts in life dear and not everyone is able to as you have just get things sorted and move along in life

And to clarify NO im NOT critical & as i said its an HONER to meet you dear :) Dont let ANYONE or ANYTHING stop you in life hon :D
Thank you so much for that nice message. I agree completely and by no means am I implying that everyone has the same challenges and start in life. Everyone has different obstacles to overcome. I only mean that BEING different is ok, regardless of why or how you're different. What it means to be different varies from person to person of course, but the challenges that we all face shape our character and who we are as people.
Just as there are countless people who do have disabilities whether mental or physical, I would argue that people who have never had obstacles to overcome throughout life have a disability as well, in the sense that they are unable to understand the plight of others.
I'm not saying that it's a good thing that people have to face the challenges that they do (And that you have no doubt faced), but the more difficulties that you encounter and the more obstacles that you overcome, the greater your ability to understand the challenges of others.
Being able to sympathize and empathize with others is a beautiful thing, although the path to get there may not be. I think it's important to focus on the positives that result from your struggles. It's an honor to meet you as well. :)
 
What more to ad ? Then (standing up and applaud) :D

And they do say that what dont kill you makes you stronger so yeah i have to admit my previous life struggles has given me the possibility to better help other broken souls out there as have al my Diagnosis's
 
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It is a generalization to say all are one thing or another and inevitably wrong. Many on the spectrum most definately have disabilities. Its not a true sample here anyway, as most are HFA.
 
Disability is not a bad word. It doesn't mean we can't do certain things at all, it's just that we find some things more challenging or need to do them in a different way.
 
Disability is not a bad word. It doesn't mean we can't do certain things at all, it's just that we find some things more challenging or need to do them in a different way.

Or that we need assistance to do them.

Sometimes disability does mean you can't do certain things at all (and others must do those things for you if they need doing), but it never means you can't do anything. And it's still not a bad word.
 
I don't believe disabled is a bad word, and I never implied that. As someone who is Autistic, I of course meant it in a literal way. : P

Disabled: having a physical or mental condition that limits movements, senses, or activities.

Of course many people who are on the spectrum do have disabilities. My point however is that Autism/Asperger's itself should not be considered one. Many people on these forums consider their inability to "fit in" with others as a limitation in life, which I don't believe it is.

It can certainly be difficult to be neurodiverse surrounded by neurotypical people, but the main difficulty is due to the stress and anxiety caused by the pressure of worrying what others think of you. By making it a goal to care less what other's think, I believe many people who are frustrated by being neurodiverse will find it's not better or worse than being like anyone else, it's just different.

Again I want to clarify that I'm not trying to disparage anyone who does have a disability on this forum, and I don't believe it to be a bad word. I simply mean that while being Autistic may mean having OCD, ADHD, Tourette's, or other developmental disorders, the actual condition of having a form of Autism should not be something that is looked at as a limitation itself.
 
I'm sorry, but I don't really agree with you. This may be true for your own experience, but this generalisation doesn't apply to us all.

I see why you and some others make these statements and agree with opinions like this, especially when they have been diagnosed with a disorder in childhood and grown up hearing of what they can't do. But naturally, those of different experiences have different perspectives.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult with anything, and Asperger Syndrome is my only diagnosis, for context.

My problems are not caused by other people. I don't stress or worry about what others think about me, and I haven't experienced bullying since I was at school. I have positive relationships with everyone in my life, more or less. I don't experience anxiety, depression, or any emotional issues.

But I used to have problems with my self-esteem. Before I was diagnosed, I blamed myself for the problems I was experiencing. I saw it as a personal failure that I was not able to communicate the same way as those around me. Finding out I had a disability that was making things genuinely harder was incredibly liberating. It allowed me to stop comparing myself to others, and focus only on the progress I am making and continuing to make. It really made a big difference to my life, and I've grown from it.

It has helped some of us to find out we have a disorder. You can read about other experiences with adult diagnosis to get a contrast to your childhood diagnosis. When you've grown up knowing you were different but not why, it really can be such a positive thing to hear that the reason is a disability, as strange as that may sound to you.

I don't have any emotional things going on anymore, but I still have problems. Look at your disability definition again - "activities". It has been, and continues to be, really difficult for me to "get myself out there". Not from fear of judgement, not from wanting to fit in, but from my own want to do things, but my difficulty communicating this. There will be others on the spectrum with different problems, such as those with executive functioning problems finding it difficult to plan things they may want to do, those with more significant sensory issues finding it difficult to participate in things they may want to do, and so on.

I hope I've at least given some insight into another way to see things, and that it was clear. Being on the autism spectrum does mean you experience problems (to be diagnosed you need to, at least), though of course you should not dwell on this as that's unhealthy. But you can see it as a disability without dwelling on being disabled. I don't let it stop me doing anything.
 
I'm sorry, but I don't really agree with you. This may be true for your own experience, but this generalisation doesn't apply to us all.

I see why you and some others make these statements and agree with opinions like this, especially when they have been diagnosed with a disorder in childhood and grown up hearing of what they can't do. But naturally, those of different experiences have different perspectives.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult with anything, and Asperger Syndrome is my only diagnosis, for context.

My problems are not caused by other people. I don't stress or worry about what others think about me, and I haven't experienced bullying since I was at school. I have positive relationships with everyone in my life, more or less. I don't experience anxiety, depression, or any emotional issues.

But I used to have problems with my self-esteem. Before I was diagnosed, I blamed myself for the problems I was experiencing. I saw it as a personal failure that I was not able to communicate the same way as those around me. Finding out I had a disability that was making things genuinely harder was incredibly liberating. It allowed me to stop comparing myself to others, and focus only on the progress I am making and continuing to make. It really made a big difference to my life, and I've grown from it.

It has helped some of us to find out we have a disorder. You can read about other experiences with adult diagnosis to get a contrast to your childhood diagnosis. When you've grown up knowing you were different but not why, it really can be such a positive thing to hear that the reason is a disability, as strange as that may sound to you.

I don't have any emotional things going on anymore, but I still have problems. Look at your disability definition again - "activities". It has been, and continues to be, really difficult for me to "get myself out there". Not from fear of judgement, not from wanting to fit in, but from my own want to do things, but my difficulty communicating this. There will be others on the spectrum with different problems, such as those with executive functioning problems finding it difficult to plan things they may want to do, those with more significant sensory issues finding it difficult to participate in things they may want to do, and so on.

I hope I've at least given some insight into another way to see things, and that it was clear. Being an the autism spectrum does mean you experience problems (to be diagnosed you need to, at least), though of course you should not dwell on this as that's unhealthy. But you can see it as a disability without dwelling on being disabled. I don't let it stop me doing anything.

I understand your perspective and I agree with you on almost everything. I noticed that you used the words disorder and disability interchangeably. ASD is certainly a disorder, I agree with that part.

My reason for saying it should not be considered a disability is that while it of course is more difficult to participate in social activities as a result of having Asperger's/Autism, the reason for that is more because of the environment than because there's "something wrong" with you. I look at having Asperger's like I would being a minority.

If you were the only black person in a city full of racist white people, that wouldn't be considered a disability but it would be very difficult to connect and communicate with others. I've felt alone for years despite managing to "hide" that fact that I had Asperger's. It took a lot of effort but I was very popular as a young adult, but it didn't make me feel less alone.

My point is that striving to be like everyone else is not worth the stress, and it won't make you feel better. Instead of hiding your condition or stressing over the fact that you're different, I think it's better to be open about it.

I'm completely able to mask the fact that I'm weird, but I've stopped doing so lately. Instead when I meet people and realize that I'm doing something Autistic, I just tell people I have Asperger's and that's why I act weird. I don't act ashamed of it or make it a problem, I just point it out and move on. Usually people react with something along the lines of "Oh, that makes sense. I always noticed something was different about you but never knew why."

Changing my attitude from hiding it to just not making a big deal out of it one way or another has changed my life for the better. Way more people that you would think end up wanting to have a conversation about it, and maybe 10% of the people I talk to about it mention that they suspected they were Autistic to some degree as well.

Since Autism is a spectrum and not a disease that people either have or don't have, there are a lot of people in the world who are a little bit Autistic or have some Autistic tendencies. I like to send them to this site and discuss the results when people think they may be neurodiverse.

rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

My reason for making this post is not to say that having Autism is easy, or that Autistic people are like everyone else. It's that a big reason Autistic people feel so alone is that they are not only anti-social but strive to hide their diagnosis. If people were more open to talking about Autism, not only would most people be more understanding of our quirks but it would be easier to meet like-minded people.

I've found that people I've been acquainted with for years were on the spectrum, but neither of us ever spoke about it so I never knew. I just want to help other people get past thinking that there's something taboo about being Autistic so they can find and meet people who may help them feel less alone.
 
I get that you're frustrated that people have their hang ups about being who they are (sad part of the cycle of grief common among chronic problem having people, which sadly seems to include autistic people because of how others treat them), but "you're different, not disabled" I do not agree with. Those are not mutually exclusive things and being disabled isn't something to be ashamed of anyway. If anything, using the label "disabled" is just another word of acknowledgement that you are different (to the status quo, who are often the real cause of your self doubt and the source of the pain). There is nothing wrong with being disabled either. Don't shame disabled folk by treating disability like it's a dirty word, please. It really isn't. The bullies are winning if we do treat it like that.
 
I get that you're frustrated that people have their hang ups about being who they are (sad part of the cycle of grief common among chronic problem having people, which sadly seems to include autistic people because of how others treat them), but "you're different, not disabled" I do not agree with. Those are not mutually exclusive things and being disabled isn't something to be ashamed of anyway. If anything, using the label "disabled" is just another word of acknowledgement that you are different (to the status quo, who are often the real cause of your self doubt and the source of the pain). There is nothing wrong with being disabled either. Don't shame disabled folk by treating disability like it's a dirty word, please. It really isn't. The bullies are winning if we do treat it like that.

Otenba, could you elaborate on what about my post made you think that I was implying being disabled is something to be ashamed of? I'm simply using the word for what it means.

Disabled: having a physical or mental condition that limits movements, senses, or activities.

From a literal sense, my point is that having Asperger's or Autism does not mean your ability to accomplish certain activities is limited. Neurotypical people are not naturally fearful of social interaction, so they get lots of practice and get better at it over time. Neurodiverse people tend to avoid socializing, which is a skill that has to be learned with practice. Just as a child will not be as good at socializing as an adult without practice, an adult with Autism will not be good at socializing without practice. It doesn't mean they can't make friends or find love if they want, they just may need practice to do so since many neurodiverse people spend their entire lives avoiding it.

Those skills can be practiced and honed. Having Autism or Asperger's does not mean that you're unable to do the same things neurotypical people can do. Instead it means that you may not have the same desire to, or if you do it may take you time to be as comfortable talking to people as a neurotypical person.

As a brief backstory, when I was a child I was very low-functioning and borderline non-verbal. I had random outbursts in school, and I had a full-time student aid whose sole job was to keep me from disrupting the class. I couldn't talk or speak to anyone, and I had severe OCD. I washed my hands until they bled, I had a routine where I would get in and out of bed for an hour until it "felt right," turned light switches on and off a certain number of times, counted the number of letters in my head for every word I thought of, couldn't let the food on my plate touch, everything in my room had to be perpendicular to each other, and the ticks I had made it impossible to do anything even if I could ever overcome my fears enough to talk to people and make friends.

Today, although I may not enjoy socializing much, I'm able to fit into any crowd. People can still tell that I'm a little weird, but most people that find out I have Asperger's say they never would have guessed.

Many people with Autism do of course have actual disabilities, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. I would never imply there's something WRONG with having a disability, but many people think that having Autism or Asperger's alone means that they will never be able to do the things they want to do. My intent in making this post was to offer a different perspective, as being neurodiverse is not a disability (Not that there is anything to be ashamed about if you do).

I just want people to be able to live their best life, and not let self-doubt and a lack of confidence keep them from making the best of a situation they may wish they weren't in. I personally am proud to be neurodiverse and all of my closest friends are on the spectrum.
 
My reason for saying it should not be considered a disability is that while it of course is more difficult to participate in social activities as a result of having Asperger's/Autism, the reason for that is more because of the environment than because there's "something wrong" with you. I look at having Asperger's like I would being a minority.
When you are, for an example, an ethnic minority, the difficulties socialising will be due to things such as language and cultural differences. These difficulties disappear when around people of the same background.

With autism, the difficulties do not disappear when around other autistic people. I actually find it harder myself. And while the degree to which I face difficulties depends on the environment, it is more a case of the "easier" environments relying far less on social communication, than it is of my social communication varying by environment.

Because of this, I see it as different to the challenges ethnic minorities face.

From a literal sense, my point is that having Asperger's or Autism does not mean your ability to accomplish certain activities is limited. Neurotypical people are not naturally fearful of social interaction, so they get lots of practice and get better at it over time. Neurodiverse people tend to avoid socializing, which is a skill that has to be learned with practice. Just as a child will not be as good at socializing as an adult without practice, an adult with Autism will not be good at socializing without practice. It doesn't mean they can't make friends or find love if they want, they just may need practice to do so since many neurodiverse people spend their entire lives avoiding it.

Those skills can be practiced and honed. Having Autism or Asperger's does not mean that you're unable to do the same things neurotypical people can do. Instead it means that you may not have the same desire to, or if you do it may take you time to be as comfortable talking to people as a neurotypical person.
This is, again, your own personal experience, and not the experience of everyone with autism. The differences may be especially strong, again, for those of us who were not diagnosed until adulthood.

I did not avoid socialisation. I never had the chance to. Without any sort of diagnosis, the expectations on me growing up were the same as any child. As a result, my problem is not social skills, as I have had a life of practising. I was always described as very well behaved throughout school by teachers and other adults. Nobody ever says I have been rude or other negative comments. I know how to be polite, and I know what is and isn't socially acceptable.

I still have problems, however, because of my ability. Although I have plenty of positive relationships, none of them are what most would call friendships, and definitely not "love". I am content with this and I don't see this as something likely to change. I mention this, however, because there is a huge difference between being able to have superficial interactions with someone, and being able to form a meaningful relationship with someone. There is also a difference between knowing social rules and other social skills, and having the ability to execute them in practice. This is especially true of things with no objective "line", that require an ability to "read" someone well.

There is a difference between social skills and social communication ability. This is why I disagree with you, and see autism as a disability. There is more going on than things that can be overcome with practice. No amount of practice will "cure" the autism. You are born with and die with autism.

Again, I must stress, I don't believe this is something to dwell on. Difficulties can be adapted to and abilities are not static. Progress is possible, so I don't see it as hopeless to continue to try your best. I'm personally not willing to accept my difficulties as they are, despite seeing autism as a disability.

I would never imply there's something WRONG with having a disability, but many people think that having Autism or Asperger's alone means that they will never be able to do the things they want to do. My intent in making this post was to offer a different perspective, as being neurodiverse is not a disability (Not that there is anything to be ashamed about if you do).

I just want people to be able to live their best life, and not let self-doubt and a lack of confidence keep them from making the best of a situation they may wish they weren't in
You seem to be equating seeing autism as a disability with a sense of hopelessness, self-doubt, and confidence issues. Is this intentional?
 
There is a difference between social skills and social communication ability. This is why I disagree with you, and see autism as a disability. There is more going on than things that can be overcome with practice. No amount of practice will "cure" the autism. You are born with and die with autism.

Again, I must stress, I don't believe this is something to dwell on. Difficulties can be adapted to and abilities are not static. Progress is possible, so I don't see it as hopeless to continue to try your best. I'm personally not willing to accept my difficulties as they are, despite seeing autism as a disability.

I'll reiterate my point since it seems to have been lost in the the conversation. The reason for my perspective on Autism not being a disability is that most of the hardships and difficulties associated with Autism are due to an inability to "fit in" with neurotypical people. Neurodiverse people frequently experience panic, anxiety, and depression when they can't talk to strangers, handle loud noises, control their stims, or enjoy the things other people do. The inability to blend in can be very distressful to someone who wants to avoid being the center of attention.

The feeling of being different and the anxiety that stems from that leads to a cycle where just being in a stressful situation leads to more stress, and that discomfort then causes more discomfort.

Just as being the only black person in a town of white people isn't a disability, being the only neurodiverse person around neurotypical people isn't a disability. The belief that Autism is a disability originates from Autistic people being different.

In society there's an expectation for how people are supposed to behave. Neurodiverse people struggle to fit into that mold of what society expects of us, and that is where the term disability is used. Since neurodiverse people generally avoid confrontation and don't understand society, we rely on neurotypical people and doctors to tell us what's "wrong" with us.

I've found many neurodiverse people fall into one of two categories.
1. They avoid getting a professional diagnosis because they are afraid of accepting the fact that they are on the spectrum.
2. They get a professional diagnosis and use it as a reason why they can never accomplish their goals.

Again, my intention in writing this post isn't to say that being Autistic is easy. I only mean to challenge the idea that Autistic people are incapable of doing anything. The only limitations are:

1. The lack of understanding of societal norms, and the anxiety that frequently comes from being exposed to an environment that isn't comfortable to neurodiverse people.
2. The discrimination and judgement from neurotypical people for being different.

Again as a disclaimer, there's nothing to be ashamed about if you have a disability. I have crippling OCD that to this day affects me when I'm under too much stress. The world isn't black and white though.

Just because people in this forum may have real disabilities doesn't mean that we should give that label to everyone who is different. My intention in making this post isn't to say that everyone can or should strive to be normal. My intention is to say that people should be happy and proud of the things that make them different. Since this is a forum for people who have Asperger's and Autism, the title of my post is directed towards....people who have Asperger's and Autism.

"You seem to be equating seeing autism as a disability with a sense of hopelessness, self-doubt, and confidence issues. Is this intentional?"

Yes and no. By seeking to label Asperger's or Autism as a disability, by definition you're saying that your "condition" limits your movements, senses, or activities. That's the definition of a disability. My argument is that people who are neurodiverse just don't LIKE the same things that neurotypical people do. We may be capable of being social with practice, but we generally don't like parties, sports, concerts, etc.

Once you stop looking at life in terms of what you can and can't do, and instead consider what makes you happy and what you want to do, you'll find you're more capable than you think. The way Autistic people think makes them more capable than neurotypical people at many things. However since society as a whole may not value the traits that neurodiverse people have, and since neurodiverse people are often afraid of trying new things, many of us never reach our true potential.
 
I only mean to challenge the idea that Autistic people are incapable of doing anything. The only limitations are:

1. The lack of understanding of societal norms, and the anxiety that frequently comes from being exposed to an environment that isn't comfortable to neurodiverse people.
2. The discrimination and judgement from neurotypical people for being different.

I am in full support of you challenging the idea that autistic people can't do anything.

I also agree that a lot of our struggles could be ameliorated or eliminated if the world were more understanding and accomodating.

However, I disagree that other people and our own view of ourselves are the only problems/difficulties. For example:

A lot of us have difficulties with change (core symptom/trait) that cause us extraordinary difficulty regardless of whether or not we care at all about fitting in, regardless of how supportive our friends, family and community are or how accepting and confident we are about ourselves.

The same thing goes for our communication challenges (again a core symptom, not a comorbid complication) -- they can be frustrating and cause problems/distress regardless of our feelings about being different or the responses other people have to us.

Granted, if the world were more accepting and supportive these things would be far, far less problematic, but they would still be issues for many -- for many of us, our problems/difficulties are problems/difficulties regardless of how the world treats us, regardless of how we feel about being different, regardless of what our self-esteem/confidence is like and whether or not we experience anxiety about our struggles or how others view us.

I think autism itself can be disability and that this isn't a black and white issue where it either is or isn't... it really depends on the person, the context, and how "disability" is being defined.
 
The reason for my perspective on Autism not being a disability is that most of the hardships and difficulties associated with Autism are due to an inability to "fit in" with neurotypical people
This may be your own experience, but I don't believe this generalisation is accurate for many people with an autism diagnosis.

Just as being the only black person in a town of white people isn't a disability, being the only neurodiverse person around neurotypical people isn't a disability. The belief that Autism is a disability originates from Autistic people being different.
Again, I don't believe this is an accurate comparison to make. I've addressed why I believe this, is there anything you need clarifying about what I've said?

I've found many neurodiverse people fall into one of two categories.
1. They avoid getting a professional diagnosis because they are afraid of accepting the fact that they are on the spectrum.
2. They get a professional diagnosis and use it as a reason why they can never accomplish their goals.
How many is "many"? I have seen certain aspects of what you're talking about, but what I've seen more of is actually the belief that autism makes you superior in some way.

The only limitations are:

1. The lack of understanding of societal norms, and the anxiety that frequently comes from being exposed to an environment that isn't comfortable to neurodiverse people.
2. The discrimination and judgement from neurotypical people for being different.
This may be true for you, but not everyone on the spectrum is like you. I have completely different limitations, which should not be surprising, because no two people on the spectrum are the same.

Just because people in this forum may have real disabilities doesn't mean that we should give that label to everyone who is different.
It is quite invalidating to tell people their disability isn't real. ASD is a real disability. If I told you your OCD was just a difference, how would you feel?

My intention in making this post isn't to say that everyone can or should strive to be normal. My intention is to say that people should be happy and proud of the things that make them different. Since this is a forum for people who have Asperger's and Autism, the title of my post is directed towards....people who have Asperger's and Autism.
And my response is, too. I'm really not sure why you have clarified that. Is there anything in particular about what I have said that doesn't seem directed at those with ASD?

Yes and no. By seeking to label Asperger's or Autism as a disability, by definition you're saying that your "condition" limits your movements, senses, or activities. That's the definition of a disability.
Yes, that is what I am saying. In my case, it's only "activities". I am saying that my Asperger Syndrome makes participating in activities more difficult.

My argument is that people who are neurodiverse just don't LIKE the same things that neurotypical people do. We may be capable of being social with practice, but we generally don't like parties, sports, concerts, etc.
This is a generalisation based on yourself. I do like many of the same things as others in my life. I will go to every party or other social event I'm invited to, if possible. I have always been very much into sports. I don't have coordination problems and I would take every single opportunity to play sports when at school, and it's one thing I do miss about school. I'm personally not very into music, but there are autistic people who are that enjoy concerts.

This attitude is one of the most frustrating aspect of this site:
  • I (don't) [have/do/like] [thing]
  • I am autistic
  • I (don't) [have/do/like] [thing] because I am autistic
  • Autistic people (don't) [have/do/like] [thing]
There are assumptions at each of the bullet points, which is forgotten far too often.

For example, "I don't like sports". I'm not directing this at you, but using it to explain how each bullet point is linked, as I'm not sure how else to.

It may be the type of sports exposed to or contexts they have been played it that are disliked, rather than sports in general. In which case, the first bullet point isn't true. Or it may be sports in general, making it true.

I refuse to discuss the second bullet point on this site, but it is part of the assumption chain, which is why I needed to include it.

Disliking sports may just be a personality thing, and completely unrelated to autism, making this a false assumption. Or it may due to social difficulties, in which case it is a true assumption.

But even if the 3 bullet points above are true, that doesn't make the 4th true. Everyone has a different combination of traits.

I hope this has made sense, since I struggle with these types of explanations on this site.

Once you stop looking at life in terms of what you can and can't do, and instead consider what makes you happy and what you want to do, you'll find you're more capable than you think.
I cannot put into words how incredibly patronising this reads. Before I respond, I need to know a two things. Were the "you"s in this statement directed at me? If so, are you intentionally talking down to me?

The way Autistic people think makes them more capable than neurotypical people at many things. However since society as a whole may not value the traits that neurodiverse people have
Such as what? Many of my biggest strengths are actually the biggest weaknesses for others on the spectrum. For example, I am incredibly organised, whereas others with autism may have ADHD and executive functioning difficulties. My strongest school subjects were those involving numbers, such as maths and the sciences, but others on the spectrum may be very weak at numbers, with some having learning disorders in this area. What each individual is capable of is different, because everyone one the spectrum is different from each other. It's impossible to accurately describe any capabilities as "autistic".

since neurodiverse people are often afraid of trying new things, many of us never reach our true potential
Again, this is a generalisation based on yourself. I know you said "often", but I mention it because of the basis. You're using yourself as an understanding of what the autism spectrum is. I mention this because I'm not sure if you are aware.
 
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55853, I'll mostly respond to your post as a whole since the majority of your responses mostly reiterate your original statement.

If you told me OCD was a difference and not a disability, I would point out that OCD is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Then I would remember that I went from a child when my compulsions took hours away from my daily routine, to today when I only feel the urge to do my compulsions when stressed, but have enough control over my mind not to act on them. Not acting on my compulsions used to cause me intolerable anxiety, but today it is a minor annoyance that I notice but doesn't affect my life at all. So I would agree it's no longer a disability for me, but I used to consider it to be one.

Since a disability is widely agreed to be something that is unable to be "fixed," I would question whether or not having OCD and Asperger's would be disabilities in the first place, or if I just perceived them to be which brings me back to my original point.

Nothing I said was directed at you specifically or meant to be offensive, but if you choose to be offended that's your choice.

My perspective is based on a lifetime of trying to change who I am. At some points I succeeded, other times I failed or stopped trying, and eventually I realized that while I am capable of changing, I don't want to. What everyone wants to be is up to them, but something I've learned from the hundreds and hundreds of books I've read is that your (Anyone's, not you specifically 55853) attitude and belief in yourself largely controls your ability to do something.

Once you define being Autistic as a disability, you're doing two things:
1. Admitting that being Autistic is limiting your ability to do something or achieve something.
2. Admitting that you'll never be able to change that.

If you believe that, then these are my points.:
1. Being Autistic may change your priorities, comfort level in certain situations, and the way you perceive the world, but it doesn't keep you from being happy unless you define your happiness as your ability to be like other people.
2. You shouldn't want to change who you are unless it's for yourself and not for validation from others.

I think many people with Autism have two conflicting thoughts that are the source of much of their anxiety:
1. The inability to like the same activities, do the same things, or act the same way as the people around them, which leads them to a belief that there is something wrong with them.
2. The inability to emulate others. Since Autistic people have a natural inability to empathize and know what's "normal," we tend to use the behavior of others as a model for what we should be ideally.

Feeling like you want to be a certain way but being unable to because of anxiety and discomfort is a discouraging situation. The fact is that neurotypical people would likely be very uncomfortable in certain situations that neurodiverse people would thrive in, so disliking certain changes isn't something to feel negative about.

One advantage that neurotypical people have in that sense is the ability to distinguish which changes are necessary and aren't. A neurotypical person may have to move to a new house. That feeling can be very distressful but they know it's necessary. Since that person likely has spent a lifetime being in uncomfortable situations without running away from them, it's manageable. It still may be difficult, but it's tolerable.

A neurodiverse person in the same situation may find it intolerable. Not because there's something wrong with them, but because throughout their life they may have run away from every uncomfortable change. Maybe they had to eat a type of food they disliked, or there was a small change in their daily routine. A neurodiverse person is likely to have avoided uncomfortable situations as much as possible whether necessary or not, and throughout a lifetime that limits their ability to confront changes that are uncomfortable but necessary.

So at the root of the problem is that neurodiverse people generally have no experience knowing which situations they have to confront directly, and which ones would always make them miserable despite pressure from neurotypical people who think it's what would be best for them. Making the decision to confront difficult situations can be discouraging when you don't know which situations to confront and which ones are unnecessary.

The ability to know what's best for you is something that takes practice just like anything else in life. If you spend your life having self-limiting thoughts, those thoughts will be true for you. The determining factor in being able to lead a happy and fulfilling life isn't where you are on the spectrum, it's the ability to understand yourself and know what you want out of life.
 
A neurodiverse person in the same situation may find it intolerable. Not because there's something wrong with them, but because throughout their life they may have run away from every uncomfortable change. Maybe they had to eat a type of food they disliked, or there was a small change in their daily routine. A neurodiverse person is likely to have avoided uncomfortable situations as much as possible whether necessary or not, and throughout a lifetime that limits their ability to confront changes that are uncomfortable but necessary.

This kind of sounds like you're saying that being autistic/neurodiverse is a matter of preferences, habit/practice and choice....it's not.

This doesn't mean it's hopeless for an autistic/neurodiverse person to improve their skills or learn to cope with impairments so they aren't a big deal, of course.

Yes, it hurts people to underestimate themselves. But it can hurt just as much to overestimate yourself, to live in denial of real limitations -- constantly setting yourself up for failure and then blaming yourself for it (e.g. "didn't try hard enough" "must not really want to" etc.) is no better than never trying to extend yourself because you're convinced you can't succeed at anything.
 

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